The Not Quite Famous Action Film
Here's your guide to the Action Channel Movie.
In this film, two buddies who are NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK run around foreign countries at odds with various government agencies. One of them is likely a hacker. They will have beautiful foreign girlfriends. NOT BEN AFFLECK will likely have ties to the government, but also, and more importantly they’ll have ties to the NAME ACTOR. THE NAME ACTOR will actually be someone you recognize. So it’s not NOT MARTIN SHEEN, but actually Martin Sheen.
Martin Sheen’s role in the film will be to a) tear his office apart in a panic, b) stare at his computer afterwards and say “There’s nothing we can do. The system’s started to upgrade itself.”*, c) shrug and/or nod, d) pat NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK on the back when they save the world from the OUT OF CONTROL PLOT DEVICE.
There will also be a PoC minor character who will start as an adversary to NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK, but will come around to helping them at the end. His dialog will consist of the line: “I don’t think so.” At some point he will be shot.
At the end of the film, NOT MATT DAMON will be reunited with his beautiful foreign girlfriend, NOT BEN AFFLECK will go back to working for the PoC at the CIA, and Martin Sheen will say “Good job, boys! America is proud of you.”
Also, NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK’s best friend will be played by some vaguely recognizable c-list actor like Corin Nemec but not quite. He will turn out to be a Russian Spy.
The film’s final shot will be of whatever modern object typified the OUT OF CONTROL PLOT DEVICE (computers, surveillance cameras, mailboxes, garbage trucks, etc.), making us wonder if really it's over.
* I say this all the time now.
In this film, two buddies who are NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK run around foreign countries at odds with various government agencies. One of them is likely a hacker. They will have beautiful foreign girlfriends. NOT BEN AFFLECK will likely have ties to the government, but also, and more importantly they’ll have ties to the NAME ACTOR. THE NAME ACTOR will actually be someone you recognize. So it’s not NOT MARTIN SHEEN, but actually Martin Sheen.
Martin Sheen’s role in the film will be to a) tear his office apart in a panic, b) stare at his computer afterwards and say “There’s nothing we can do. The system’s started to upgrade itself.”*, c) shrug and/or nod, d) pat NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK on the back when they save the world from the OUT OF CONTROL PLOT DEVICE.
There will also be a PoC minor character who will start as an adversary to NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK, but will come around to helping them at the end. His dialog will consist of the line: “I don’t think so.” At some point he will be shot.
At the end of the film, NOT MATT DAMON will be reunited with his beautiful foreign girlfriend, NOT BEN AFFLECK will go back to working for the PoC at the CIA, and Martin Sheen will say “Good job, boys! America is proud of you.”
Also, NOT MATT DAMON and NOT BEN AFFLECK’s best friend will be played by some vaguely recognizable c-list actor like Corin Nemec but not quite. He will turn out to be a Russian Spy.
The film’s final shot will be of whatever modern object typified the OUT OF CONTROL PLOT DEVICE (computers, surveillance cameras, mailboxes, garbage trucks, etc.), making us wonder if really it's over.
* I say this all the time now.