(no subject)
I’m here again. This time I’ve had a bit of time to realize just what it means to come to terms with my feelings. What I needed today was either time alone to try to work things out or time alone with someone else… just for the intimacy. Damn feelings. I made somewhat of an awkward exit tonight from Nates. While watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, those feelings that I’ve been talking so much about lately came out. I realized that I needed either to talk or some time alone. After the movie, when Maxim and Nate had gone to the store, leaving Kevin, Kerstin, Katie and myself at the appartment, I got up saying that I was going to call it an early night, but Kerstin ended up reading through that (which I (I’m afraid to admit) made sure of) and realized that something was amiss. Her eyes were swelling with concearn as she asked what was wrong. After I explained how if I were to start talking about it, I wouldn’t be able to stop, she asked for a summary and at that I decided to stay. Kevin got a phone call from his girlfriend and stepped outside and Kerstin Katie and I ended up messing around until Nate got back. I really enjoyed it and was happy by the time the movie started, but soonthereafter my mind wandered again and I was in my own little world, outside the group. Sorting through these damned feelings isn’t a trivial matter. I was feeling pretty bad so I decided to leave and try to sort things out myself. Before I left I really wanted (practically needed) a hug. Oh well. I left awkwardly, which I really hate to do. One reason why I decided to stay for the second movie was for the company.
Whatever. I just need to talk. Really badly.
Whatever. I just need to talk. Really badly.