Swallow (pt. II)
Sitting in a convertible with the top down in front of a beach wasn't that bad when one was hungover; then again, it just could be better.
Kcalb held out a bottle to Ju Cai, who was in the passenger's seat. "Hair of the dog?"
"Oh god," Ju Cai groaned out. "I hate that expression." He snatched the bottle and popped it open, immediately plugging his mouth. "Ugh, drinking wine out of the bottle. Could we be anymore trashy today?"
"Hey, fuck you, man. I'm classy as hell." Kcalb wrinkled his nose and raised his hands up over his head as a breeze passed over them, enjoying the temporary chill underneath the relentless sun. "So, the girl you woke up next to, did she have a regretful face or was she actually decent for a drunk to pick up?"
"What girl?" Ju Cai jerked in his seat as some wine dripped down his chin and wiped it off with the sleeve of his white Comme des Garçons shirt. "That reminds me, sorry about your shirt yesterday, by the way."
Kcalb shook his head, recalling the button that popped off and the sizable tear in the seam. "It's whatever. So does that mean you woke up next to a guy?" He furrowed his brows.
"What guy?" Ju Cai took another swig from the bottle. "I didn't wake up next to anyone. It seems I was too drunk to pick anybody up. How was your night after the club? I saw you faking interest in that girl."
"Goddamn right I was faking interest," Kcalb snorted. "She was talking to me about her extensions and she wanted my opinion on what color she should dye her hair. She wanted it to be like..turquoise and fucking green, or some shit like that."
Ju Cai cracked up and then hushed down, the migraine bothering him. "So what did you tell her?"
"I told her that she would look hot." Kcalb snickered and shook his head. "Oh my god.." He pressed his hand over his face and snickered harder. "That's fucking ridiculous." Ju Cai giggled, and Kcalb continued. "I actually went home with her, if you'll believe that."
"No way! What did you two even do?" Ju Cai handed the bottle back so Kcalb could take his own gulp.
"Nothing. She was buzzed and I was just fucking around, being a "tease", as they say. I told her I wouldn't do anything unless we had our privacy, so she took me to her house, and.." Kcalb snorted. "I'll tell you because you're the only one who's going to think this shit's funny."
"What shit?"
"This shit, when you shut up and I tell you." Kcalb handed the bottle back. "We got up to her room and I told her, again, that I won't do anything until she took her clothes off. So she did, and she got on her bed and went to town on herself--by the way, I think that's fucking weird," He paused as they both cracked up. "I mean, you know? Don't masturbate to me while I'm in the room, goddamn."
"All my girlfriends, man, all my girlfriends," Ju Cai laughed and drank the rest of the bottle down. "Or should I say, just the two I've had."
"Shit, really?"
"Yes, now shut up and continue your story. Wait," Ju Cai blinked. "..Do the second one."
"Well, I.." Kcalb shrugged. "I told her I was going to go to the bathroom and undress. I actually went into the kitchen and stole her drinks," he pointed at the now-empty bottle of Dom Perignon, "And then I left the house."
Ju Cai gasped and looked down at the bottle. "You are such an ass." He leaned over to look in the back. "Did you take any more than this?"
"Yep, in the trunk."
"I'll be right back. Pop it for me." Ju Cai got up and leaped out while Kcalb hit the button. The trunk lifted.
"Tell me about your dating history, Ju. You said two? Does that include Eva or doesn't it?"
"Actually," Ju Cai moved the door up and picked up the bag, then brought it down and returned to hop back into his seat. He settled in and then turned his head to look at Kcalb mischievously. "It does."
"That's.." Kcalb raised his brows. "Wow. Really? Wow. I'm honestly surprised, man."
"Well that's just my sexual history, man," Ju Cai leaned the seat back and stared up into the sky. "I've dated plenty of girls before but I only ever had sex with two. The rest just don't count to me because our relationships were so short-lived." Ju Cai reached over and reclined Kcalb's seat, making him fall back, surprised.
"Who else have you dated? I'm just curious." Kcalb wiggled a little to make himself more comfortable, and then relaxed.
"Oh, there's just been a whole handful, maybe two. I think the one that catches most people's attention is.." Ju Cai paused. "The midget."
Kcalb stayed quiet, waiting for a punchline. When it didn't come, he looked at Ju Cai with a bewildered look. "No fucking way, man. You can't be serious."
"Totally fucking serious. A hundred and ten percent, that's how serious I am." Ju Cai smiled and looked back at him. "I don't feel bad about having dated her, you know. She was sweet. She came up, like.." He brought his hand up to a point lower than his chest. "About there."
"I can't believe you dated a fucking dwarf, man."
"Hey, I don't like to discriminate against potential lovers. I'm sure you don't like to do that either, you fucking social butterfly."
"Well, hey," Kcalb shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "It's true. I'm just surprised. I didn't think you would be able to sacrifice something like normal appearance."
"Oh, shut up. She is normal." Ju Cai turned away and pouted.
"So why did you only have sex with two of your dates, Ju?"
"They were Taylor and Eva." Ju Cai pushed his bangs away from his face and looked back up into the sky, admiring the sweep of blue and the crepuscular rays breaking through the clouds that blocked the sun. "I thought if I slept with models, I could set up a standard for myself."
"Did you?"
"Fuck standards."
Kcalb laughed and shook his head. "You are fucking crazy."
"How were your dating experiences? You ever date anyone people thought you were too good for, too?"
"Yeah." Kcalb sighed wistfully and stretched out, crossing his ankles. "In my last year of school I gave this girl a chance. You remember Yousei, right? He identifies her as "the fat chick" but," He paused and let Ju Cai snicker. "She was just a bit chubby, really. And it was cute. I met her in choir, so she was a good singer. Small, kind of loud, high-pitched."
Ju Cai giggled. "You dated a chubby."
"Yes, I damn sure did." Kcalb snorted. "She was the first girl, the first person I fell in love with. She was so bubbly and so no-nonsense that it was really hard for me not to like her. Of course, she was concerned with her looks and her weight, and she always dolled herself up with makeup and she never liked taking pictures but, you know something? She made me happy anyway."
"That's sweet." Ju Cai gave him a lopsided grin. "What happened, if you say you loved her?"
"It's complicated but I still love her." Kcalb turned away and scratched his nose. "I left her in Germany to come here, and I told her that when I become stable, I'll come back for her..bring her here, marry her, you know, the usual movie-esque shit. I got into this sort of job," He coughed. "I was making money but I wasn't settled yet. She gave me two years before she broke up with me, because I was taking too long." Another breeze passed and he scratched his head. "Recently she called me, saying she wanted me to be her son's godfather."
"Oh, so you still talk to her." Ju Cai quirked a brow. "She's married now?"
"Yep. I cried when she told me, and I cried again when she said all that godfather stuff. I kept telling myself that could've been me with wedding pictures, that could've been my son, that could've been a family I brought up." Kcalb shrugged and shook his head. "Still fucking hurts, man."
"I can't even imagine," Ju Cai said softly. "She's still the one?"
"Trust me, no. No way. Look, up to now I've fallen in love with three people and I still love them. I really do. You know who Thomas is, right? He's the second." Kcalb scratched his nose. "Sometimes I dream that it's four years ago and I'm still with him. I wake up with a wet face and a red nose, while my head's pounding and shit. Feel like crap."
"Has he found anyone else too?"
"No. He hasn't. At least, not that I've heard." Kcalb sniffed. "Sometimes I feel bad, being with Gavin, but I love him too so it's like..you know? Why would I do that to myself? Why would I do that to him?"
"What if they all came to you and they wanted you to choose?"
"Shit." Kcalb rubbed his eye. "If they all came to me, I would..probably turn around and leave them all behind."
Ju Cai furrowed his brows sympathetically. "It's really that tough?"
"Yeah, it's really that tough. I have a lot of room in here," Kcalb placed his hand over his heart. "So giving me the chance to decide would be like, I don't know. Fuck it?" Pause. "You've never loved anyone, Ju?"
"Nope." Ju Cai shook his head. "Well, I did. I loved Taylor even though I..hurt her really bad." He averted his gaze. "Even though I indirectly got her killed. I can't even tell you how much I still wish she was here, how much I wish I hadn't been born just so maybe she could've had a nicer life than the one she had with me in it." Ju Cai sighed. "Neat how something as dreamy as love could make you wish you had more to do with self-deliverance."
"Goddamn, yeah." Kcalb reached into his pocket and checked his watch, the one he got for Christmas. "I actually used to do Russian roulette every beginning of the month, see if I'm lucky or not. Evidently, I'm not." He snorted. "I told Marty about it and he ransacked my house and my office to get rid of the revolvers I had."
"Thank god for him."
"I guess so, yeah, if you really want to thank that guy." Kcalb tucked the pocket watch away. "I don't know. It's this, man, it's all this. I fucking..hate it." Sigh. "I love my life outside of the suits I wear."
"I like the handshakes, hate the bullets. I'd rather say cheers than make another gunshot." Ju Cai adjusted his position. "I find no joy in this job. I can only hope that, one day, this could all stop."
"That would be a fucking dream come true." Kcalb closed his eyes and raised his hands into the wind again. "I could cut my hair and take these sunglasses off."
"I could cut a scar through my tattoo, get married to a girl--" Ju Cai hesitated, "Or guy who isn't Chinese. Stop doing drugs.."
"I think you should stop that anyway."
"Right."
Kcalb sighed and folded his arms. "Most of all, I could just..stop being rude."
"Huh. Too bad we can't do that by ourselves."
"Yeah." Kcalb tsked and sat up to spit outside the car. "Who are you taking to that party?"
"I don't know." Ju Cai shrugged. "I don't know yet. Do you know who you're going to take with you already?"
"Yeah. I'm taking Lincoln with me. Dima's going to be there, so maybe a grumpy amputee will scare him off."
"That's clever." Ju Cai snorted. "An amputee bodyguard is a force to be reckoned with."
"Fuck yeah, it is."
Ju Cai paused. "To be honest with you, Kcalb, I wasn't invited to that party. I just heard about it." He stretched out an arm. "Sounds like everyone's invited except me."
"What? Why? That's..suspicious as hell."
"I don't know. I don't think I want to care." Ju Cai pushed his hair back and sat his seat up. "..Hey, I know this is spontaneous but we should go back to that club."
Kcalb adjusted his seat and watched as Ju Cai reached into the bag to take out another bottle. "Why, are we still sad or something? More recovery time?" He turned on the ignition, momentarily distracted by the sea in front of him.
"No," Ju Cai shook his head. "I just want to go do something. Can we?"
"You got it, player," Kcalb dragged out the last word with a sly look, knowing Ju Cai would get annoyed.
"Oh god," Ju Cai gasped and rolled his eyes. "Shut the fuck up and drive."
-
It was a strange meeting place but being at a supermarket did give the chance to simply mill around for things that maybe they needed, maybe they didn't. William leaned in closer, unsure if what he heard was true. "Y'said what?"
"I said yeah," Benjamin growled out a whisper, eying the frozen food section for something hopeful. "She wouldn't leave me alone and she said she just needed the title. I didn't have t'do anything diff'rent. Matter o'fact, I slept with another girl last night."
"Did'y actually tell her that?"
"Yeah." Benjamin wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "So?"
"So," William shrugged back. "She do anything? Cry, get mad, hit'y?"
"If that bitch hit me I would'a fuckin' turned'er into ground meat, but no. She didn't do shite. Said she's had her eye on this other guy and that she was glad we could be so honest in this.. loose--" he raised his arms, stressing that he had no better word choice, "--relationship we, apparently, now have."
William touched the back of his neck to get rid of a chill. "Can't believe y'said yeah."
"I never kissed'er, never fucked'er, never did shite. And since I don't have to, who cares? The title's annoying but it's fine. She's not asking fer anything except just t'say that she's got a boy."
"Why couldn't she've found someone else?" William picked up a can and put it down for the third time.
"Because," Benjamin made a gesture and looked at the can William just checked out. "She wanted someone who wouldn't give a shite about'er, who wouldn't be sad whenever we "break up", who wouldn't, I don'know, cause stress."
"I guess that makes sense." William waved a fly away. "I don't get why date'y then."
"Know what? I don't get it either. Maybe she's a masochist." Benjamin found a can of clam chowder and pushed it into William's hand. "Fer Donovan."
"Aye." William stopped to pick up another can. "Should'a gotten a basket?"
Benjamin nodded. "Should'a gotten a basket."
"I'll use my coat."
"You'll look like y're stealing it all."
"Isn't that what we used to do?"
"Meh, today's a slow day. Don't feel like running if it's going to come to that," Benjamin came to a halt as he nearly bumped into someone trying to get by. "Don't I know'y?"
Lincoln turned his head and looked at him. "I'm sorry, I don't remember."
Benjamin leaned away and tilted his head, nodding slowly. "Yeah..y'used to be a blondie, and wore glasses. What the feck happened to yer eye?"
Lincoln frowned and blocked it with his hand. "Please don't ask."
"Holy shite, yer fingers're gone too?"
"Not so loud, please. I'm sorry but I really don't remember if we've met or not.. I'll be on my way now." Lincoln turned away but Benjamin grasped his sleeve.
"Hold on a minute. We've met. Maybe y'don't remember but we've met and things are missing on'y that should be there. How's yer other hand?"
"It's not there anymore." Lincoln frowned deeply and gave him a pleading look. "Please, let me be on my way. I'm sorry I almost walked into you."
"I said hold on, dammit. The feck're y'doing around with just three fingers and no basket or something? Y're here to get stuff, aren't'y?"
Lincoln stared at him with a somewhat worried look. "Just a couple of things."
"Fuck that shite. Me an'Willie here can help'y out."
"I said it's just a couple of things..." Lincoln trailed off. "I don't even know your name."
"Benjamin."
"Mister Benjamin, I'm only here to get a few things, no more than what I can't hold. I don't need anything else."
"Well, that's too bad." Benjamin snapped his fingers. "Willie?"
William perked up. "You like clam chowder, sir?"
Lincoln furrowed his eyebrows. "It's smelly."
Benjamin picked up a third can and stuck it into the crook of William's arm. "Everything's smelly; deal with it. Now, what's yer name again..Lili? S'what I remember hearing. Whaddya usually eat?"
"Bread and mayonnaise." Lincoln sighed and started walking, Benjamin just ahead of him and still holding onto his sleeve.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Holy shite, that's no way t'eat." Benjamin sighed and shook his head. "Did'y drive here?"
"No. I've been declared unfit to drive." Lincoln paused. "Please stop asking me so many questions."
"Y'walked? How far d'you live?" Benjamin tugged Lincoln forward, close enough that they were nearly stepping on each other. He pointed at something and William picked it up. "I'm gonna ask'y as many questions as I want."
Lincoln made a strained face and looked down, somewhat grateful but somewhat not.
-
"Long feckin' walk fer just a few things." Benjamin wrinkled his nose as he locked up the car. Stolen vehicle.Lincoln opened the front door to his house and let the other two in. William ended up carrying three full bags of groceries; he set them on the kitchen floor, per Lincoln's instruction.
Benjamin closed the front door with his foot and seemingly out of nowhere, two Shetland Sheepdogs bound over to sniff and nip at his ankles. The larger one was dominantly sable while the smaller was a tan-bordering-mahogany color. "Got dogs."
"Yes," Lincoln turned around and nodded. "The bigger one is Bubba. The other one isn't mine." He turned again and continued to the dining table, sitting down heavily onto a seat with an exasperated sigh. "If you know me, you probably know Yousei."
"That doctor? Sure feckin' do. Broke something 'round here," Benjamin patted his chest. "He's the guy who sorta-treated me. Also the guy who, um," he scratched his head, "Saved m'life."
"I'm happy to hear he had that sort of impact on you." Lincoln blinked as William picked up the groceries and began looking through his cabinets. "Excuse me, what are you doing?"
"Putting this all away," William responded. "Don't'y have someone t'help you? Nobody can help'y here?"
"You don't have to do that. Please don't do that," Lincoln quickly got up but Benjamin sat him back down. "I can do that myself later."
"It's fine," Benjamin tried to push the dogs away with his foot. Bubba barked at him and tried to bite his shoe, but Benjamin stamped it down and scared the animals away. "He asked the question 'fore I could."
Lincoln inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "What question?"
"Don't'y have someone t'help'y around here? Y'work with Yousei, right? So yer boss is Anthaniel? He doesn't help'y?"
"He certainly could." Lincoln adjusted his eyepatch. "And he would, but he has things to do and I'd rather he meet with all of that instead." He looked up at Benjamin, unblinking, to stress his next few words. "He respects my independence."
"I respect yer independence, but ain't it nice to have some help once in a while?" Benjamin picked up the packaged meats and handed them off to William to be placed in the refrigerator. "I even paid fer yer things. Least y'could do is look grateful, Amputee."
Lincoln looked miffed at the nickname. "Well thanks."
"Y're welcome." Benjamin walked to peek around the doorways, inspecting the rooms. "Clean as hell in'ere."
"I don't have anything else to do during the day."
"No one visits?"
"Sometimes they do."
"Like who? Give me some names." Benjamin snapped his fingers a few times.
Lincoln winced. "Why would you need their names?"
"Just want to see if y're telling the truth."
"Csaba and Marty," Lincoln frowned. "Why would I bother to lie to you about something as simple as that?"
"Maybe because it's not that simple. Maybe it's because y're just trying t'get us outta yer hair." Benjamin walked back and ruffled Lincoln's hair. "Sorry but we'll be here a while. Y'never know, maybe you'll feel better fer the company."
"I have dogs."
"Stubborn, eh? Dogs can't talk t'you the way I talk t'you."
"Rudely?"
"No. With words." Benjamin rolled his eyes and made a yakking gesture. "Y'know? People're neat sometimes, sometimes," He stressed.
"we're like two peas in a pod; i don't like people much either but, meh, need'em, don't we?"
note: this takes place just a day after the last post--yesterday.
Kcalb held out a bottle to Ju Cai, who was in the passenger's seat. "Hair of the dog?"
"Oh god," Ju Cai groaned out. "I hate that expression." He snatched the bottle and popped it open, immediately plugging his mouth. "Ugh, drinking wine out of the bottle. Could we be anymore trashy today?"
"Hey, fuck you, man. I'm classy as hell." Kcalb wrinkled his nose and raised his hands up over his head as a breeze passed over them, enjoying the temporary chill underneath the relentless sun. "So, the girl you woke up next to, did she have a regretful face or was she actually decent for a drunk to pick up?"
"What girl?" Ju Cai jerked in his seat as some wine dripped down his chin and wiped it off with the sleeve of his white Comme des Garçons shirt. "That reminds me, sorry about your shirt yesterday, by the way."
Kcalb shook his head, recalling the button that popped off and the sizable tear in the seam. "It's whatever. So does that mean you woke up next to a guy?" He furrowed his brows.
"What guy?" Ju Cai took another swig from the bottle. "I didn't wake up next to anyone. It seems I was too drunk to pick anybody up. How was your night after the club? I saw you faking interest in that girl."
"Goddamn right I was faking interest," Kcalb snorted. "She was talking to me about her extensions and she wanted my opinion on what color she should dye her hair. She wanted it to be like..turquoise and fucking green, or some shit like that."
Ju Cai cracked up and then hushed down, the migraine bothering him. "So what did you tell her?"
"I told her that she would look hot." Kcalb snickered and shook his head. "Oh my god.." He pressed his hand over his face and snickered harder. "That's fucking ridiculous." Ju Cai giggled, and Kcalb continued. "I actually went home with her, if you'll believe that."
"No way! What did you two even do?" Ju Cai handed the bottle back so Kcalb could take his own gulp.
"Nothing. She was buzzed and I was just fucking around, being a "tease", as they say. I told her I wouldn't do anything unless we had our privacy, so she took me to her house, and.." Kcalb snorted. "I'll tell you because you're the only one who's going to think this shit's funny."
"What shit?"
"This shit, when you shut up and I tell you." Kcalb handed the bottle back. "We got up to her room and I told her, again, that I won't do anything until she took her clothes off. So she did, and she got on her bed and went to town on herself--by the way, I think that's fucking weird," He paused as they both cracked up. "I mean, you know? Don't masturbate to me while I'm in the room, goddamn."
"All my girlfriends, man, all my girlfriends," Ju Cai laughed and drank the rest of the bottle down. "Or should I say, just the two I've had."
"Shit, really?"
"Yes, now shut up and continue your story. Wait," Ju Cai blinked. "..Do the second one."
"Well, I.." Kcalb shrugged. "I told her I was going to go to the bathroom and undress. I actually went into the kitchen and stole her drinks," he pointed at the now-empty bottle of Dom Perignon, "And then I left the house."
Ju Cai gasped and looked down at the bottle. "You are such an ass." He leaned over to look in the back. "Did you take any more than this?"
"Yep, in the trunk."
"I'll be right back. Pop it for me." Ju Cai got up and leaped out while Kcalb hit the button. The trunk lifted.
"Tell me about your dating history, Ju. You said two? Does that include Eva or doesn't it?"
"Actually," Ju Cai moved the door up and picked up the bag, then brought it down and returned to hop back into his seat. He settled in and then turned his head to look at Kcalb mischievously. "It does."
"That's.." Kcalb raised his brows. "Wow. Really? Wow. I'm honestly surprised, man."
"Well that's just my sexual history, man," Ju Cai leaned the seat back and stared up into the sky. "I've dated plenty of girls before but I only ever had sex with two. The rest just don't count to me because our relationships were so short-lived." Ju Cai reached over and reclined Kcalb's seat, making him fall back, surprised.
"Who else have you dated? I'm just curious." Kcalb wiggled a little to make himself more comfortable, and then relaxed.
"Oh, there's just been a whole handful, maybe two. I think the one that catches most people's attention is.." Ju Cai paused. "The midget."
Kcalb stayed quiet, waiting for a punchline. When it didn't come, he looked at Ju Cai with a bewildered look. "No fucking way, man. You can't be serious."
"Totally fucking serious. A hundred and ten percent, that's how serious I am." Ju Cai smiled and looked back at him. "I don't feel bad about having dated her, you know. She was sweet. She came up, like.." He brought his hand up to a point lower than his chest. "About there."
"I can't believe you dated a fucking dwarf, man."
"Hey, I don't like to discriminate against potential lovers. I'm sure you don't like to do that either, you fucking social butterfly."
"Well, hey," Kcalb shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "It's true. I'm just surprised. I didn't think you would be able to sacrifice something like normal appearance."
"Oh, shut up. She is normal." Ju Cai turned away and pouted.
"So why did you only have sex with two of your dates, Ju?"
"They were Taylor and Eva." Ju Cai pushed his bangs away from his face and looked back up into the sky, admiring the sweep of blue and the crepuscular rays breaking through the clouds that blocked the sun. "I thought if I slept with models, I could set up a standard for myself."
"Did you?"
"Fuck standards."
Kcalb laughed and shook his head. "You are fucking crazy."
"How were your dating experiences? You ever date anyone people thought you were too good for, too?"
"Yeah." Kcalb sighed wistfully and stretched out, crossing his ankles. "In my last year of school I gave this girl a chance. You remember Yousei, right? He identifies her as "the fat chick" but," He paused and let Ju Cai snicker. "She was just a bit chubby, really. And it was cute. I met her in choir, so she was a good singer. Small, kind of loud, high-pitched."
Ju Cai giggled. "You dated a chubby."
"Yes, I damn sure did." Kcalb snorted. "She was the first girl, the first person I fell in love with. She was so bubbly and so no-nonsense that it was really hard for me not to like her. Of course, she was concerned with her looks and her weight, and she always dolled herself up with makeup and she never liked taking pictures but, you know something? She made me happy anyway."
"That's sweet." Ju Cai gave him a lopsided grin. "What happened, if you say you loved her?"
"It's complicated but I still love her." Kcalb turned away and scratched his nose. "I left her in Germany to come here, and I told her that when I become stable, I'll come back for her..bring her here, marry her, you know, the usual movie-esque shit. I got into this sort of job," He coughed. "I was making money but I wasn't settled yet. She gave me two years before she broke up with me, because I was taking too long." Another breeze passed and he scratched his head. "Recently she called me, saying she wanted me to be her son's godfather."
"Oh, so you still talk to her." Ju Cai quirked a brow. "She's married now?"
"Yep. I cried when she told me, and I cried again when she said all that godfather stuff. I kept telling myself that could've been me with wedding pictures, that could've been my son, that could've been a family I brought up." Kcalb shrugged and shook his head. "Still fucking hurts, man."
"I can't even imagine," Ju Cai said softly. "She's still the one?"
"Trust me, no. No way. Look, up to now I've fallen in love with three people and I still love them. I really do. You know who Thomas is, right? He's the second." Kcalb scratched his nose. "Sometimes I dream that it's four years ago and I'm still with him. I wake up with a wet face and a red nose, while my head's pounding and shit. Feel like crap."
"Has he found anyone else too?"
"No. He hasn't. At least, not that I've heard." Kcalb sniffed. "Sometimes I feel bad, being with Gavin, but I love him too so it's like..you know? Why would I do that to myself? Why would I do that to him?"
"What if they all came to you and they wanted you to choose?"
"Shit." Kcalb rubbed his eye. "If they all came to me, I would..probably turn around and leave them all behind."
Ju Cai furrowed his brows sympathetically. "It's really that tough?"
"Yeah, it's really that tough. I have a lot of room in here," Kcalb placed his hand over his heart. "So giving me the chance to decide would be like, I don't know. Fuck it?" Pause. "You've never loved anyone, Ju?"
"Nope." Ju Cai shook his head. "Well, I did. I loved Taylor even though I..hurt her really bad." He averted his gaze. "Even though I indirectly got her killed. I can't even tell you how much I still wish she was here, how much I wish I hadn't been born just so maybe she could've had a nicer life than the one she had with me in it." Ju Cai sighed. "Neat how something as dreamy as love could make you wish you had more to do with self-deliverance."
"Goddamn, yeah." Kcalb reached into his pocket and checked his watch, the one he got for Christmas. "I actually used to do Russian roulette every beginning of the month, see if I'm lucky or not. Evidently, I'm not." He snorted. "I told Marty about it and he ransacked my house and my office to get rid of the revolvers I had."
"Thank god for him."
"I guess so, yeah, if you really want to thank that guy." Kcalb tucked the pocket watch away. "I don't know. It's this, man, it's all this. I fucking..hate it." Sigh. "I love my life outside of the suits I wear."
"I like the handshakes, hate the bullets. I'd rather say cheers than make another gunshot." Ju Cai adjusted his position. "I find no joy in this job. I can only hope that, one day, this could all stop."
"That would be a fucking dream come true." Kcalb closed his eyes and raised his hands into the wind again. "I could cut my hair and take these sunglasses off."
"I could cut a scar through my tattoo, get married to a girl--" Ju Cai hesitated, "Or guy who isn't Chinese. Stop doing drugs.."
"I think you should stop that anyway."
"Right."
Kcalb sighed and folded his arms. "Most of all, I could just..stop being rude."
"Huh. Too bad we can't do that by ourselves."
"Yeah." Kcalb tsked and sat up to spit outside the car. "Who are you taking to that party?"
"I don't know." Ju Cai shrugged. "I don't know yet. Do you know who you're going to take with you already?"
"Yeah. I'm taking Lincoln with me. Dima's going to be there, so maybe a grumpy amputee will scare him off."
"That's clever." Ju Cai snorted. "An amputee bodyguard is a force to be reckoned with."
"Fuck yeah, it is."
Ju Cai paused. "To be honest with you, Kcalb, I wasn't invited to that party. I just heard about it." He stretched out an arm. "Sounds like everyone's invited except me."
"What? Why? That's..suspicious as hell."
"I don't know. I don't think I want to care." Ju Cai pushed his hair back and sat his seat up. "..Hey, I know this is spontaneous but we should go back to that club."
Kcalb adjusted his seat and watched as Ju Cai reached into the bag to take out another bottle. "Why, are we still sad or something? More recovery time?" He turned on the ignition, momentarily distracted by the sea in front of him.
"No," Ju Cai shook his head. "I just want to go do something. Can we?"
"You got it, player," Kcalb dragged out the last word with a sly look, knowing Ju Cai would get annoyed.
"Oh god," Ju Cai gasped and rolled his eyes. "Shut the fuck up and drive."
-
It was a strange meeting place but being at a supermarket did give the chance to simply mill around for things that maybe they needed, maybe they didn't. William leaned in closer, unsure if what he heard was true. "Y'said what?"
"I said yeah," Benjamin growled out a whisper, eying the frozen food section for something hopeful. "She wouldn't leave me alone and she said she just needed the title. I didn't have t'do anything diff'rent. Matter o'fact, I slept with another girl last night."
"Did'y actually tell her that?"
"Yeah." Benjamin wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "So?"
"So," William shrugged back. "She do anything? Cry, get mad, hit'y?"
"If that bitch hit me I would'a fuckin' turned'er into ground meat, but no. She didn't do shite. Said she's had her eye on this other guy and that she was glad we could be so honest in this.. loose--" he raised his arms, stressing that he had no better word choice, "--relationship we, apparently, now have."
William touched the back of his neck to get rid of a chill. "Can't believe y'said yeah."
"I never kissed'er, never fucked'er, never did shite. And since I don't have to, who cares? The title's annoying but it's fine. She's not asking fer anything except just t'say that she's got a boy."
"Why couldn't she've found someone else?" William picked up a can and put it down for the third time.
"Because," Benjamin made a gesture and looked at the can William just checked out. "She wanted someone who wouldn't give a shite about'er, who wouldn't be sad whenever we "break up", who wouldn't, I don'know, cause stress."
"I guess that makes sense." William waved a fly away. "I don't get why date'y then."
"Know what? I don't get it either. Maybe she's a masochist." Benjamin found a can of clam chowder and pushed it into William's hand. "Fer Donovan."
"Aye." William stopped to pick up another can. "Should'a gotten a basket?"
Benjamin nodded. "Should'a gotten a basket."
"I'll use my coat."
"You'll look like y're stealing it all."
"Isn't that what we used to do?"
"Meh, today's a slow day. Don't feel like running if it's going to come to that," Benjamin came to a halt as he nearly bumped into someone trying to get by. "Don't I know'y?"
Lincoln turned his head and looked at him. "I'm sorry, I don't remember."
Benjamin leaned away and tilted his head, nodding slowly. "Yeah..y'used to be a blondie, and wore glasses. What the feck happened to yer eye?"
Lincoln frowned and blocked it with his hand. "Please don't ask."
"Holy shite, yer fingers're gone too?"
"Not so loud, please. I'm sorry but I really don't remember if we've met or not.. I'll be on my way now." Lincoln turned away but Benjamin grasped his sleeve.
"Hold on a minute. We've met. Maybe y'don't remember but we've met and things are missing on'y that should be there. How's yer other hand?"
"It's not there anymore." Lincoln frowned deeply and gave him a pleading look. "Please, let me be on my way. I'm sorry I almost walked into you."
"I said hold on, dammit. The feck're y'doing around with just three fingers and no basket or something? Y're here to get stuff, aren't'y?"
Lincoln stared at him with a somewhat worried look. "Just a couple of things."
"Fuck that shite. Me an'Willie here can help'y out."
"I said it's just a couple of things..." Lincoln trailed off. "I don't even know your name."
"Benjamin."
"Mister Benjamin, I'm only here to get a few things, no more than what I can't hold. I don't need anything else."
"Well, that's too bad." Benjamin snapped his fingers. "Willie?"
William perked up. "You like clam chowder, sir?"
Lincoln furrowed his eyebrows. "It's smelly."
Benjamin picked up a third can and stuck it into the crook of William's arm. "Everything's smelly; deal with it. Now, what's yer name again..Lili? S'what I remember hearing. Whaddya usually eat?"
"Bread and mayonnaise." Lincoln sighed and started walking, Benjamin just ahead of him and still holding onto his sleeve.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Holy shite, that's no way t'eat." Benjamin sighed and shook his head. "Did'y drive here?"
"No. I've been declared unfit to drive." Lincoln paused. "Please stop asking me so many questions."
"Y'walked? How far d'you live?" Benjamin tugged Lincoln forward, close enough that they were nearly stepping on each other. He pointed at something and William picked it up. "I'm gonna ask'y as many questions as I want."
Lincoln made a strained face and looked down, somewhat grateful but somewhat not.
-
"Long feckin' walk fer just a few things." Benjamin wrinkled his nose as he locked up the car. Stolen vehicle.Lincoln opened the front door to his house and let the other two in. William ended up carrying three full bags of groceries; he set them on the kitchen floor, per Lincoln's instruction.
Benjamin closed the front door with his foot and seemingly out of nowhere, two Shetland Sheepdogs bound over to sniff and nip at his ankles. The larger one was dominantly sable while the smaller was a tan-bordering-mahogany color. "Got dogs."
"Yes," Lincoln turned around and nodded. "The bigger one is Bubba. The other one isn't mine." He turned again and continued to the dining table, sitting down heavily onto a seat with an exasperated sigh. "If you know me, you probably know Yousei."
"That doctor? Sure feckin' do. Broke something 'round here," Benjamin patted his chest. "He's the guy who sorta-treated me. Also the guy who, um," he scratched his head, "Saved m'life."
"I'm happy to hear he had that sort of impact on you." Lincoln blinked as William picked up the groceries and began looking through his cabinets. "Excuse me, what are you doing?"
"Putting this all away," William responded. "Don't'y have someone t'help you? Nobody can help'y here?"
"You don't have to do that. Please don't do that," Lincoln quickly got up but Benjamin sat him back down. "I can do that myself later."
"It's fine," Benjamin tried to push the dogs away with his foot. Bubba barked at him and tried to bite his shoe, but Benjamin stamped it down and scared the animals away. "He asked the question 'fore I could."
Lincoln inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "What question?"
"Don't'y have someone t'help'y around here? Y'work with Yousei, right? So yer boss is Anthaniel? He doesn't help'y?"
"He certainly could." Lincoln adjusted his eyepatch. "And he would, but he has things to do and I'd rather he meet with all of that instead." He looked up at Benjamin, unblinking, to stress his next few words. "He respects my independence."
"I respect yer independence, but ain't it nice to have some help once in a while?" Benjamin picked up the packaged meats and handed them off to William to be placed in the refrigerator. "I even paid fer yer things. Least y'could do is look grateful, Amputee."
Lincoln looked miffed at the nickname. "Well thanks."
"Y're welcome." Benjamin walked to peek around the doorways, inspecting the rooms. "Clean as hell in'ere."
"I don't have anything else to do during the day."
"No one visits?"
"Sometimes they do."
"Like who? Give me some names." Benjamin snapped his fingers a few times.
Lincoln winced. "Why would you need their names?"
"Just want to see if y're telling the truth."
"Csaba and Marty," Lincoln frowned. "Why would I bother to lie to you about something as simple as that?"
"Maybe because it's not that simple. Maybe it's because y're just trying t'get us outta yer hair." Benjamin walked back and ruffled Lincoln's hair. "Sorry but we'll be here a while. Y'never know, maybe you'll feel better fer the company."
"I have dogs."
"Stubborn, eh? Dogs can't talk t'you the way I talk t'you."
"Rudely?"
"No. With words." Benjamin rolled his eyes and made a yakking gesture. "Y'know? People're neat sometimes, sometimes," He stressed.
"we're like two peas in a pod; i don't like people much either but, meh, need'em, don't we?"
note: this takes place just a day after the last post--yesterday.