Marriage-O-rama!
*****SHAMELESS PLUG!!! SHAMELESS PLUG!!! CLICKEE CLICKEE CLICKEE!!! DO IT!!!**** .... heh, j/k. ;-)
Here is a site that should be of great interest to my fellow young-American adults between the ages of 18-30, who are either seeking, or currently in an intimate relationship. Even if you are not seeking a relationship, or even if you consider yourself to be of those so-called "asexuals", you should probably check it out anyway. Why? Two reasons. First, the site is in essence, the government's view of a healthy relationship. And second, like pretty much all government initiatives, it is funded by tax dollars - 5 million of them to be precise - a cost of roughly 12 cents a year for each taxpayer within that demographic. So what kind of advice does twelve cents buy for young adult romantics? Let's examine.
I forget whether it was while torturing myself watching Fox news, or while torturing myself watching Good Morning America this week when I first heard about Twoofus.org... either way, the editorial was likely, and with little doubt, a shameless plug for the government's pro-marriage agenda. While research suggests that the overall divorce rate in the U.S. has been decreasing slightly in recent years, other research notes that the actual number of new marriages per year has also dropped, but by a far more dramatic figure... of a near 30% in the past two decades. A figure like this can only be lending more fire power to conservative-America, and you can bet that they are in this particular battle for the long run.
In 2005, your good pal and mine, G. Dubya (Peace baby! We luv ya!), signed The Deficit Reduction Act. Among its provisions was funding of $150 million dollars each year for promotion of healthy marriage and fatherhood. With such an ambitious law title, one might wonder how we could possibly be reducing the national deficit, when we are spending such a large amount of money each year on such a trivial program. Theoretically, the education the program provides could actually save the country gazillions in divorce costs and welfare for the future unfortunate. That said, it could be argued that 12 cents is not such a bad investment for our generation. While the cost benefit may be all well and good, the question still remains... So how exactly do us young hearts stand to benefit from the fed's expert lovey-dovey column?
It should be said, that If you're in a gay relationship, then unfortunately the answer to that question is- A whole hell-of-a-lot of nothing. After all, we ARE talking about a federal program about marriage here, and we all know how very ILLEGAL gay marriage is in America. Sheesh. Seriously... for all intent purposes of further discussion on this website, and this sector of the fed's grandeur vision of America, we may just as well assume that homosexuality is simply detrimental to the future progression of our society, and that we'd surely all be better off if it didn't exist. Similarly, any polyamorists out there reading this should probably move on to a more... suitable site, like Morethantwoofus.org perhaps (site still under construction). Anyway, why be gay? When the benefits of a much more socially appropriate and stable monogamous heterosexual union are virtually too good to want to pass up?!
In healthy marriages, women are said to have a more satisfying relationship, less likely to live in poverty and less likely to be victims of domestic abuse. Married men enjoy a greater stability of employment and higher wages, are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and less likely to commit violent crimes. Collectively, married men and women are generally physically & emotionally healthier, are wealthier, less prone to suicide, and usually enjoy a longer lifespan. According to an article on Twoofus.org, married couples are even "more likely to have emotionally and physically satisfying sex lives" than singles or couples who merely, "live together".
Welp, I guess that just about makes it official: Being single & unmarried, and technically anything but a bonafied heterosexual is officially OUT! Our trusty government knows what's best after all... So I guess the time has come for this solo buck to let go of the single lifestyle and start seeking out a wife. I'm sure I'll have my work cut for me though... having been single for so long, it's hard to even know where to start... Fortunately, Twoofus.org is even sensitive to us singles! Now the time has come to join an exercise program!... to hand out money to charities!... to take romantic financial risks!... to adopt even MORE bunnies! And even... *shivers* time to learn to dine out... ALL BY MYSELF!!! =-0 Heck, if that's all there is to it, I'll be married in no time, right?
In a future post, I will attempt to get my 12 cents worth out of this fabulous wealth of resources at Twoofus.org. Check out the site... then go get married!... right now!