(no subject)
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I don't even know what do to right now. I want to find Lore and rip her to pieces. I want to find Duffy and explain that it's totally okay. I want to punch myself, or find someone to punch me, which I actually think I can do very easily, and what I'm leaning toward. Because I know I don't really want to hurt Lore and I definitely don't want to hurt Duffy and I know he wants to leave so I need to let him leave but I really don't want him to leave I don't even know where he's going or when he's coming back if ever he said "start over" that means refresh everything else is gone complete do-over but not in the sense that I have a fresh slate, in the sense that he doesn't even want to remember me.
Everything was really going well. Even with Cat and even with classes and even with ..everything, everything was awesome. Duffy was going to be here and Joker calls me Sparky and I planned a blackout for next week and I was going to get some awesome shit for Duffy and. Now I just.
fuckfuckfuck. I'm such an idiot. I should have told him, not that that would matter, he still would have left, but at least it'd be my own fault and I should have told him. I should have told him right away so I wouldn't have gotten so attached and neither would he and then he wouldn't have cried and I can still feel his lips. I need to get rid of my kitchen table.
Should I get new drapes? I don't want to but it's not like he made generic curtains, they're so fucking Duffy. Goddamn. We didn't even date for that long but I feel like I'm going to be sick.
Maybe I should take more cold medicine, knock myself out.
Everything was really going well. Even with Cat and even with classes and even with ..everything, everything was awesome. Duffy was going to be here and Joker calls me Sparky and I planned a blackout for next week and I was going to get some awesome shit for Duffy and. Now I just.
fuckfuckfuck. I'm such an idiot. I should have told him, not that that would matter, he still would have left, but at least it'd be my own fault and I should have told him. I should have told him right away so I wouldn't have gotten so attached and neither would he and then he wouldn't have cried and I can still feel his lips. I need to get rid of my kitchen table.
Should I get new drapes? I don't want to but it's not like he made generic curtains, they're so fucking Duffy. Goddamn. We didn't even date for that long but I feel like I'm going to be sick.
Maybe I should take more cold medicine, knock myself out.