I just can't seem to get it right today...
So, I have vacated livejournal since January of last year, but tonight I feel like I just need to write shit down and get it off my chest. Way too much went down today that I really didn't want to deal with, but I truly believe in karma and it's come around to nip me in the butt, in probably the worst possible way. The one person who I actually loved more than anything is hurt today, because of me. I deserved everything that was said, and already knew most of it....I just hope with time comes forgiveness. I don't even care if I find out he forgives me, I just hope someday his heart will forgive me and he can think back on our friendship and think of all the good times we spent. For some reason today I've been thinking about highschool and everything that happened and how happy I was. Reading old livejournal entries make me wish I was happy like that again. I think I will be again someday, I just have to keep fighting and believing, but it's so hard...especially knowing I hurt someone so badly because of a stupid, selfish action done in a bad time in a relationship. I also, despite everything that has happened, miss an old friend. I don't care what everyone says, she's still an amazing, funny person just trying to do the best she can and sometimes peoples feelings have to get hurt in life, it happens. I'm trying so hard to just think positive and start living a more positive life - focus more seriously on school and volunteering and just doing good things for the world and myself. It's time to grow up. Hopefully some day down the road things will work out; everything amazing in life happens randomly, and usually with many coincidences...I even once wrote a whole 4 page paper on all the coincidences that took place to cause Brian and I to meet. People always show up in life at the strangest moments, and if they never come back again than you just wish them the best and realize that better things will happen. "Good things fall apart so better things fall together." And despite all the crap I've delt with the past year, I can make it out strong and happy (i hope) and with karma on my side...because I've tried to be nothing but honest with others and with myself, and I can only hope that the same will come back around. I hope that others can forgive and I truly hope that everything works out for me and anyone else who deserves true happiness in everything they do. Do good things for others and good things will happen! Wow, this entry is so fucking insightful yet repetitive yet exactly what I'm thinking and I feel totally dorky and I don't care.