I have to be honest (and I say this having not seen the conversation in question, largely going on my experiences having these kinds of discussions here) that instead of kneejerk saying "I'm not transphobic", maybe step back and examine what you said that could have been read that way?
The only reason I say this is because no one wants to consider themselves as being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc, but sometimes we do say stupid things or have internalized opinions. Kneejerk "but I'm not!!!!" reactions will never let anyone actually examine their behavior and see what's hurtful there, because regardless as to what anyone else things, it did hurt someone.
I got called fatphobic a few weeks ago. It hadn't been my intention at all and I could read what I'd said just fine, but when people pointed out what had been problematic, I realized where they were coming from. I still felt it was reasonable after I explained myself, but decided to accept that since I'm not and never have been in the position where fatphobia can really hurt me, it wasn't my place to decide what was hurtful and what wasn't. So I went away and reexamined what I said, and now I make a conscious effort to think more before I speak on that topic.
Yeah. I did have to go back and see what it was I wrote. Normally I take a long time to write out anything that I feel is especially important. That way I can avoid having to deal with anyone thinking that what I'm saying is specifically geared towards them.
While I said nothing directly that alluded to me being transphobic, I can understand that someone either specifically digging for that outcome or just reading too much into it (rather than taking it at face value as it was meant to be interpreted) would have gotten that impression. It's a two-way street with that kind of communication, especially through text.
If a misinterpretation happens it's not a 'right' or a 'wrong', I've noticed, but that there's a lack of explanation. I wasn't one hundred percent clear on it, and I admitted it right upfront. I was met with nothing other than an ongoing barrage that melted down to, "everything I say is right and everything you say is wrong". And I got to a point where I was tired of having everything about what I had to say ripped apart that I just gave up.
But you're right, Otana. It's far too easy to hurt people with words, but it's worse when you don't know that you do until someone says you do. But there's a limit to the reaction. Being able to admit you made a mistake somewhere and having the opposite side not even acknowledge it and just continue attacking makes it remarkably disheartening.
Like you, I still feel like what I said was reasonable, especially since my point had very little to do with transgendered people or any other subjects of the like, but it's definitely left me with something to consider. As well as the idea that there are sometimes just no ways to phrase something without hurting or offending someone.
This was really just a lose-lose situation.
By the way, completely off topic, your icon makes me think of like... Flashdance!Pony or something. ♥
The only reason I say this is because no one wants to consider themselves as being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc, but sometimes we do say stupid things or have internalized opinions. Kneejerk "but I'm not!!!!" reactions will never let anyone actually examine their behavior and see what's hurtful there, because regardless as to what anyone else things, it did hurt someone.
I got called fatphobic a few weeks ago. It hadn't been my intention at all and I could read what I'd said just fine, but when people pointed out what had been problematic, I realized where they were coming from. I still felt it was reasonable after I explained myself, but decided to accept that since I'm not and never have been in the position where fatphobia can really hurt me, it wasn't my place to decide what was hurtful and what wasn't. So I went away and reexamined what I said, and now I make a conscious effort to think more before I speak on that topic.
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While I said nothing directly that alluded to me being transphobic, I can understand that someone either specifically digging for that outcome or just reading too much into it (rather than taking it at face value as it was meant to be interpreted) would have gotten that impression. It's a two-way street with that kind of communication, especially through text.
If a misinterpretation happens it's not a 'right' or a 'wrong', I've noticed, but that there's a lack of explanation. I wasn't one hundred percent clear on it, and I admitted it right upfront. I was met with nothing other than an ongoing barrage that melted down to, "everything I say is right and everything you say is wrong". And I got to a point where I was tired of having everything about what I had to say ripped apart that I just gave up.
But you're right, Otana. It's far too easy to hurt people with words, but it's worse when you don't know that you do until someone says you do. But there's a limit to the reaction. Being able to admit you made a mistake somewhere and having the opposite side not even acknowledge it and just continue attacking makes it remarkably disheartening.
Like you, I still feel like what I said was reasonable, especially since my point had very little to do with transgendered people or any other subjects of the like, but it's definitely left me with something to consider. As well as the idea that there are sometimes just no ways to phrase something without hurting or offending someone.
This was really just a lose-lose situation.
By the way, completely off topic, your icon makes me think of like... Flashdance!Pony or something. ♥
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