It has really been a joy watching you do this, and it made me excited to check LJ every day because even if no-one else posted anything, there would be something cool or cute or badass or awesome from you. So thank you so much for sharing these! It really has been amazing and inspiring, seeing your dedication, determination and improvement over all this time.
Okay, I should warn that the rest of this comment is just me going ME ME ME YOU ARE STEALING THE THOUGHTS FROM MY BRAIN AND PUTTING THEM OUT ON LJ, particularly these:
I tend to be too focused on performance, on doing it right, and not focused enough on drawing for the joy of it.
I consider myself an automatic failure at all things, simply because it is me doing them.
And then there is always thinking anything I make is automatically not awesome, and showing it to the world is like inviting people to shun me. OR SOMETHING.
Just. Yeah. I'm in this place now where I can't work on any writing if I actually have the intention to post it, because I work myself up into a frenzy trying to make it Perfect (because there is totally such a thing as a perfect story) because if I post it and people mock me for not pulling off perfection then obviously I deserve it for not trying hard enough. And the result is that I just don't work on things I want to post, and I don't post things I actually write because I know that if I post them, I will immediately stop liking them and also have an anxiety attack and then remove the post in a fit of shame and hyperventilation.
I recognize that its ridiculous to think that nothing I make can have value because I made it, but the belief is still there and pretty much makes it impossible to tell whether anything I write is any good without showing someone and asking for an opinion, which is just terrifying, so I don't really do it and so of course I don't improve at all, and just sort of flail around.
So it's really encouraging for me to know that doing a daily post has helped you with this some! I've often wondered whether something like that would help me with my posting anxiety. I'm going to have to think of some way I can follow your example and try to adapt this challenge for myself in a way that isn't guaranteed to make me burn out completely.
Anyways! Best of luck with your upcoming goals! I really hope this gives you the chance to nurture your creativity, and I'm really excited to see what will come out of it, whatever that might be. I'm especially interested in hearing about your struggling with outlining and getting ideas off the ground, since that's something I have a lot of trouble with, too.
Again, you are a totally disciplined and talented badass, and have really inspired me through this, so thank you so much for sharing and for being frank about things.
Man, thank you SO much? Like? This means a lot to me. It's kind of ridiculous. But I don't care that it is - thank you so, SO much.
And I DEFINITELY do not mind you talking about yourself and your experiences here! I mean, that is part of why I tried to be honest in my post - I think it's good to talk about these things. So thank you, as well, for sharing this!
And yeah, I! I seriously used to get ill whenever I posted anything. I STILL get ill when I submit drafts to betas, like. Hurl. I can't handle it. For me submitting to beta is actually the worst part (as far as writing goes); by the time I actually post I have drifted into an almost zen state of exhaustion / sick of this story / no one reads me anyway / my betas assured me it's fine / too tired to be ill over this.
I obviously did the daily doodle thing longer than the writing/posting equivalent from last fall, but: both really did help. I highly encourage you to think of what kinds of projects can help you in this arena, and go for it. I can cheerlead! WOOOOOO
But in all seriousness: lots of love and encouragement. For me, this has been worth it, in terms of more confidence, less angsting/perfectionism-ing myself sick, and more connection to fellow fans and fandom. In the interest of honesty and not over-selling the whole deal: it HAS been hard and it has been slow. The progress I've made is kind of infinitesimal compared to how deeply my problems run (see: my confidence score as mentioned in post). But the gain means a lot to me =)
Anyway uh! I hope that was like. Honest and encouraging rather than pointless tl;dr >.>
Okay, I should warn that the rest of this comment is just me going ME ME ME YOU ARE STEALING THE THOUGHTS FROM MY BRAIN AND PUTTING THEM OUT ON LJ, particularly these:
I tend to be too focused on performance, on doing it right, and not focused enough on drawing for the joy of it.
I consider myself an automatic failure at all things, simply because it is me doing them.
And then there is always thinking anything I make is automatically not awesome, and showing it to the world is like inviting people to shun me. OR SOMETHING.
Just. Yeah. I'm in this place now where I can't work on any writing if I actually have the intention to post it, because I work myself up into a frenzy trying to make it Perfect (because there is totally such a thing as a perfect story) because if I post it and people mock me for not pulling off perfection then obviously I deserve it for not trying hard enough. And the result is that I just don't work on things I want to post, and I don't post things I actually write because I know that if I post them, I will immediately stop liking them and also have an anxiety attack and then remove the post in a fit of shame and hyperventilation.
I recognize that its ridiculous to think that nothing I make can have value because I made it, but the belief is still there and pretty much makes it impossible to tell whether anything I write is any good without showing someone and asking for an opinion, which is just terrifying, so I don't really do it and so of course I don't improve at all, and just sort of flail around.
So it's really encouraging for me to know that doing a daily post has helped you with this some! I've often wondered whether something like that would help me with my posting anxiety. I'm going to have to think of some way I can follow your example and try to adapt this challenge for myself in a way that isn't guaranteed to make me burn out completely.
Anyways! Best of luck with your upcoming goals! I really hope this gives you the chance to nurture your creativity, and I'm really excited to see what will come out of it, whatever that might be. I'm especially interested in hearing about your struggling with outlining and getting ideas off the ground, since that's something I have a lot of trouble with, too.
Again, you are a totally disciplined and talented badass, and have really inspired me through this, so thank you so much for sharing and for being frank about things.
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And I DEFINITELY do not mind you talking about yourself and your experiences here! I mean, that is part of why I tried to be honest in my post - I think it's good to talk about these things. So thank you, as well, for sharing this!
And yeah, I! I seriously used to get ill whenever I posted anything. I STILL get ill when I submit drafts to betas, like. Hurl. I can't handle it. For me submitting to beta is actually the worst part (as far as writing goes); by the time I actually post I have drifted into an almost zen state of exhaustion / sick of this story / no one reads me anyway / my betas assured me it's fine / too tired to be ill over this.
I obviously did the daily doodle thing longer than the writing/posting equivalent from last fall, but: both really did help. I highly encourage you to think of what kinds of projects can help you in this arena, and go for it. I can cheerlead! WOOOOOO
But in all seriousness: lots of love and encouragement. For me, this has been worth it, in terms of more confidence, less angsting/perfectionism-ing myself sick, and more connection to fellow fans and fandom. In the interest of honesty and not over-selling the whole deal: it HAS been hard and it has been slow. The progress I've made is kind of infinitesimal compared to how deeply my problems run (see: my confidence score as mentioned in post). But the gain means a lot to me =)
Anyway uh! I hope that was like. Honest and encouraging rather than pointless tl;dr >.>
Much luck and love, and many thanks =)
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