Struggles...

[justjess116]

Today has been tough. I mean it was a good day at work and that part wasn't tough but the world inside my head was loud and busy with thoughts of missing him, my summer love. Its constant and no matter what I do it won't let up. I really really want to talk to him but I don't know what to say to get the kind of response I'm looking for. I want him to say I miss you Jess... I want him to say I am busy and shit isn't going the way I wish it was and I'm stressed but I want to see you cuz spending time with you makes me feel better. Its really hard to miss someone and not be able to see them, especially when you know in your heart that they miss you and are thinking about you too. But something is in the way...what exactly I honestly don't know but I can't stop thinking about how I want to be close to him. How even if I can't be close to him I long to know he wants me to be close. The more I think about how I'm supposed be letting go, the more intense this feeling of missing him gets. A few months ago I made a list of the things I love about him... now that has become a list of the things I miss about him. There was a connection there and maybe thats the problem, I still feel so connected to him even tho I havent seen him or even really talked to him much in almost 5 weeks.

No matter what, Summer 2011 will always be ours and those memories mean so much to me and I will hold them close to my heart for a long long time. If he ends up going I hope he finds success and happiness, but if he stays I truly hope we have the opportunity to create new memories and maybe our love can rekindle and even grow. I know we both have it in us to make it work, we just have to want it. I know I do, I hope time will tell if he does too.