"Wait...what can you write on underwater?"
COLOURFUL JESUS CHRIST!
How the shit are you guys living without frequent updates from me? I mean I expected frantic mobs of you to kick my door down in your desperation to know more about me. And I haven't heard a single word. You're all pathetic.
AnyHOO. For those of you who restrained your passion and kept your cool, here's the skinny on current events in Justopolis:
• For those poor souls who don't already know, I am employed. By Staples Business Depot, at their new location in Bells Corners, no less. For a week I helped to set up the store as a temp (this was really neat. I mean, you read about temps, but you never actually see one. Well guess what you fuckers. I was one). I was verifying stock, which entailed going through the thousands upon thousands of boxes that came in, filled with products, and counting each and every single fucking thing, from a pen to a binder to a computer to a chair, to make sure we received the correct amount. Yeah. But, I got my paycheck for it today, and the grand total - for one week of nine-hour work days at $8.15 an hour - was $353.19.
Not too shabby. Not by any means.
So during this temp work, because I was offering my services (such as they are, he said with a gracious bow), I was top of the list for interviews for a real position on the Staples Team, if I wanted one.
The rust-coloured imp on my left shoulder said "Yes! FUCK yes! This is when you start actually making money, you lazy fuck! I don't even give a fuck where it is, just take the job, you cocksucking shit! FUCK!"
I considered this, then my head made a slight inclination to the right. The toga-sporting cherub on that shoulder paused for a moment, thinking. He raised his eyebrows and said "Uh...well........yeah. He's right."
So I said yes.
Long story short, my interviews went really well, and I was hired. I am now officially a Sales Area Representative. I work in the Ailes section, which basically means everywhere but the Tech section. Just because I don't know an Intel processor from an Imperion 6 GB video card doohickey. Damn corporate politics.
Kinda neat that I get to work with an awesome staff, including but not limited to Peter's girlfriend. Which is plenty confusing for everyone else. They all wonder why I talk to Maya at all. She's only a Copy/Printing Whore though. I get to be a SALESMAN! Tee hee.
• Y'know all those storms that have been cracking the sky open and rattling all your windows? I've been sleeping on my porch for a while now, and I got to lie practically outside, where I could feel the moisture in the air from the slashing rain and feel the thunder rumbling through the floor and into my ribcage and feel my eyes burn when the lightning ripped the whole world apart what seemed like three feet away and lemme tell you - it was the most frightening experience of my life. It was so boss. Man it was a rush.
• Earlier last week my right eye developed a stye due to an irritation. The bottom lid swelled up and oozed and looked fugly. The doctor gave me some slimy grey shit to put on it, and with its help the stye disappeared within about two days. The instructions - including those of the resident who prescribed me the stuff - said to use it for five days though, so I kept putting it on. The swelling was gone, but my eye began to hurt and was bloodshot like you wouldn't believe. I looked positively scary. It got pretty unbearable, so I went back to the doctor and the conversation went something like this:
"So the stye is gone?"
*points to own eye in sarcastic disbelief* "Uh..yes?"
"So...why are you still using the cream?"
Oh DUH. How stupid of me to follow your goddamn instructions. Anyway it's cool now. The redness is vanishing nicely.
• Finally: I miss my girlfriend like a cripple misses his crutches. I got another letter from her yesterday, and because I wanted to, I put on my favourite song while I read it, and I'm not too manly to admit that I cried. I love that girl. But I am manly! Don't you forget it!!!
But, of course - of course - our reunion just has to get fucking delayed even more. On Friday, my family and I are leaving for Huntsville to visit my sister at camp.
UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE.
Luckily, we're only staying until Saturday night. Unluckily, Saturday is my day off. So I have to work Sunday.
Many a hair has been torn out of my head over this. Is it too much to ask just to see her again? Is it TOO FUCKING MUCH?
Uuurgh. Anyway. That's it. I'ma steal Duncan's clever nod to ZeFrank and say that this is Justin, going out of his fucking mind so you don't have to.
Ciao people.
How the shit are you guys living without frequent updates from me? I mean I expected frantic mobs of you to kick my door down in your desperation to know more about me. And I haven't heard a single word. You're all pathetic.
AnyHOO. For those of you who restrained your passion and kept your cool, here's the skinny on current events in Justopolis:
• For those poor souls who don't already know, I am employed. By Staples Business Depot, at their new location in Bells Corners, no less. For a week I helped to set up the store as a temp (this was really neat. I mean, you read about temps, but you never actually see one. Well guess what you fuckers. I was one). I was verifying stock, which entailed going through the thousands upon thousands of boxes that came in, filled with products, and counting each and every single fucking thing, from a pen to a binder to a computer to a chair, to make sure we received the correct amount. Yeah. But, I got my paycheck for it today, and the grand total - for one week of nine-hour work days at $8.15 an hour - was $353.19.
Not too shabby. Not by any means.
So during this temp work, because I was offering my services (such as they are, he said with a gracious bow), I was top of the list for interviews for a real position on the Staples Team, if I wanted one.
The rust-coloured imp on my left shoulder said "Yes! FUCK yes! This is when you start actually making money, you lazy fuck! I don't even give a fuck where it is, just take the job, you cocksucking shit! FUCK!"
I considered this, then my head made a slight inclination to the right. The toga-sporting cherub on that shoulder paused for a moment, thinking. He raised his eyebrows and said "Uh...well........yeah. He's right."
So I said yes.
Long story short, my interviews went really well, and I was hired. I am now officially a Sales Area Representative. I work in the Ailes section, which basically means everywhere but the Tech section. Just because I don't know an Intel processor from an Imperion 6 GB video card doohickey. Damn corporate politics.
Kinda neat that I get to work with an awesome staff, including but not limited to Peter's girlfriend. Which is plenty confusing for everyone else. They all wonder why I talk to Maya at all. She's only a Copy/Printing Whore though. I get to be a SALESMAN! Tee hee.
• Y'know all those storms that have been cracking the sky open and rattling all your windows? I've been sleeping on my porch for a while now, and I got to lie practically outside, where I could feel the moisture in the air from the slashing rain and feel the thunder rumbling through the floor and into my ribcage and feel my eyes burn when the lightning ripped the whole world apart what seemed like three feet away and lemme tell you - it was the most frightening experience of my life. It was so boss. Man it was a rush.
• Earlier last week my right eye developed a stye due to an irritation. The bottom lid swelled up and oozed and looked fugly. The doctor gave me some slimy grey shit to put on it, and with its help the stye disappeared within about two days. The instructions - including those of the resident who prescribed me the stuff - said to use it for five days though, so I kept putting it on. The swelling was gone, but my eye began to hurt and was bloodshot like you wouldn't believe. I looked positively scary. It got pretty unbearable, so I went back to the doctor and the conversation went something like this:
"So the stye is gone?"
*points to own eye in sarcastic disbelief* "Uh..yes?"
"So...why are you still using the cream?"
Oh DUH. How stupid of me to follow your goddamn instructions. Anyway it's cool now. The redness is vanishing nicely.
• Finally: I miss my girlfriend like a cripple misses his crutches. I got another letter from her yesterday, and because I wanted to, I put on my favourite song while I read it, and I'm not too manly to admit that I cried. I love that girl. But I am manly! Don't you forget it!!!
But, of course - of course - our reunion just has to get fucking delayed even more. On Friday, my family and I are leaving for Huntsville to visit my sister at camp.
UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE.
Luckily, we're only staying until Saturday night. Unluckily, Saturday is my day off. So I have to work Sunday.
Many a hair has been torn out of my head over this. Is it too much to ask just to see her again? Is it TOO FUCKING MUCH?
Uuurgh. Anyway. That's it. I'ma steal Duncan's clever nod to ZeFrank and say that this is Justin, going out of his fucking mind so you don't have to.
Ciao people.