Toastwich
Ever since Maddie had found the actions so utterly enjoyable that she would fall out down of excitement, Anthan practiced his hula hooping. He and Addie were the only ones who would indulge her sense of amusement, as Mathieu, Colt and Anthaniel found it embarrassing to be caught doing such an activity. Papa Mathieu tried it out once to calm a fussy Maddie before hollering for help with the toddler, and consequently never spoke to anyone about it.
On nice mornings, Anthan liked to hula hoop on the way to the bus stop, with his uncle walking him and the dogs along the way. Recently, Anthaniel (or rather, Ethan) had added a new member to the family; a Great Pyrenee he called Lund. As a puppy, Lund already seemed to dwarf the two Pomeranians, Gae and Jerry, but they did not seem to be aware of his forthcoming gargantuan size and therefore did not mind him. To keep the morning walk as least hectic as possible (lest he'd be wrangling three dogs at once) he decided to walk with Lund alone, and would take the Poms for his daily run.
Lund with training, was a good dog. Or perhaps more accurately, sneaky. Anthaniel, on a rare moment with his shades off, peered down at Anthan as he practically danced his way to the bus stop with the hoop whirling around him. "You haven't caught Lund chewing on anything he's not supposed to chew on, have you?"
Anthan glanced back at him, promptly letting the hoop clatter around his feet. He shrugged and then shook his head. "No."
"Then why are there marks on that toy?"
"Toy?" Anthan looked towards at his sneakers, picking up the hula hoop and inspecting it. "Oh. Oop.."
"Makes me wonder what else he got his mouth on." Anthaniel nudged Lund's side with his foot and received a nuzzle to the back of his knee. "It's not that bad for now, but try to make sure he doesn't slobber or gnaw or anything that's, you know, valuable, alright?"
Anthan held the hoop about his hips and wound up. "Yeah, I know."
"G'boy." Anthaniel jiggled the leash to steal Lund's attention from wandering onto a neighbor's lawn, but it didn't work. He tugged the leash lightly, twice, exclaiming "ah!" in a high pitch. Lund quickly fell in line with Anthaniel's feet, sticking closeby and curiously turning his head this way and over there. His tail wagged happily but calmly, making contact with Anthaniel's calf every now and then.
Nearing the bus stop, Anthan "jump-roped" with the hula hoop, leaving Anthaniel in a mild awe of just how small he was. While waiting, Anthan tried to get Lund to at least walk through the plaything, but the puppy wouldn't have it.
"I think he's tired," Anthan commented, a tinge of pity in his voice.
"After three thousand steps, that's weird for a puppy. Might just be sleepy. Kept me and Ethan up for most of the night, you know."
Anthan bobbed his head. "He barks when we all go to bed."
Anthaniel twisted his mouth off to the side, staring at Lund with his head tilted. "Maybe he's developing separation anxiety."
Anthan was quiet for a while. "Dunno what that is, but 'kay!"
Anthaniel let out a snort and patted his head, looking around the neighborhood as it was without a tint. Things looked so different in unfiltered daylight; not that it should have been a surprise, but still. It felt, to him, as though he'd taken such a thing for granted.
It took about three more minutes before the clumsy yellow vehicle came lumbering over after barely making a safe corner turn. Anthaniel harbored many doubts concerning the driver's credibility as a reliable transporter, but there were no terrible reports or problems so far. Perhaps just very bad depth perception.
As per the routine, Anthaniel kissed the side of his nephew's head and took the hula hoop from him, watching him scamper into the bus and waving when Anthan picked his seat, usually around the middle-front. Anthan waved back and made faces at Lund, who would have followed him into the bus if it weren't for Anthaniel's firm hand resting on his head. Once the doors squeaked shut, the bus peeled its way down the street and disappeared. Anthaniel never left until it was out of sight.
On the way back, Lund stopped to do his business while Anthaniel waited idly, moving the hoop around his right shoulder. It really was a nice day, he observed. Lund nuzzled Anthaniel's leg when he was done, and Anthaniel wordlessly cleaned up after him with a plastic bag. The stool was somewhat firm, which was good. Healthy, and besides that, easy to pick up.
It must have been a ludicrous sight to onlooking neighbors, Anthaniel with a bag of dog shit, a hula hoop and an oversized puppy. One neighbor in particular had to speak out. "Hey, how're you doing? Mind if I ask you why you've got that hula hoop?"
Anthaniel stopped and looked over to see who it was. It was a young man, probably about five or three years his junior, about to step into his Peugeot. He was wearing a casual suit, looked rather arrogant, but by Anthaniel's book, was actually fine--just talkative and offensive, but only because he tended to put his foot in his mouth around him. "Morning. I'm doing fine. How about you?" He paused as a car honked behind him, and took a glance out of the corner of his eye to see it was Yousei's. "And I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last part?"
"Oh! Great, thanks. I'm waiting for a client call today, big commission coming on so.. you know. Good things. I was just wondering, why are you holding a hula hoop?"
Anthaniel pursed his lips for a moment as he gazed down at it. "You see," he looked back up, speaking calmly, "my dog knows how to hula hoop."
The young man couldn't decipher Anthaniel's face. In a gullible manner he quickly asked, "Are you serious?"
"No," Anthaniel said with an 'are you stupid' tone. To recover from the accidental sarcasm he smiled, flashing his dimples and letting the young man know it was just a friendly joke.
He got a bashful but hearty laugh in return.
-
Kcalb yawned as he plated the table, leaving the remaining food out on the stove for Addie, Maddie and Ethan whenever they got up. Yousei nodded gratefully, starting to cut his french toast into pieces with his fork. He paused to watch as Kcalb made a sandwich out of two french toasts and a fried egg, then took a bite out of it.
"Ew."
Kcalb covered his mouth, chewing slowly. "What?"
"I don't know. Just..ew. You're fat."
"I love food."
"I know," Yousei raised his eyebrows, raising a piece of the toast to his mouth and eating it. "Hey, it's weird how you know how to cook meat." He prodded through his strips of bacon suspiciously. "Are you sure these are tasty?"
"I couldn't tell you, I don't eat them. The fam seems to like them though, so, I guess they are."
Yousei pretended to cringe before picking one up between his thumb and forefinger, biting off just a fragment and chewing tentatively.
"Well?"
"..It's good. Then again it's hard to fuck up bacon."
"Yeah? You should come over when I'm cooking steaks. They're apparently delicious."
Yousei pointed at him with his fork. "And bowel-wiping, I bet."
"Again, wouldn't know about that. All I know is: seasoning, pink-red inside, nauseating smell."
"Basic knowledge. I'm still doubtful."
"You're a daredevil, no? What's it going to hurt?" Kcalb took another bite of his french toastwich.
"I didn't say I wouldn't try it sometime, I'm just concerned that I'll be trapped in the bathroom for god knows how long."
Kcalb snorted, putting down his food to wipe his hands. Once they were clean enough, he picked up the manila folder sitting atop the table and looked through the stack of papers inside. It was so thick it just barely fit. Yousei quietly ate his breakfast and looked up when Kcalb commented, "I thought you knew I could cook meat."
Yousei shrugged a shoulder, shaking his head to move his hair away from his eyes. "You probably told me a while ago, and I forgot."
"What are all the highlights on some of these pages?"
"Blue for people we know, yellow for people we know of, pink for unidentified and purple for miscellaneous. Family, Chinese food, stuff that are uninvolved."
"Uh huh." Kcalb ran his eyes quickly over the area codes tracked down the pages, skipping them by the bunch and blinking to break his concentration every now and then to remember whose phone history he was looking at. "Wait."
Yousei popped a piece of bacon into his mouth. "Yeah?"
"Your phone history isn't here." Kcalb tried to slip the stack back into the envelope but it tore, so he simply placed it on top to review for later. "I thought I made it clear I wanted everyone's."
"Oh, shit." Yousei shot him an apologetic look. "I thought, since you asked me, you wouldn't need mine."
Pause. "Fair enough," Kcalb replied. "Tomorrow, your phone history, got it? From every phone you use, from July two thousand-eight to October two thousand-nine."
"You got it." Pause. "I know I'm not supposed to ask why, but.."
"Just a creeping suspicion," Kcalb replied coolly and quickly, leaning back in his seat. "I don't distrust you, but this I'll be keeping to myself."
"Yeah, fine. I understand."
Kcalb picked up his toastwich again, taking a large bite out of it. "I thought you said you were coming around lunchtime."
"We haven't had breakfast together for so long, I thought this might be nicer. I sent you a text this morning and you confirmed it."
Kcalb stopped chewing and swallowed. "I did?"
Yousei gave him a weird look. "Yeah."
"Really?"
"..Yeah."
"..Wow. I absolutely do not remember doing such a thing."
"Are you telling me someone else answered for you?"
Kcalb made a bewildered face. "I don't know, maybe I sleep-text."
"What an excuse that would be!" Yousei grinned and then gave it some thought. "Serious?"
"Yeah, maybe. In the past I'd get messages from people and they'd come up to me about it, and I'd be like 'what?' and they'd tell me, 'I sent you a text this morning and you responded.' Totally fucked up."
"Yeah, sounds like."
Kcalb shrugged, looking down when a piece of egg fell to the floor. Lund rose from his half-asleep state under the table and lapped it up, afterward putting his head down again.
"I thought you said you had enough with two Pommies, by the way," Yousei said as he looked down at Lund.
"Wasn't my idea. Ethan's. One day he asked me how I would feel if he found a dog and wanted to keep it. I said I'd give it away."
"And you didn't."
"Well, no, but that's actually because that's not what happened. I was like, why, you found one? And he said no. And then he goes, 'what if I want to buy one?' So I told him that's too bad. Then this thing comes out from hiding and Ethan's all like, yeah that's too bad too."
Yousei sputtered and let out a snicker. "My god."
"Yeah. You know, this thing's gonna be a monster when he becomes an adult. Just huge."
"I think it's funny how you have the Pommies and your brother gets the beast of a pet."
Kcalb shook his head, giving him a 'spare me' look. "I love big dogs. I've had a Bull Mastiff and a Rottweiler, trust me, I love big dogs. I only don't want to get them anymore because when they die, I get so stressed out with how big they are, just laying there. Freaks me the fuck out."
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. By the way, I saw Mathieu with an older guy walking out just as I parked in front of the house. We said hey but I guess he didn't have the time for introductions. They're going fishing, it looked like."
"That was my Uncle Colt you saw." Kcalb paused. "Make a black stallion joke and I'm beating the shit out of you right here in the kitchen."
Yousei laughed hard and clamped his hand over his mouth. "I didn't even think of that!"
"Yeah, well, Marty made that observation and now I'm just.." Kcalb shook his head. "Goddamn."
"Oh, that reminds me. Who are Kaiser and Wylie?"
"What?" Without shades, Kcalb's face was much easier to read.
Yousei immediately tried to backpedal, touching the back of his neck nervously. "My bad, is this a weird topic? Sorry."
"No, no, just.. where did you hear those names?"
"Uh, I guess your uncle was the one who mentioned them. He didn't say anything per se, just that when I headed over to wait by the door, he passed by and stopped me to ask if I was friends with either of them. I was like, I'm just here to see the kids. Then he let me go."
"Ah." Kcalb nodded slowly, looking down. "Got it. No, it's alright. I think you should know who they are."
"Is this bad or something?"
"Naw. Just secret." Kcalb gazed up at him. "So don't tell anyone or you're giving me the full right to pummel you till you talk out of your ass, literally this time."
"There's nothing, nobody between you and me, man."
"Right." Kcalb paused, unintentionally being dramatic. "My real name is Kaiser. Ethan's Wylie; Ethaniel's actually his middle name."
Yousei blinked, trying not to look simple. "Oh."
"Yeah. I know it's not so much of a big deal but it is to me, okay? I was fucking shocked when he called me by that name."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Don't worry. Won't tell a soul. I'd never do that to you."
"Thanks." Kcalb bowed his head. "I appreciate it."
"No problem, man." Yousei brushed his hair away from his face, tilting his head back just a bit to examine Kcalb carefully. "To be fair, I'll share something with you too. My real name."
"Real name?"
Yousei snorted. "What? Yeah, my real name. You think 'Yousei' is my real name? You know what that means? It means fairy, dude."
Kcalb let out a chortle. "Oh, god, I know. It's so great."
"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Anyway, if you thought that was my real name, you're outta what's left of your fucking mind."
Kcalb thought of Buddy for a moment, his lips curling into a thin smile. "A part of me was totally hoping it was your real name."
"It's Youzen."
"What?"
"Don't make me repeat it for you. It's just as precious to me as yours is to you."
"I know, I know, but like, fuck. That sounds cool."
Yousei furrowed his brows, snickering bashfully. "What, really?"
"Yeah. Anybody ever meets a Youzen, they'd probably think about what a total badass that guy must be. I think it's probably because of the Z. Any name with a Z in it gets automatic motherfucker points or something, I don't know."
Yousei belted out with laughter, staring at him ludicrously. "Excuse me??"
"Yeah! Don't laugh, I'm not playing. Like Zoro or Zebediah or what have you." Kcalb started to laugh as well, infected by Yousei's amusement.
"You can't possibly be insinuating that Zachary is the name of a badass."
"Dude, what? Of course it is. Oh my god. Zack sounds so fucking cool. And Zed, that asshole from Pulp Fiction."
"Got his dick shot off."
"Not before he had his way with another motherfucker, so.." Kcalb shrugged, and they both ceased to a low snickering. "Like, fuck! There's also Zordon, Zeus," Yousei gasped excitedly, "Izaak, Balthazar.. Oh my god, I should throw a fucking Z to the end of my name and be done with it." Kcalb slapped his hand on the table as Yousei began to laugh again, shaking his head. "I swear to god."
"Just..fucking..change it to Kcalz or Zalb or something," Yousei giggled. "Or, fucking, Kcalb-Z."
Kcalb dropped his head down onto the table, trying so hard to suppress himself that his eyes began to tear up.
"fuuuuuck."
note: happened around 7.
On nice mornings, Anthan liked to hula hoop on the way to the bus stop, with his uncle walking him and the dogs along the way. Recently, Anthaniel (or rather, Ethan) had added a new member to the family; a Great Pyrenee he called Lund. As a puppy, Lund already seemed to dwarf the two Pomeranians, Gae and Jerry, but they did not seem to be aware of his forthcoming gargantuan size and therefore did not mind him. To keep the morning walk as least hectic as possible (lest he'd be wrangling three dogs at once) he decided to walk with Lund alone, and would take the Poms for his daily run.
Lund with training, was a good dog. Or perhaps more accurately, sneaky. Anthaniel, on a rare moment with his shades off, peered down at Anthan as he practically danced his way to the bus stop with the hoop whirling around him. "You haven't caught Lund chewing on anything he's not supposed to chew on, have you?"
Anthan glanced back at him, promptly letting the hoop clatter around his feet. He shrugged and then shook his head. "No."
"Then why are there marks on that toy?"
"Toy?" Anthan looked towards at his sneakers, picking up the hula hoop and inspecting it. "Oh. Oop.."
"Makes me wonder what else he got his mouth on." Anthaniel nudged Lund's side with his foot and received a nuzzle to the back of his knee. "It's not that bad for now, but try to make sure he doesn't slobber or gnaw or anything that's, you know, valuable, alright?"
Anthan held the hoop about his hips and wound up. "Yeah, I know."
"G'boy." Anthaniel jiggled the leash to steal Lund's attention from wandering onto a neighbor's lawn, but it didn't work. He tugged the leash lightly, twice, exclaiming "ah!" in a high pitch. Lund quickly fell in line with Anthaniel's feet, sticking closeby and curiously turning his head this way and over there. His tail wagged happily but calmly, making contact with Anthaniel's calf every now and then.
Nearing the bus stop, Anthan "jump-roped" with the hula hoop, leaving Anthaniel in a mild awe of just how small he was. While waiting, Anthan tried to get Lund to at least walk through the plaything, but the puppy wouldn't have it.
"I think he's tired," Anthan commented, a tinge of pity in his voice.
"After three thousand steps, that's weird for a puppy. Might just be sleepy. Kept me and Ethan up for most of the night, you know."
Anthan bobbed his head. "He barks when we all go to bed."
Anthaniel twisted his mouth off to the side, staring at Lund with his head tilted. "Maybe he's developing separation anxiety."
Anthan was quiet for a while. "Dunno what that is, but 'kay!"
Anthaniel let out a snort and patted his head, looking around the neighborhood as it was without a tint. Things looked so different in unfiltered daylight; not that it should have been a surprise, but still. It felt, to him, as though he'd taken such a thing for granted.
It took about three more minutes before the clumsy yellow vehicle came lumbering over after barely making a safe corner turn. Anthaniel harbored many doubts concerning the driver's credibility as a reliable transporter, but there were no terrible reports or problems so far. Perhaps just very bad depth perception.
As per the routine, Anthaniel kissed the side of his nephew's head and took the hula hoop from him, watching him scamper into the bus and waving when Anthan picked his seat, usually around the middle-front. Anthan waved back and made faces at Lund, who would have followed him into the bus if it weren't for Anthaniel's firm hand resting on his head. Once the doors squeaked shut, the bus peeled its way down the street and disappeared. Anthaniel never left until it was out of sight.
On the way back, Lund stopped to do his business while Anthaniel waited idly, moving the hoop around his right shoulder. It really was a nice day, he observed. Lund nuzzled Anthaniel's leg when he was done, and Anthaniel wordlessly cleaned up after him with a plastic bag. The stool was somewhat firm, which was good. Healthy, and besides that, easy to pick up.
It must have been a ludicrous sight to onlooking neighbors, Anthaniel with a bag of dog shit, a hula hoop and an oversized puppy. One neighbor in particular had to speak out. "Hey, how're you doing? Mind if I ask you why you've got that hula hoop?"
Anthaniel stopped and looked over to see who it was. It was a young man, probably about five or three years his junior, about to step into his Peugeot. He was wearing a casual suit, looked rather arrogant, but by Anthaniel's book, was actually fine--just talkative and offensive, but only because he tended to put his foot in his mouth around him. "Morning. I'm doing fine. How about you?" He paused as a car honked behind him, and took a glance out of the corner of his eye to see it was Yousei's. "And I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last part?"
"Oh! Great, thanks. I'm waiting for a client call today, big commission coming on so.. you know. Good things. I was just wondering, why are you holding a hula hoop?"
Anthaniel pursed his lips for a moment as he gazed down at it. "You see," he looked back up, speaking calmly, "my dog knows how to hula hoop."
The young man couldn't decipher Anthaniel's face. In a gullible manner he quickly asked, "Are you serious?"
"No," Anthaniel said with an 'are you stupid' tone. To recover from the accidental sarcasm he smiled, flashing his dimples and letting the young man know it was just a friendly joke.
He got a bashful but hearty laugh in return.
-
Kcalb yawned as he plated the table, leaving the remaining food out on the stove for Addie, Maddie and Ethan whenever they got up. Yousei nodded gratefully, starting to cut his french toast into pieces with his fork. He paused to watch as Kcalb made a sandwich out of two french toasts and a fried egg, then took a bite out of it.
"Ew."
Kcalb covered his mouth, chewing slowly. "What?"
"I don't know. Just..ew. You're fat."
"I love food."
"I know," Yousei raised his eyebrows, raising a piece of the toast to his mouth and eating it. "Hey, it's weird how you know how to cook meat." He prodded through his strips of bacon suspiciously. "Are you sure these are tasty?"
"I couldn't tell you, I don't eat them. The fam seems to like them though, so, I guess they are."
Yousei pretended to cringe before picking one up between his thumb and forefinger, biting off just a fragment and chewing tentatively.
"Well?"
"..It's good. Then again it's hard to fuck up bacon."
"Yeah? You should come over when I'm cooking steaks. They're apparently delicious."
Yousei pointed at him with his fork. "And bowel-wiping, I bet."
"Again, wouldn't know about that. All I know is: seasoning, pink-red inside, nauseating smell."
"Basic knowledge. I'm still doubtful."
"You're a daredevil, no? What's it going to hurt?" Kcalb took another bite of his french toastwich.
"I didn't say I wouldn't try it sometime, I'm just concerned that I'll be trapped in the bathroom for god knows how long."
Kcalb snorted, putting down his food to wipe his hands. Once they were clean enough, he picked up the manila folder sitting atop the table and looked through the stack of papers inside. It was so thick it just barely fit. Yousei quietly ate his breakfast and looked up when Kcalb commented, "I thought you knew I could cook meat."
Yousei shrugged a shoulder, shaking his head to move his hair away from his eyes. "You probably told me a while ago, and I forgot."
"What are all the highlights on some of these pages?"
"Blue for people we know, yellow for people we know of, pink for unidentified and purple for miscellaneous. Family, Chinese food, stuff that are uninvolved."
"Uh huh." Kcalb ran his eyes quickly over the area codes tracked down the pages, skipping them by the bunch and blinking to break his concentration every now and then to remember whose phone history he was looking at. "Wait."
Yousei popped a piece of bacon into his mouth. "Yeah?"
"Your phone history isn't here." Kcalb tried to slip the stack back into the envelope but it tore, so he simply placed it on top to review for later. "I thought I made it clear I wanted everyone's."
"Oh, shit." Yousei shot him an apologetic look. "I thought, since you asked me, you wouldn't need mine."
Pause. "Fair enough," Kcalb replied. "Tomorrow, your phone history, got it? From every phone you use, from July two thousand-eight to October two thousand-nine."
"You got it." Pause. "I know I'm not supposed to ask why, but.."
"Just a creeping suspicion," Kcalb replied coolly and quickly, leaning back in his seat. "I don't distrust you, but this I'll be keeping to myself."
"Yeah, fine. I understand."
Kcalb picked up his toastwich again, taking a large bite out of it. "I thought you said you were coming around lunchtime."
"We haven't had breakfast together for so long, I thought this might be nicer. I sent you a text this morning and you confirmed it."
Kcalb stopped chewing and swallowed. "I did?"
Yousei gave him a weird look. "Yeah."
"Really?"
"..Yeah."
"..Wow. I absolutely do not remember doing such a thing."
"Are you telling me someone else answered for you?"
Kcalb made a bewildered face. "I don't know, maybe I sleep-text."
"What an excuse that would be!" Yousei grinned and then gave it some thought. "Serious?"
"Yeah, maybe. In the past I'd get messages from people and they'd come up to me about it, and I'd be like 'what?' and they'd tell me, 'I sent you a text this morning and you responded.' Totally fucked up."
"Yeah, sounds like."
Kcalb shrugged, looking down when a piece of egg fell to the floor. Lund rose from his half-asleep state under the table and lapped it up, afterward putting his head down again.
"I thought you said you had enough with two Pommies, by the way," Yousei said as he looked down at Lund.
"Wasn't my idea. Ethan's. One day he asked me how I would feel if he found a dog and wanted to keep it. I said I'd give it away."
"And you didn't."
"Well, no, but that's actually because that's not what happened. I was like, why, you found one? And he said no. And then he goes, 'what if I want to buy one?' So I told him that's too bad. Then this thing comes out from hiding and Ethan's all like, yeah that's too bad too."
Yousei sputtered and let out a snicker. "My god."
"Yeah. You know, this thing's gonna be a monster when he becomes an adult. Just huge."
"I think it's funny how you have the Pommies and your brother gets the beast of a pet."
Kcalb shook his head, giving him a 'spare me' look. "I love big dogs. I've had a Bull Mastiff and a Rottweiler, trust me, I love big dogs. I only don't want to get them anymore because when they die, I get so stressed out with how big they are, just laying there. Freaks me the fuck out."
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. By the way, I saw Mathieu with an older guy walking out just as I parked in front of the house. We said hey but I guess he didn't have the time for introductions. They're going fishing, it looked like."
"That was my Uncle Colt you saw." Kcalb paused. "Make a black stallion joke and I'm beating the shit out of you right here in the kitchen."
Yousei laughed hard and clamped his hand over his mouth. "I didn't even think of that!"
"Yeah, well, Marty made that observation and now I'm just.." Kcalb shook his head. "Goddamn."
"Oh, that reminds me. Who are Kaiser and Wylie?"
"What?" Without shades, Kcalb's face was much easier to read.
Yousei immediately tried to backpedal, touching the back of his neck nervously. "My bad, is this a weird topic? Sorry."
"No, no, just.. where did you hear those names?"
"Uh, I guess your uncle was the one who mentioned them. He didn't say anything per se, just that when I headed over to wait by the door, he passed by and stopped me to ask if I was friends with either of them. I was like, I'm just here to see the kids. Then he let me go."
"Ah." Kcalb nodded slowly, looking down. "Got it. No, it's alright. I think you should know who they are."
"Is this bad or something?"
"Naw. Just secret." Kcalb gazed up at him. "So don't tell anyone or you're giving me the full right to pummel you till you talk out of your ass, literally this time."
"There's nothing, nobody between you and me, man."
"Right." Kcalb paused, unintentionally being dramatic. "My real name is Kaiser. Ethan's Wylie; Ethaniel's actually his middle name."
Yousei blinked, trying not to look simple. "Oh."
"Yeah. I know it's not so much of a big deal but it is to me, okay? I was fucking shocked when he called me by that name."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Don't worry. Won't tell a soul. I'd never do that to you."
"Thanks." Kcalb bowed his head. "I appreciate it."
"No problem, man." Yousei brushed his hair away from his face, tilting his head back just a bit to examine Kcalb carefully. "To be fair, I'll share something with you too. My real name."
"Real name?"
Yousei snorted. "What? Yeah, my real name. You think 'Yousei' is my real name? You know what that means? It means fairy, dude."
Kcalb let out a chortle. "Oh, god, I know. It's so great."
"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Anyway, if you thought that was my real name, you're outta what's left of your fucking mind."
Kcalb thought of Buddy for a moment, his lips curling into a thin smile. "A part of me was totally hoping it was your real name."
"It's Youzen."
"What?"
"Don't make me repeat it for you. It's just as precious to me as yours is to you."
"I know, I know, but like, fuck. That sounds cool."
Yousei furrowed his brows, snickering bashfully. "What, really?"
"Yeah. Anybody ever meets a Youzen, they'd probably think about what a total badass that guy must be. I think it's probably because of the Z. Any name with a Z in it gets automatic motherfucker points or something, I don't know."
Yousei belted out with laughter, staring at him ludicrously. "Excuse me??"
"Yeah! Don't laugh, I'm not playing. Like Zoro or Zebediah or what have you." Kcalb started to laugh as well, infected by Yousei's amusement.
"You can't possibly be insinuating that Zachary is the name of a badass."
"Dude, what? Of course it is. Oh my god. Zack sounds so fucking cool. And Zed, that asshole from Pulp Fiction."
"Got his dick shot off."
"Not before he had his way with another motherfucker, so.." Kcalb shrugged, and they both ceased to a low snickering. "Like, fuck! There's also Zordon, Zeus," Yousei gasped excitedly, "Izaak, Balthazar.. Oh my god, I should throw a fucking Z to the end of my name and be done with it." Kcalb slapped his hand on the table as Yousei began to laugh again, shaking his head. "I swear to god."
"Just..fucking..change it to Kcalz or Zalb or something," Yousei giggled. "Or, fucking, Kcalb-Z."
Kcalb dropped his head down onto the table, trying so hard to suppress himself that his eyes began to tear up.
"fuuuuuck."
note: happened around 7.