(no subject)
As he stepped out of the bathroom, his mouth tasting distinctly minty from having just been cleaned, Krysia sat up quickly at the light and it made him jump. "Dammit!"
"Oh.. sorry, Oscar." Krysia yawned and fell back onto the bed, rolling over to sprawl out more comfortably. Mimi was still gone. "You're up already... ?"
"Yeah. I couldn't sleep so I just got ready instead." Pause. "But now that I did, I'm pretty tired." He frowned and pause again before muttering. "Shit."
"Haven't you caught a wink of rest at all? Why don't you just lie down and go back to sleep? Come on, you should be taking advantage of when your insomnia's finally relented a little bit." Krysia pointed at the bed over.
"No. I'm not tired enough," Oscar sat down on his bed to check the drawers on the nightstand for his hair bleach. He sighed and arched his back for a moment to crack it before resuming his search. "I'm bothered by something anyway. I forgot to talk about it with you last night but since we're both up now, we might as well."
Krysia swallowed thickly and felt the pace of his heartbeat quicken. Oscar was already irritable due to his lack of sleep; had he done something to frustrate him even more? He liked Oscar and he liked him a lot. He didn't want to be the cause of anything wrong, especially not when Oscar was restless. "What is it about?"
"It's about you talking to our coworkers and mutual friends and telling them about how you've bagged me." Pause. "It's not really the way I put it. I don't know why I said it like that. Point is, you've been telling people that we're dating and I don't have any intention of ruining your joy but to be blunt, it's not like that."
Krysia looked floored and even though it wasn't too big of a deal, his eyes brimmed with tears. He liked Oscar and he liked him a lot. "What do you mean? Then what is it like?"
The answer came too quickly, too cold. "I don't know what it's like. I would tell you but I don't know. I just don't know." Oscar shook his head and dropped the bleaching product beside him, then picked up his bag to find a pair of scissors. "I like you but the truth is that I'm lonely, and I don't want to mess up our connection because you might only be someone to help fill up the empty space that I have."
Krysia rolled onto his side and curled up, keeping his head bowed into his chest. He was hurt that Oscar had said such things. The truth was never a bad thing but if Krysia never knew about it, there was a chance that he wouldn't have minded the pain so much. Perhaps even with the current painful awareness he wouldn't care. He just wanted to be together, no matter if just for a little while.
"I felt guilty for liking you because I broke up with someone that I lo--" Oscar furrowed his brows and cleared his throat, suddenly feeling as though something was squeezing his chest tightly. "..that I really, really care about, and I plan on seeing him again someday. Then I felt stupid for moping around and not doing anything for myself." Pause. "But right now, I feel bad that I'm making you deal with me when maybe what I feel for you is just something desperate."
Krysia shut his eyes and blurted out, "But I don't really mind."
"Don't say stupid things like that. You'd definitely mind, now that you know this won't be going anywhere. And I don't want to make our living situation awkward, so please, stop spreading around the idea that we're going out and just forget what I did with you. I'm sorry I ever tried anything." Oscar sighed and gave up looking for the scissors.
Krysia bit his lip and stared at the floor, unsure while Oscar picked up a shirt and a pair of pants and moved into the bathroom to change. He thought, Isn't it even more awkward now that you've said such things? You're only thinking about how I feel now; why didn't you do it before we kissed?
Several minutes passed before Oscar emerged from the bathroom, looking ready to go out. The silence had soaked in like poison. While Oscar picked up his keys, Krysia forced himself the courage to ask, "Where are you going?"
Oscar held the bleach in his other hand. "I'm going to get a haircut."
Krysia opened his mouth to say, 'I can cut hair you know', but he held it back. Oscar had put everything honestly and bluntly and shot down anything deemed "stupid". So the message was obvious: he didn't want anything more to do with Krysia, at least not today.
"see you later then."
note: this happened at around midnight in this timezone.
"Oh.. sorry, Oscar." Krysia yawned and fell back onto the bed, rolling over to sprawl out more comfortably. Mimi was still gone. "You're up already... ?"
"Yeah. I couldn't sleep so I just got ready instead." Pause. "But now that I did, I'm pretty tired." He frowned and pause again before muttering. "Shit."
"Haven't you caught a wink of rest at all? Why don't you just lie down and go back to sleep? Come on, you should be taking advantage of when your insomnia's finally relented a little bit." Krysia pointed at the bed over.
"No. I'm not tired enough," Oscar sat down on his bed to check the drawers on the nightstand for his hair bleach. He sighed and arched his back for a moment to crack it before resuming his search. "I'm bothered by something anyway. I forgot to talk about it with you last night but since we're both up now, we might as well."
Krysia swallowed thickly and felt the pace of his heartbeat quicken. Oscar was already irritable due to his lack of sleep; had he done something to frustrate him even more? He liked Oscar and he liked him a lot. He didn't want to be the cause of anything wrong, especially not when Oscar was restless. "What is it about?"
"It's about you talking to our coworkers and mutual friends and telling them about how you've bagged me." Pause. "It's not really the way I put it. I don't know why I said it like that. Point is, you've been telling people that we're dating and I don't have any intention of ruining your joy but to be blunt, it's not like that."
Krysia looked floored and even though it wasn't too big of a deal, his eyes brimmed with tears. He liked Oscar and he liked him a lot. "What do you mean? Then what is it like?"
The answer came too quickly, too cold. "I don't know what it's like. I would tell you but I don't know. I just don't know." Oscar shook his head and dropped the bleaching product beside him, then picked up his bag to find a pair of scissors. "I like you but the truth is that I'm lonely, and I don't want to mess up our connection because you might only be someone to help fill up the empty space that I have."
Krysia rolled onto his side and curled up, keeping his head bowed into his chest. He was hurt that Oscar had said such things. The truth was never a bad thing but if Krysia never knew about it, there was a chance that he wouldn't have minded the pain so much. Perhaps even with the current painful awareness he wouldn't care. He just wanted to be together, no matter if just for a little while.
"I felt guilty for liking you because I broke up with someone that I lo--" Oscar furrowed his brows and cleared his throat, suddenly feeling as though something was squeezing his chest tightly. "..that I really, really care about, and I plan on seeing him again someday. Then I felt stupid for moping around and not doing anything for myself." Pause. "But right now, I feel bad that I'm making you deal with me when maybe what I feel for you is just something desperate."
Krysia shut his eyes and blurted out, "But I don't really mind."
"Don't say stupid things like that. You'd definitely mind, now that you know this won't be going anywhere. And I don't want to make our living situation awkward, so please, stop spreading around the idea that we're going out and just forget what I did with you. I'm sorry I ever tried anything." Oscar sighed and gave up looking for the scissors.
Krysia bit his lip and stared at the floor, unsure while Oscar picked up a shirt and a pair of pants and moved into the bathroom to change. He thought, Isn't it even more awkward now that you've said such things? You're only thinking about how I feel now; why didn't you do it before we kissed?
Several minutes passed before Oscar emerged from the bathroom, looking ready to go out. The silence had soaked in like poison. While Oscar picked up his keys, Krysia forced himself the courage to ask, "Where are you going?"
Oscar held the bleach in his other hand. "I'm going to get a haircut."
Krysia opened his mouth to say, 'I can cut hair you know', but he held it back. Oscar had put everything honestly and bluntly and shot down anything deemed "stupid". So the message was obvious: he didn't want anything more to do with Krysia, at least not today.
"see you later then."
note: this happened at around midnight in this timezone.