The Price of Winning and the Reward of Losing 2/2
Title: The Price of Winning and the Reward of Losing
Rating: Hard R
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Merlin
Words: ~12,000
Spoilers: None. Modern AU
Warnings: Homophobia, language, brief violence.
Summary: Arthur Pendragon has followed Merlin Emry’s football career for years and may have a bit of a crush on him. But rescuing him one night from an awful situation wasn’t grounds enough to fall in love. Was it?
*****
Months passed. Knight Owl was launched and did quite well, making Arthur and Lance richer than they had ever dreamed.
Lance used a tiny portion of his earnings to buy his girlfriend, Gwen, a ridiculously sensible engagement ring - and a bigger portion to buy her a new car as an engagement gift.
Arthur did nothing with his earnings except stick the money in savings, unable to find anything that he wanted to spend his money on. In truth, he was going through the motions of life. Going to work, playing the occasional game of football in the park, going out to the bar with his friends, occasionally going on a date that never got very far.
He hated it. He hated how he was acting and he hated that his friends were starting to notice that his smile didn’t always reach his eyes and that he was only going out with guys that asked him out - that he never did the asking any more.
No matter how many times Arthur lectured himself about being an idiot for behaving like a lovesick schoolgirl, he couldn’t stop himself. For a brief moment in time he had been important enough to Merlin Emrys that Merlin couldn’t keep his eyes away from him - didn’t want Arthur out of his sight or away from his side. And yes, the circumstances had been horrid - and he never, ever wanted them to be repeated - but it had felt right. His presence being important to Merlin and being by Merlin’s side had felt right.
He was actually starting to consider that counselling might be in order. His mindset wasn’t right and he couldn’t go on behaving like an infatuated fan girl for the rest of his life. But every time he saw Merlin’s face on TV or in the paper, reason flew out the window and his heart and stomach twisted into a painful knot of longing once again.
He really probably did need counselling.
*****
Going to home games was never a question. Going to the first home game of a new season was so obvious that no one even had to talk about it beforehand. If the Spurs were at White Hart Lane, Arthur and his friends were there. It was tradition and if Arthur didn’t go, then his friends would be likely to commit him.
Not that he didn’t want to see his Spurs play. They were his team and he loved to watch them. But he knew what would be likely to happen if he didn’t watch himself. He wouldn’t be watching the team play, he would be watching Merlin - whether he was on the pitch or not. Which meant that he wouldn’t be drinking - a drinking Arthur meant that his mind was fully fixated on Merlin, rather than just partly.
And so it was. His Spurs were on the pitch and Arthur had to remind himself not to seek out Merlin. It was surprisingly not too difficult to do, at first. They were playing brilliantly against Everton, playing like a the cohesive team they didn’t always seem to be, and Arthur was easily caught up with the game.
At halftime he joined in the run down with his friends, enjoying dissecting each play that had gone on and how it could have gone better or worse. And for once - for the first time in a long time - he was able to think about football and talk about football without Merlin being on his mind.
Until Elyan ruined it.
“Did you hear that Merlin’s supposed to play the second half?” he said.
“Yeah, they’re going to bring him on for a little bit and see how he does,” Leon said.
“I talked to someone who knows someone that knows the trainer, and I hear he’s looking really good. That he’s coming back even better than before,” Gwaine said with a Cheshire grin at having inside knowledge.
And that was it. Not only Arthur’s friends but everyone around them could do nothing more than talk about Merlin and how what happened to him might affect his playing skills and whether or not he would have security around him at all times - which seemed to be likely, according to some of the fans around them, one of which also knew someone who knew someone who knew someone else that was said to be part of his new security team.
Arthur joined in on the speculation and theorizing about what they might see from Merlin. It wasn’t difficult to do because it was all things he had thought about before. And if Lance and Percy looked at him more closely than usual - if he seemed brighter and happier talking about Merlin than he had been in all the previous months - well then, no one was going to mention it.
Merlin did play, the last ten minutes of the game. And he was amazing. From the very first moment he stepped on the field he was all grace - there were no periods of hesitation or stumbling involved like there normally used to be when he first got into a game. He was all strength and speed and fluid motion - he was beautiful to watch.
He didn’t score - didn’t really come close - for the Everton players were playing with a frantic determination to come back from the 2-1 score. Unfortunately for them, though, at two minutes left in the game Merlin got a hold of the ball and moved it down the field with a calm determination that outweighed his opponents frantic determination, and with a well placed kick he got the ball exactly where a team mate needed it to be to score.
The resulting celebration wasn’t as great as it had been months before when the Spurs beat Arsenal - but any win was a cause to celebrate. All the same, it wasn’t long before the stands were emptying and Arthur and his friends were exiting.
They didn’t get far though before they were stopped by several security guards.
“Excuse me,” said a rather large and imposing man who was close to dwarfing Percy, “but if you gentlemen would please follow me…”
He starting to walk away, but all the men could do was stare at him, bemused and confused.
“He wasn’t joking,” said another guard, coming up behind them. “You’re not in trouble,” he added, finally seeing the problem.
Leon and Elyan looked at each other, shrugged, and started after the first guard, who had never stopped to look back to see if he was being followed. Since those two were going, the rest followed.
They were lead through a door marked appropriately enough ‘Security Only,’ through a small hallway and into a small room that had one occupant in it.
“Hunith!” Arthur said as soon as he saw Merlin’s mom standing against a wall. She broke into a large grin as she stepped across the room and immediately pulled him into a hug, which he readily returned.
“Arthur! It is so good to see you! And these must be your friends - the other kind young gentleman that saved by boy,” Hunith said, pulling away from the hug. She then hugged each of them in turn, which they returned in varied states of bewilderment.
“I’m, Hunith, Merlin Emrys’ Mum,” Hunith said, stepping back to stand next to Arthur, and with that everyone finally knew who had bestowed them with the hugs.
“So,” Hunith said, looking around the room, “about two months ago Merlin started to remember that night.”
Arthur winced, as did Percy and Gwaine. The Leon and Elyan frowned, and Lance said “I’m sorry” - none of them was happy with this. Such a thing was better left unremembered.
“It’s okay,” Hunith said. “He’s doing okay with it, working through the memories. But he does remember all of you and would like to thank you for your help that night.”
“That’s not really necessary, Mrs. Emrys,” Leon said. “We didn’t do it for the thanks.”
“Of course you didn’t! And this isn’t for you, this is for Merlin. He wants to meet all of you,” Hunith said, and her tone made it perfectly clear that they had no choice in the matter. If her son wanted to meet them, then meet them he would.
As they were led out from the small room by the security guard Arthur fell to the back of the group. He wasn’t sure what to think about this. Sure, he had daydreamed about seeing Merlin again - about being thanked by Merlin. Fantasized about being thanked by Merlin, but now that he was heading towards him, he wasn’t sure what to think.
Before he could come to any conclusion they were ushered into a larger room that looked like a conference room. Once again when they entered the room there was one person there - this time it was Merlin Emrys.
The six men - big, strong, muscular men - stood in awe of the tall, lanky man. For five of them this wasn’t the man they had rescued, who had been curled up in a ball, bloodied and beaten - he had never been thought of as that man to them - no, this was a star football player for their favourite team.
For the sixth man Merlin meant so much more to him, but he stood back behind his friends and tried to be inconspicuous and not let even a sliver of how he felt for Merlin show on his face.
Merlin was the first to speak, seeing as the others in the room were too star struck to do so.
“So, um, I sort of remembered what happened several months ago, and I remembered that it was the six of you who helped me out, and I guess I just wanted to say thank you?” her rambled out, making the whole thing sound like a question.
Merlin behaving unsure of himself - behaving like any other normal person in his position might have done, rather than behaving like some vision of perfection that so many famous people are expected to act like - broke the ice, allowing everyone to relax.
Merlin then walked over to them and began shaking their hands. Percy was first and he just smiled down at Merlin and nodded.
“No worries, mate,” Elyan said, grinning at Merlin as he came over to shake his hand.
“You were brilliant that night during the game, absolutely brilliant!” Gwaine said when he got his hand shake.
“Thanks,” Merlin replied, cheeks flaming red.
“And you were fantastic tonight,” Lance said when it was his turn.
“Yeah, you’re playing better than ever before,” Leon said, vigorously shaking Merlin’s hand. “The way you stole that ball from Ebor and moved it down the field and got it to Ethan was incredible!”
And that started the rest of the guys in on recounting all of Merlin’s most spectacular plays. Not that they had actually witnessed all of them firsthand, but they had heard about them enough from Arthur to feel like they had.
Merlin stood there talking to them about everything - reminiscing about some of the plays, although he maintained an embarrassed blush the whole time.
Arthur stood back against a far wall and watched. He hadn’t gotten a handshake from Merlin, and he wasn’t sure he wanted one. If he were to be honest - and it was hard enough to be honest about Merlin even with himself - he wanted more than a handshake from Merlin. Much more.
Hunith walked around the group and stood next to Arthur, watching along with him.
“He really played well tonight, didn’t he,” she said to him.
Arthur looked down at her and nodded.
“Yeah, he was pretty amazing to watch. I’m glad he’s healed now.”
Hunith smiled.
“He asked about you, you know,” she said. “Later on, while still in the hospital. Wanted to know who you were and why you were in the hospital room with me. I - I didn’t tell him anything beyond that you had been in the waiting room, too, and I brought you along in case I needed the support.”
She looked up at him apologetically, like she was sorry for not telling her son that Arthur had saved him from being beaten to death by homophobic Arsenal fans and that he had even gone along in the ambulance with him.
“It’s okay, you know,” he said reassuringly. “I’d rather he had never remembered at all.”
“Me too,” Hunith said, looking back at her son, who was having an animated conversation with Gwaine that somehow involved a lot of gesturing from both of them. She smiled the soft, loving sort of smile that only a mother has. Then she turned back to Arthur and grinned.
“You know, he told me later that he thought you were there with me - that we had been dating and I hadn’t told him about it yet because I was obviously a dirty old cradle robber.”
Arthur couldn’t help it. The laughter bubbled up inside of him so quickly that he just had to throw back his head and let it out, and he could hear Hunith beside him, laughing along. When he finally had himself under control he saw that his friends and Merlin were turned towards them, obviously wondering what the joke was. Looking back at Hunith only succeeded in making them both burst out laughing, once again.
Before anyone could ask what was so funny - mainly Merlin, who was looking at his mother with suspicious eyes - the door opened and the Spurs coach walked in. He shook each of Merlin’s rescuer’s hands and sincerely thanked them, and then hurriedly ushered Merlin from the room, citing an early morning travelling schedule.
Merlin turned and waved at them before leaving the room, Hunith following behind, after giving Arthur a big hug.
They were all just starting to register what a crazy night they’d had when Merlin was bursting back into the room and rushing up to Arthur, saying: “I’m sorry! I didn’t get to talk to you at all!”
He shocked Arthur by pulling him into a tight hug and whispering into his ear: “Thank you for everything that night. I’ll never forget it.”
Before Arthur could return the hug Merlin was gone, running out of the room with an: “I really got to go or else coach is going to kill me!” thrown over his shoulder.
He left Arthur standing there, stunned. He had been all right with being ignored by Merlin, he truly had. He didn’t want his thanks or a handshake. He didn’t want another memory added to his collection of Merlin looking at him like he didn’t really mean anything to him - because he didn’t. Arthur knew this. He knew that he wasn’t anything more than one of the men who helped to rescue Merlin. That and nothing more.
But now he had a hug to add to his memories. And kind words. And the feel of Merlin’s skinny arms wrapped around him and of Merlin’s chest pressed up tightly against his and the feel of Merlin’s lips brushing against his ear and of his breath blowing lightly into his ear.
And with that Arthur’s heart flopped over and submitted to Merlin, permanently.
He was screwed.
*****
Sometimes Arthur hated his life. It went beyond being so pathetic as to be in love with someone he really didn’t know - that was bad enough.
No, he had to be Arthur Pendragon, son of successful lawyer Uther Pendragon, who loved to make his son meet him for lunch. And so Arthur would dig out his best suit and tie so he could sit through a lunch where Uther would brag about how wonderful his daughter was doing under his tutelage and how her husband was well on his way to being a partner in the firm, and how wonderful little Mordred was - the perfect son and grandson.
Arthur would bite his tongue through this speech - he was used to it by now, and knew there was no point in mentioning that he saw his sister regularly, that Leon was one of his best friends so yes, he knew how well he was doing, and that yes, he knew Mordred was a good kid, because he saw him often. A lot more often than his grandfather saw him.
But he would say none of that, because Uther wouldn’t really hear his words.
And then Uther would ask how Arthur’s ‘little computer company’ was doing, and manage not to be impressed when Arthur rattled off the quarter’s latest figures. Uther wasn’t even aware that the computer systems he used were from Arthur’s company, because he left all those decisions to the one IT professional he kept on staff - who happened to be Elyan.
The lunch would end, per normal, with an offer from Uther to try to buy out Lance’s half of the company so at least it could have a stronger name, like Pendragon Enterprises. Arthur, as always, declined as politely as possible, not bothering to mention that Lance would never in a million years sell his share and that the name of P & D Enterprises had been Arthur’s idea, not Lance’s.
As always, Arthur returned to his office is a foul mood. Everyone knew that Lunch with Uther Day was not a day to mess with Arthur, so when Lance stopped him in the hall before he could get to his office he let out an actual growl at his friend.
“Sorry, mate,” Lance said, backing away a bit with his hands in the air. “I just wanted to warn you that…”
But it was too late. Arthur had already brushed past Lance. He entered his office in an angry huff, slamming the door shut behind him. It wasn’t until he was halfway through angrily unknotting his tie that he realized Merlin Emrys was in the room with him, staring at him with a little bit of shock and a little bit of fear.
At the sight of the fear all anger immediately fled from Arthur’s system, leaving him feeling weak and a little light-headed. And more than just a little confused as to why Merlin was standing in his office - although he probably would have found out if he hadn’t been a jerk to Lance.
Arthur turned around and reopened his door to find Lance standing there, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.
“That Merlin Emrys is standing in my office?” Arthur said, finishing the sentence that he hadn’t allowed Lance to finish.
Lance smiled and chuckled. “Yeah, that.”
“Thanks mate. Sorry about that.”
“No worries, I know it’s not the best day.”
Arthur shut the door much gentler this time, and slumped back against it, staring at Merlin. Who only stared back.
Finally Arthur straightened up and finished unknotting his tie before taking off his jacket and sitting down behind his desk. He motioned for Merlin to sit down in the chair on the opposite side of his desk.
“Why is it not the best day?” Merlin blurted out as soon as he was sitting.
Arthur continued to stare at him for several more moments before offering him a small smile.
“I just got back from lunch with my father. He’s a very… difficult man. No matter how many times I see him and how many times I have to suffer though his speeches about how inadequate I am for being a computer programmer instead of a lawyer, he still makes me angry. They all know that around here and usually stay out of my way on these days.”
Arthur realized he was rambling and stopped talking.
“Oh, I - I’m sorry,” Merlin said, standing up. “I should probably go…” he trailed off, turning back towards the door.
“No!” Arthur shouted as he shot up from his chair, startling Merlin. He cleared his throat and tried again. “No. No, there’s no need to leave. Just - uh - why are you here?” He gestured to the chair again for Merlin to sit down, and he sat back down himself.
Merlin blushed then and slumped back into his chair and he looked down at his hands.
“Erm… well…”
He looked very uncomfortable and nervous and Arthur wanted to soothe him in some way, but had no idea how. Finally though Merlin took a deep breath, sat up and looked straight at Arthur.
“You were the first thing I remember about that night, you know,” he said.
Arthur blinked at him several times in shock before saying: “Oh?”
“Yeah. I didn’t remember much. Just… just your eyes, at first.”
Merlin blushed and looked down at his hands.
“They’re really blue, you know. And I remember I found them really comforting and I didn’t want them to go away - and you made sure they didn’t.”
Merlin looked back up at him and smiled.
“Thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome,” Arthur said, and now he was the one who was blushing.
“And I remember that I didn’t want you to go and that you made sure you would be able to get in the ambulance with me - and that made everything a lot less scary,” Merlin said, now staring at Arthur intensely. “And it was scary. It was horrible and scary and - and I thought I was going to die. And then these men appear out of nowhere and save me - Arthur and his knights. And the second I looked into your eyes I knew everything was going to be okay. That you weren’t going to let them hurt me again.”
They were staring at each other, unable to look away.
“We would have done it for anyone, but as soon as we knew it was you… I had to stop myself from killing that man. I wanted to kill him, for hurting you. For saying such hurtful things.” The words were slipping out of Arthur’s mouth without his permission. “And if anyone ever does again, I might.”
Merlin’s eyes widened, and Arthur couldn’t tell if it was shock at his words or horror, but he found that he didn’t really want to take them back.
His reaction to Arthur’s words was a little more obvious when two seconds later he was scrambling across the desk and landing in Arthur’s lap, lips meeting lips in a hot, tangled mess. It took Arthur all of two seconds before he was with the program and he wrapped his arms around Merlin and fought his tongue for dominance, but not really caring who won. He just wanted to keep this man in his arms, forever.
*****
Later - it could have been ten minutes, it could have been an hour, neither of them were quite sure - they were calmer and quieter and realizing that they had to talk about what was going on.
Merlin was still sitting in Arthur’s lap - although now his legs were slung over one of the arms of the chair - and his head was resting on Arthur’s shoulder. If Arthur knew Merlin better he would be teasing him for his girlish behaviour. But that was part of the problem - neither of them really knew the other. All the same, Arthur still had his arms around Merlin and he wasn’t planning on letting go any time soon.
“I knew you before that night,” Merlin said without preamble.
“You did?” Arthur asked absentmindedly. The fingers of Merlin’s right hand were tapping up and down Arthur’s chest - obviously tapping was a nervous habit in the Emrys family - and they would occasionally run over his nipple, a sensation he found quite distracting.
“Yeah,” Merlin said, his hand stilling so that it rested over Arthur’s heart. “You’ve been watching my teams play for years, haven’t you?”
Arthur didn’t say anything for several moments, before he finally nodded.
“I noticed you. I’m not sure why, at first. There are a lot of good-looking blond men out there, after all,” Merlin grinned at Arthur when he twisted his head enough to mock glare at him. “But I did - I noticed you. You showed up to a lot of my team’s games and somehow I could always find you in the crowd. And one day you were wearing a Spurs scarf and… and when I had the opportunity to join the Spurs, I did. Because I wanted to play on the team that you root for.”
Arthur stared at Merlin, at first unable to comprehend what he was saying.
“You saw me at your club games?”
Merlin nodded.
“So you joined the Spurs because of me?”
Merlin nodded again.
“Oh God,” Arthur moaned before attacking Merlin’s lips once again. He pulled away far too quickly for Merlin’s liking and instead pressed his forehead to Merlin’s, Arthur’s hot breath panting across his lips, making Merlin bite back a groan, wishing they were back to the kissing.
“It was always about you,” Arthur confessed. “The first time I saw you play I had been dragged to the game by a friend who didn’t want to go alone. But it was all worth it once I saw you on the field. You were amazing. Beautiful. And I kept going back just to watch you. It was always about you.”
Merlin kissed Arthur again, softly and sweetly, hands cupping his cheeks. This time neither of them pulled away, and when a while later they found themselves on the ground next to the desk, Arthur straddling Merlin, they weren’t really sure how they got there. But they didn’t care, either, because they were pressed groin to groin and neither of their brains were exactly at top notch because of that.
It took only a matter of moments for Arthur to release first Merlin’s cock and then his own and wrap his hand around the both of them, ripping a moan from Merlin’s throat that Arthur was more than happy to swallow with a kiss.
He stroked slowly, almost languidly, despite Merlin’s hips hitching up beneath him, desperate for more friction, more speed, more.
When Merlin’s hand joined his own he pulled away from Merlin’s mouth to look down. The sight of their two cocks together - of Merlin’s fingers tangled with his own - was almost enough to set him off. He dropped his forehead to Merlin’s chest and bit back a moan of his own. He felt fingers running through his hair soothingly, almost petting his head, and he revelled in the sensation.
And when his hand was picked up and set aside and Merlin took the two of them in hand, he let him and focused on not coming in the next two seconds. But he had nothing to worry about, for as soon as Merlin had the speed and friction he desired, he was done. The feel of Merlin’s cock jerking against his own was enough to bring him to the brink and send him crashing over.
He had enough presence of mind not to collapse directly on top of Merlin. In collapsing to Merlin’s side though he ended up with one of his chair legs digging into his back, but he didn’t have the energy and didn’t care enough to move it. And wouldn’t have moved for anything in the world when Merlin threw a leg over his own and snuggled up to him.
They would need to talk about this - and decide what this was - but at the moment they both just wanted to sleep. And if they had to sleep behind Arthur’s desk in his office, than so be it. No one else would care. They certainly didn’t.
Arthur put his arm around Merlin and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on top of his head, receiving a soft kiss to his neck in return.
And they slept.