(no subject)
Whenever I think I've dried out, I suddenly find a way to shed tears.
Brain 1
Heart 0
I had such a hard time doing this, but my mind couldn't stand to see me so miserable. I had to tell her, though. I felt her slip away a while ago but kept thinking, "Maybe they are just oddly close friends?" I mean, I brought it up, and both strongly denied it, even made promises and words that not only would it not happen, but it wasn't even a possibility.
So, I told her I could not be involved in a love triangle, especially with people I considered friends. I told her I shouldn't have to constantly prove how much I care about her.
And then I told her that I could not bring myself to talk to her anymore... maybe not anymore, but at least for a while. I meant it, but I actually just added that second part to show I wasn't as firm in my stance as I let on. Not-so-secretly holding on to a hope that maybe, just maybe, she would fight for me. Ask me to stay, to talk it out, that she wanted me.. something.
Instead, she said OK. I don't know what to think of that exactly. I assumed it meant she had much stronger feelings for him then I thought. Strong enough to sacrifice me, then to complicate things with him.
So, I told her I love her in an oh so subtle way, and wished her happiness. And I really do. After seeing how sad some of these third wheels are, I just couldn't be one.
And now I'm not really sure what to do. I held it in for a while, hoping I'd be told about it, trying to hint about it, that I didn't like it, and never was a word said. It really only hurt so much because I was never told. Well, I was sort of told... if only I knew "hanging out" is supposed to translate to, "We're crazy lovey dovey about each other and are going to date." Still, though, I don't want it to be the end. She's been the most important person to me over the last year and a half or so.
This adds to a bunch of missed opportunities and lost friendships recently. I guess this is what I get for putting my life on hold for a few months so I can graduate. 3 dearly close friends. 1 moved, 1 impregnated and for some reason against me now, and this one. 2 missed opportunities for what I felt could have been something special. 1 missed opportunity to express my true feelings. 1 missed opportunity to be a step-daddy (though, I'm glad I said no to that one).
I hope you read this. I hope you feel something strong. I hope my hopes come true. Otherwise, I just died a little for no reason.
Sorry for boring most of you.
Brain 1
Heart 0
I had such a hard time doing this, but my mind couldn't stand to see me so miserable. I had to tell her, though. I felt her slip away a while ago but kept thinking, "Maybe they are just oddly close friends?" I mean, I brought it up, and both strongly denied it, even made promises and words that not only would it not happen, but it wasn't even a possibility.
So, I told her I could not be involved in a love triangle, especially with people I considered friends. I told her I shouldn't have to constantly prove how much I care about her.
And then I told her that I could not bring myself to talk to her anymore... maybe not anymore, but at least for a while. I meant it, but I actually just added that second part to show I wasn't as firm in my stance as I let on. Not-so-secretly holding on to a hope that maybe, just maybe, she would fight for me. Ask me to stay, to talk it out, that she wanted me.. something.
Instead, she said OK. I don't know what to think of that exactly. I assumed it meant she had much stronger feelings for him then I thought. Strong enough to sacrifice me, then to complicate things with him.
So, I told her I love her in an oh so subtle way, and wished her happiness. And I really do. After seeing how sad some of these third wheels are, I just couldn't be one.
And now I'm not really sure what to do. I held it in for a while, hoping I'd be told about it, trying to hint about it, that I didn't like it, and never was a word said. It really only hurt so much because I was never told. Well, I was sort of told... if only I knew "hanging out" is supposed to translate to, "We're crazy lovey dovey about each other and are going to date." Still, though, I don't want it to be the end. She's been the most important person to me over the last year and a half or so.
This adds to a bunch of missed opportunities and lost friendships recently. I guess this is what I get for putting my life on hold for a few months so I can graduate. 3 dearly close friends. 1 moved, 1 impregnated and for some reason against me now, and this one. 2 missed opportunities for what I felt could have been something special. 1 missed opportunity to express my true feelings. 1 missed opportunity to be a step-daddy (though, I'm glad I said no to that one).
I hope you read this. I hope you feel something strong. I hope my hopes come true. Otherwise, I just died a little for no reason.
Sorry for boring most of you.