Something unpredictable, but in the end its right, I hope you have the time of your life.
I went in her room and just stood there for a second. I can still feel the warm and stale air, its the way the room gets when summer's about to approach. The lights were soft and subdued and the walls were still seemingly confining. Her presence is still fresh in my mind, I can revert back to the feeling of normalacy when I think about her. The times when I could hear her rummaging through her bags as I'm in my room, the times when I'd sing too loud and she'd mimmick me, or when I'd walk pass the hallway and see her mugs of water on the side table and her, sporadically taking naps through the day. In an earlier entry, I wrote about how visible change has become. A life without grandma is difficult to swallow because I fear the day when grandma's abesence becomes conventionalized to where I walk in that room and feel nothing. I'm currently at that point where the days still feel unclear and ambigous, i'm learning to live a life without grandma physically here but its conflicting with the feeling of her still in that room.
I was on campus today and I usually listen to music when I walk from class to class. The song "Time of Your Life" by Greenday came on. When I think about this song, I think about the hallmarks of life and how you move on to something new and exciting. I'd typically associate this feeling with school. Graduating jr. high and moving on to high school...fininshing high school..and moving on to college and so on. So, here I was thinking I'm embarking on this journey every four years. Instead, I thought about my life right now. This is the most different my life has ever been and I feel like i'm genuinely starting all over again.
Not by any stretch of the imagination did I ever feel like I'd truly be at a point where I'd be dazed and confused, but I guess it's the feeling you get when life is different. I will always miss that part of my life, but I know grandma's starting a new life of hers as well and maybe in our dreams or in our prayers we can exchange how the new journey is for both of us. It won't be so scary, and at times, it will be sad, but "...in the end its right, I hope [we] have the time of [our] lives"
I've already seen a glimpse of the future and it was when all of us were at the hotel hanging out. I never knew how transcending the support of the Dingles can be, but for me, it's something that is truly important in my life. I'll always remember it and hopefully, we can do it again.
I know i'm not alone in this sentiment when I say I'm emotionally spent. I ask you Lord for some guidance and direction. in a time like this, I've been a little bit on edge and i ask you to never let me stray but become closer in our relationship. Love You.
I was on campus today and I usually listen to music when I walk from class to class. The song "Time of Your Life" by Greenday came on. When I think about this song, I think about the hallmarks of life and how you move on to something new and exciting. I'd typically associate this feeling with school. Graduating jr. high and moving on to high school...fininshing high school..and moving on to college and so on. So, here I was thinking I'm embarking on this journey every four years. Instead, I thought about my life right now. This is the most different my life has ever been and I feel like i'm genuinely starting all over again.
Not by any stretch of the imagination did I ever feel like I'd truly be at a point where I'd be dazed and confused, but I guess it's the feeling you get when life is different. I will always miss that part of my life, but I know grandma's starting a new life of hers as well and maybe in our dreams or in our prayers we can exchange how the new journey is for both of us. It won't be so scary, and at times, it will be sad, but "...in the end its right, I hope [we] have the time of [our] lives"
I've already seen a glimpse of the future and it was when all of us were at the hotel hanging out. I never knew how transcending the support of the Dingles can be, but for me, it's something that is truly important in my life. I'll always remember it and hopefully, we can do it again.
I know i'm not alone in this sentiment when I say I'm emotionally spent. I ask you Lord for some guidance and direction. in a time like this, I've been a little bit on edge and i ask you to never let me stray but become closer in our relationship. Love You.