It happens all the time...
Today was a semi-productive day... I think we found a good home in Nompton...
The long trip home down the desolate barren roads in the dark isn't good for somebody with a disruptive random process... Visions of things gone past and things that probably will never come... voices from people saying unpleasant things in my ear repeating themselves... doubt in myself... I'm down on myself, picking me apart again.... things don't make sense anymore... I feel like a puzzle and all my pieces have been lost...
I'm not one to get worked up about the future too much, as I can't even make plans for tomorrow much less monthes down the line, but I'm afraid i'll not get a job and let everybody down... I think I'm already a failure in my family's eyes, I'm the first to go to college, and I can't even figure out what I want to do, I have a degree that I want nothing to do with, I don't even have a job right now...
I don't ask for much at all from anybody, just acceptance and friendship, and truthfullness... I don't think that's much to ask, its what I try to give... I'm not the smartest guy in the world, and I'm probably too forgiving for my own good... I want to understand... I probably never will... my mind doesn't work like that... I try though, I really do, sometimes I'm just slow.... I'm slowly reverting to how I used to be and it bothers me... the past repeats itself... I try so hard not let it happen but it doesn't always workout... I just want to be okay... Happiness is temporary...
The long trip home down the desolate barren roads in the dark isn't good for somebody with a disruptive random process... Visions of things gone past and things that probably will never come... voices from people saying unpleasant things in my ear repeating themselves... doubt in myself... I'm down on myself, picking me apart again.... things don't make sense anymore... I feel like a puzzle and all my pieces have been lost...
I'm not one to get worked up about the future too much, as I can't even make plans for tomorrow much less monthes down the line, but I'm afraid i'll not get a job and let everybody down... I think I'm already a failure in my family's eyes, I'm the first to go to college, and I can't even figure out what I want to do, I have a degree that I want nothing to do with, I don't even have a job right now...
I don't ask for much at all from anybody, just acceptance and friendship, and truthfullness... I don't think that's much to ask, its what I try to give... I'm not the smartest guy in the world, and I'm probably too forgiving for my own good... I want to understand... I probably never will... my mind doesn't work like that... I try though, I really do, sometimes I'm just slow.... I'm slowly reverting to how I used to be and it bothers me... the past repeats itself... I try so hard not let it happen but it doesn't always workout... I just want to be okay... Happiness is temporary...