X posted... "An Open Letter to A Blender"
So really... now I've switched over.
Those who care, have the know how to get there.
Those who don't... whatever.
The funny thing is that I'm really not getting why what I said was cruel.
Seriously. For those who are playing at home... SHE dumped ME.
That's right. SHE ended the relationship.
SHE wanted to be with ME.
SHE stopped it because SHE was unhappy.
What did she want? Did she want me to fight for it or something? Try to fill a void I couldn't, due to my job and just overall need of time to myself?
I'm sorry... maybe I'm just not understanding things clearly enough.
And now she's got a small gaggle of her friends hating on me because of it.
Or at least, because of the side of the story they've been told and that they know.
Funny thing is, I thought of wishing I could go back in time to tell myself in High School that life doesn't get worse, it gets better... but you know what? No matter how you slice the pie, everything boils down to one thing.
High School never ends... it just takes on different forms.
Work.
Communities.
Whatever.
Everything stays the same.
There are jocks, nerds, freaks, bimbos, stoners, goths, punks, everything... they're just all carefully disguised in other little cliques and such that take a bit of looking around to see through.
Worst thing is, I know I should probably feel somewhat bad for the post I made, because I made Ruth upset about it... but WHY it made her upset is what bothers me.
Seriously, if you don't like it... why the hell did you read it?
And since I've been removed from her friends list, it's not like she's ever going to see this anyway.
So really... I'm sorry Ruth.
I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you wanted me to be.
I just was me... and I suppose that wasn't good enough.
Yes, I'm unmotivated.
Yes, I'm distracted easily.
I can admit this.
I can also admit that things scare me, but I hide them behind humor.
I can admit that I had hope for things between us, but didn't fight for it because I thought you'd be happier.
So here's the real clincher...
I can admit I was wrong.
I was wrong for not giving enough attention to you.
I was wrong for not calling or e-mailing as much as I could have.
I was wrong for doing other things while talking on the phone to you.
But you know what?
You dumped me.
You broke my heart while on air.
After the shittiest day I've had in a while... you drop THAT on me.
AND not to mention it was 5 days before my birthday too.
That made me feel super great. Oh yeah... and the fact that Brad bought me the present you got, which was totally out of my control... yeah... that made me feel great too.
In fact, it's all my fault.
I was the one who told you I was a bad boyfriend and you said I wasn't.
Right? Remember those times? Yeah... I'm sure you do.
And I apologized, and you said there was no need to.
And now I bet you're expecting some kind of apology for what I had posted in MY journal... and the fact that people we both know... have been mad at ME for something YOU decided to end.
Yeah... I'm a total jerkwad.
Yeah. That's right. Tell them I'm a bad boyfriend and such, 'cause I am.
Tell everyone what a horrible, unfeeling, insensitive, heartless monster I am.
Expose me for everything that I am... because you know what?
You fell for that monster.
And even a monster can be loved. And love back.
Did I say I was happy with the new person in my life?
No.
I'm not happy. I'm miserable for multiple reasons.
Reasons you probably know, and some you don't know.
But whatever.
I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors, and that everything you ever want is given to you. Because you deserve it. If not from me, than from someone who can provide it.
That's about it.
I'll occasionally post here every now and then... if I feel like it. But I'll be over at my other journal from now on.
I am finally seeing
That I was the one worth leaving
----
Those who care, have the know how to get there.
Those who don't... whatever.
The funny thing is that I'm really not getting why what I said was cruel.
Seriously. For those who are playing at home... SHE dumped ME.
That's right. SHE ended the relationship.
SHE wanted to be with ME.
SHE stopped it because SHE was unhappy.
What did she want? Did she want me to fight for it or something? Try to fill a void I couldn't, due to my job and just overall need of time to myself?
I'm sorry... maybe I'm just not understanding things clearly enough.
And now she's got a small gaggle of her friends hating on me because of it.
Or at least, because of the side of the story they've been told and that they know.
Funny thing is, I thought of wishing I could go back in time to tell myself in High School that life doesn't get worse, it gets better... but you know what? No matter how you slice the pie, everything boils down to one thing.
High School never ends... it just takes on different forms.
Work.
Communities.
Whatever.
Everything stays the same.
There are jocks, nerds, freaks, bimbos, stoners, goths, punks, everything... they're just all carefully disguised in other little cliques and such that take a bit of looking around to see through.
Worst thing is, I know I should probably feel somewhat bad for the post I made, because I made Ruth upset about it... but WHY it made her upset is what bothers me.
Seriously, if you don't like it... why the hell did you read it?
And since I've been removed from her friends list, it's not like she's ever going to see this anyway.
So really... I'm sorry Ruth.
I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you wanted me to be.
I just was me... and I suppose that wasn't good enough.
Yes, I'm unmotivated.
Yes, I'm distracted easily.
I can admit this.
I can also admit that things scare me, but I hide them behind humor.
I can admit that I had hope for things between us, but didn't fight for it because I thought you'd be happier.
So here's the real clincher...
I can admit I was wrong.
I was wrong for not giving enough attention to you.
I was wrong for not calling or e-mailing as much as I could have.
I was wrong for doing other things while talking on the phone to you.
But you know what?
You dumped me.
You broke my heart while on air.
After the shittiest day I've had in a while... you drop THAT on me.
AND not to mention it was 5 days before my birthday too.
That made me feel super great. Oh yeah... and the fact that Brad bought me the present you got, which was totally out of my control... yeah... that made me feel great too.
In fact, it's all my fault.
I was the one who told you I was a bad boyfriend and you said I wasn't.
Right? Remember those times? Yeah... I'm sure you do.
And I apologized, and you said there was no need to.
And now I bet you're expecting some kind of apology for what I had posted in MY journal... and the fact that people we both know... have been mad at ME for something YOU decided to end.
Yeah... I'm a total jerkwad.
Yeah. That's right. Tell them I'm a bad boyfriend and such, 'cause I am.
Tell everyone what a horrible, unfeeling, insensitive, heartless monster I am.
Expose me for everything that I am... because you know what?
You fell for that monster.
And even a monster can be loved. And love back.
Did I say I was happy with the new person in my life?
No.
I'm not happy. I'm miserable for multiple reasons.
Reasons you probably know, and some you don't know.
But whatever.
I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors, and that everything you ever want is given to you. Because you deserve it. If not from me, than from someone who can provide it.
That's about it.
I'll occasionally post here every now and then... if I feel like it. But I'll be over at my other journal from now on.
I am finally seeing
That I was the one worth leaving
----