(no subject)
My wife Tara decided to make a blog explaining what its like to live with a partner with autism just lately ive decided to start writing for this blog also to explain my experiences and how i experience life. since it isnt very easy to find info on adults with autism 99% the books out there are for people who have children. yes i may act like a child sometimes but i am not one thats for sure. so i decided im going to start posting some of my blog writings over here maybe do more here too iunno yet i have no decided. here goes my first one the first one is on how it is difficult for me to speak to people in real life. its something ive struggled with my whole life in school i didnt say more than probably a sentence to anyone in highschool the only person i really spoke to was my best friends dan. i can talk to anyone on the phone and i can be a great listener its just in person its hard to speak. Tara's boss took all his employees and there family on a boat cruise around the sound here really fun i wanted to go and went. the only problem is there was like 50 people on the boat and all kind of close cause was a small boat. i had a blast but its hard for me to speak when there is a huge crowd its so much chaos cause i can hear all the conversations and i cant block them out. so i probably looked scared and or misserable but i had a blast but enough rambling here goes.
I don’t know how it is for other people, but for me there is more than one factor as to why it’s hard for me to speak to people. One is if I don’t know the person, I will first notice their mannerisms and how they speak. Then, however they speak, I will mimic them and their cadence because I don’t know how to speak to them.
From beginning to end of a conversation, I really don’t know when to start and when to stop, so I have a tendency to start a conversation and then I will trail off. Sometimes I feel like my brain’s moving so fast I can’t slow down my thoughts. I do know that when I get excited, I will talk really fast, and that also happens when I get really nervous. It drove my wife crazy when she first met me because I had so much I wanted to say I had to slow down how fast I was talking.
It’s also hard to know what to do with my hands, and I don’t know if other Aspies have that problem. I try to focus on their body movements and try to copy them, but if they’re not moving, I start to fidget and play with my phone or goatee.
I also HATE eye contact. It’s the worst thing in the world. Okay, well, I take that back. It’s not THAT bad. But it’s really stressful. I try to look people in the eye because I know it’s rude, but when someone looks into my eyes, I feel like they can see into my soul or memories. I know they can’t, obviously, but that’s what it feels like. I barely look at anyone in the eyes, and if I do, it’s my wife, and only for a minute or two. It’s not me trying to be disrespectful or being a dick-that’s just how it is for me. I also feel like a creeper if I stare at peoples’ eyes too much.
Socializing is a weird thing for me-if the conversation lags or if I don’t know what to talk about, I’ll bring up random crap, like family memories or something else weird. I just don’t know what to talk about. This happens if I don’t see someone for a while, too. My best friend in the world and I barely see each other, because it legitimately stresses me out because I haven’t seen him for a while. I worry what to talk about (though my wife says we don’t ever shut up anyway).
I feel like avoiding socializing altogether is easier. The day after I socialize or play games or just hang out with people I’m exhausted. It’s like a physical thing for me.
Are any other Aspies like this too?
I don’t know how it is for other people, but for me there is more than one factor as to why it’s hard for me to speak to people. One is if I don’t know the person, I will first notice their mannerisms and how they speak. Then, however they speak, I will mimic them and their cadence because I don’t know how to speak to them.
From beginning to end of a conversation, I really don’t know when to start and when to stop, so I have a tendency to start a conversation and then I will trail off. Sometimes I feel like my brain’s moving so fast I can’t slow down my thoughts. I do know that when I get excited, I will talk really fast, and that also happens when I get really nervous. It drove my wife crazy when she first met me because I had so much I wanted to say I had to slow down how fast I was talking.
It’s also hard to know what to do with my hands, and I don’t know if other Aspies have that problem. I try to focus on their body movements and try to copy them, but if they’re not moving, I start to fidget and play with my phone or goatee.
I also HATE eye contact. It’s the worst thing in the world. Okay, well, I take that back. It’s not THAT bad. But it’s really stressful. I try to look people in the eye because I know it’s rude, but when someone looks into my eyes, I feel like they can see into my soul or memories. I know they can’t, obviously, but that’s what it feels like. I barely look at anyone in the eyes, and if I do, it’s my wife, and only for a minute or two. It’s not me trying to be disrespectful or being a dick-that’s just how it is for me. I also feel like a creeper if I stare at peoples’ eyes too much.
Socializing is a weird thing for me-if the conversation lags or if I don’t know what to talk about, I’ll bring up random crap, like family memories or something else weird. I just don’t know what to talk about. This happens if I don’t see someone for a while, too. My best friend in the world and I barely see each other, because it legitimately stresses me out because I haven’t seen him for a while. I worry what to talk about (though my wife says we don’t ever shut up anyway).
I feel like avoiding socializing altogether is easier. The day after I socialize or play games or just hang out with people I’m exhausted. It’s like a physical thing for me.
Are any other Aspies like this too?