hmm
Sometimes i get frustrated with life. Like when my computer decides its going to be a bitch and shit the bed. Or when Random people decide that want to know all about me and my past. Or when people decide to cancle plans on me 2 times in a row. I feel like screaming my lungs out... or at least until they bleed. I'm so frustrated. Especially since my photo project didn't get done and i had a crit today. Shit like this all happens at once. I've got a paper coming up soon and no keyboard that works. Right now i'm on my wonderful ROOMMATES computer because she's awesome and let me barrow it to you know. Chat with ppl online and stuff. I hate that i have to borrow ppls things but its just what i'm gonna have to do til i get a new computer or get mine fixed. Stupid messy room and stupid laptop that dies because of some little ammount of astringent. GOD. HOW ANNOYING.
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you didn't make the wrong decision? i mean if you just one day decided that you were going to be a "good kid" and just go out and be sober on a friday night. or a thursday night and just not have anything to worry about. I mean think about it when we get drunk we do stupid things. EVERYONE DOES. I certainly do. So what if we were never to drink unless we were of age. Some of our friends wouldn't be dead right now. Others wouldnt be pregnant or have kids and others wouldn't have emotional scars up the wazoo. If we just make the right decisions then it'd be easier on ourselves
So, do i open up? Do i make myself vulnerable? that's the die hard question. Do i RISK it?
Id say no for now...
I'll finish this later...
So,,, its later... meaning its 236 in the morning. I haven't risked anything yet. I haven't put myself out there. I haven't done a thing like that. However... its so hard not to. I can't risk putting myself in that situation... but i want to. I want to just spill my guts. But i wont. I wont say a thing. I wont allow myself to. There's no reason to... out of bounds is out of bounds. Off limits is offlimits. So why do we tend to want something we cant have? Why is it so important for the human kind to just ... want and want and not be satisfied? It irritates me to be so... wanting... and needy and not get what i want or need. Because in turn i dont really NEED it at all. Infact, its just a WANT.
And like the song goes
"you cantalways get what you want... but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need"
people seem to think that what they have or can get isn't good enough. I wish it weren't true but it is. I hate the fact that we're like this as humans i hate that our brains are constantly on. I hate that i cant mae up my mind about things. ESPECIALLY this one thing.
Once my mind opens up... there's no turning back. I cant just do that to anyone. I gotta make sure they are worthy of mind blowing information. I gotta keep my mind to myself or others are going to suffer.It'd be hell.
So why is it that i have to question all this shit. And why is it that my mind just seems to boggle me? who knows. who knows my loves who knows.
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you didn't make the wrong decision? i mean if you just one day decided that you were going to be a "good kid" and just go out and be sober on a friday night. or a thursday night and just not have anything to worry about. I mean think about it when we get drunk we do stupid things. EVERYONE DOES. I certainly do. So what if we were never to drink unless we were of age. Some of our friends wouldn't be dead right now. Others wouldnt be pregnant or have kids and others wouldn't have emotional scars up the wazoo. If we just make the right decisions then it'd be easier on ourselves
So, do i open up? Do i make myself vulnerable? that's the die hard question. Do i RISK it?
Id say no for now...
I'll finish this later...
So,,, its later... meaning its 236 in the morning. I haven't risked anything yet. I haven't put myself out there. I haven't done a thing like that. However... its so hard not to. I can't risk putting myself in that situation... but i want to. I want to just spill my guts. But i wont. I wont say a thing. I wont allow myself to. There's no reason to... out of bounds is out of bounds. Off limits is offlimits. So why do we tend to want something we cant have? Why is it so important for the human kind to just ... want and want and not be satisfied? It irritates me to be so... wanting... and needy and not get what i want or need. Because in turn i dont really NEED it at all. Infact, its just a WANT.
And like the song goes
"you cantalways get what you want... but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need"
people seem to think that what they have or can get isn't good enough. I wish it weren't true but it is. I hate the fact that we're like this as humans i hate that our brains are constantly on. I hate that i cant mae up my mind about things. ESPECIALLY this one thing.
Once my mind opens up... there's no turning back. I cant just do that to anyone. I gotta make sure they are worthy of mind blowing information. I gotta keep my mind to myself or others are going to suffer.It'd be hell.
So why is it that i have to question all this shit. And why is it that my mind just seems to boggle me? who knows. who knows my loves who knows.