Heartbroken
For those of you who didnt see it on MySpace...
I had to have my dog Leiya put to sleep today. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. She was the best dog, ever. So sweet, and calm, and loyal. There definitely will be no replacing her.
She had been coughing for a couple of days, so I called and made an appointment with the vet to have her checked out. She is 15 years old, so she has led a very long life for a big dog. The 8 years that we had her were great ones, she was very spoiled!
Well, the Vet took X-Rays, and did a Heartworm test, then told me to come look at the films. Her heart was just fine, but her poor lungs were covered in tumors of all different sizes. They said the cancer probably started in another area of her body, then the cancer cells traveled through her blood system, and made their home on her lungs.
I knew before I went to the Vet that if something was seriously wrong with her, I would have her put to sleep. I couldnt see her suffer, it wouldnt be fair to her. I had talked to Steve about it, and he agreed too.
So, that was the choice. I got to spend time with her before, and Melissa and Erin went to the Vet with me. Melissa came into the room, and when the Dr came in with the medicine, I got to hold Leiya, and talk to her. I rubbed her face, kissed her, and told her that it would all be ok. I cried, and apologized to her, and told her it would be ok. I cried like a baby from the time I saw the films, until I walked out of the door at the Vets office.
I can not imagine not having Leiya here. She has been with Steve and I ever since we have been together. She is part of us, our 'kid'. She has been through moves with us, and every huge life event we have faced so far. I am going to miss her so much.
She was there to help ease the deployments, and slept in the bed with me. It didnt seem so cold and empty that way.
When I came home tonight, Gunnar just looked at me. I know he misses her. He keeps going to look behind the door where I hung her leash and collar. He knows she isnt coming back.
I know it will get easier, but right now I am just so sad. I decided to have her cremated, so that we can have her ashes, and bring her home.
The hardest part of the day was telling Steve. He is upset, but he is thankful that I didnt leave her, and I was with her until the very end. He is also glad to know she will be 'home' when he gets back. He didnt have a chance to tell her goodbye, and that is his baby girl. I cried all over again when I told him about it all.
My eyes are exhausted, but I am not tired. I should go try to get some sleep... but I just had to put this all out there while its so fresh in my mind.
If you read my blog on MySpace, sorry to keep going on about it....
I had to have my dog Leiya put to sleep today. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. She was the best dog, ever. So sweet, and calm, and loyal. There definitely will be no replacing her.
She had been coughing for a couple of days, so I called and made an appointment with the vet to have her checked out. She is 15 years old, so she has led a very long life for a big dog. The 8 years that we had her were great ones, she was very spoiled!
Well, the Vet took X-Rays, and did a Heartworm test, then told me to come look at the films. Her heart was just fine, but her poor lungs were covered in tumors of all different sizes. They said the cancer probably started in another area of her body, then the cancer cells traveled through her blood system, and made their home on her lungs.
I knew before I went to the Vet that if something was seriously wrong with her, I would have her put to sleep. I couldnt see her suffer, it wouldnt be fair to her. I had talked to Steve about it, and he agreed too.
So, that was the choice. I got to spend time with her before, and Melissa and Erin went to the Vet with me. Melissa came into the room, and when the Dr came in with the medicine, I got to hold Leiya, and talk to her. I rubbed her face, kissed her, and told her that it would all be ok. I cried, and apologized to her, and told her it would be ok. I cried like a baby from the time I saw the films, until I walked out of the door at the Vets office.
I can not imagine not having Leiya here. She has been with Steve and I ever since we have been together. She is part of us, our 'kid'. She has been through moves with us, and every huge life event we have faced so far. I am going to miss her so much.
She was there to help ease the deployments, and slept in the bed with me. It didnt seem so cold and empty that way.
When I came home tonight, Gunnar just looked at me. I know he misses her. He keeps going to look behind the door where I hung her leash and collar. He knows she isnt coming back.
I know it will get easier, but right now I am just so sad. I decided to have her cremated, so that we can have her ashes, and bring her home.
The hardest part of the day was telling Steve. He is upset, but he is thankful that I didnt leave her, and I was with her until the very end. He is also glad to know she will be 'home' when he gets back. He didnt have a chance to tell her goodbye, and that is his baby girl. I cried all over again when I told him about it all.
My eyes are exhausted, but I am not tired. I should go try to get some sleep... but I just had to put this all out there while its so fresh in my mind.
If you read my blog on MySpace, sorry to keep going on about it....