(no subject)
Title: Recesional
Author: justdetails
Rating: T
Pairings: Blaine+Quinn friendship, mention of Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: 3x14 "On My Way"
Warnings (if any): vague mention of self harm, and suicide; depression, PTSD
Word Count: 1, 085
Summary: 'They leave the library leaning against each other, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallways with the promise of a chain that will not break, and a weight that has lifted and crumbled.'
Author's Note: I love Quinn and Blaine friendships so, sooooo much. And honestly, I felt like they both really just needed a friend in this ep., so thus, this fic!
She finds him in the library; he’s sitting on the floor in the Science Fiction section, his eyes closed, and head leaning back against the books.
He doesn’t acknowledge her presence, even though he knows she’s there - her soft footfall and signature scent of vanilla and tea gives her away - but she doesn’t mind.
Quinn first considers going to find Kurt, because while she and Blaine are slowly gravitating towards best friends, she’s not sure if she’s the right person for him right now.
But when she sees him absent mindedly rub a thumb over his wrist, something jumps inside her and she finds herself sitting next to him.
She stares ahead for a moment before tentatively holding his hand and stopping his movement.
He breathes in sharply at the touch, expecting her to prompt him to talk, but when she doesn’t he relaxes after a beat. She laces their fingers together then, and rests her head against his; as much as she knows he needs this, needs some form of comfort because of whatever is bothering him, she needs this too, and so she takes a moment to close her eyes and breathe.
Time passes, the bell rings twice, but neither speaks, nor moves.
Finally, when she thinks she is really going to have to go get Kurt, much to her displeasure, he says, “please don’t tell Kurt about this, Quinn”, in a thick voice.
She frowns, lifts her head to search his eyes; she’s only seen him cry once, by pure accident, but she thinks she might be getting her second viewing here amongst the books she and Blaine both love.
“I don’t - Blaine, I wouldn’t even know what to say even if -“
“Q., please - just, Kurt he - he’s going through a lot right now and -“
“And you’re not?”
He sighs deeply, avoids her gaze as he talks.
“That’s not - its fine, don’t worry about it.”
Quinn bites her lip, breathes deep and it takes all of her willpower not to yell at Blaine and throttle him.
“Don’t. Don’t do that, Blaine. You and I both know that keeping everything inside and pretending everything is fine never works. I’m here, right now, and I’m not leaving until you talk to me. I won’t tell Kurt, okay?”
He shakes his head, sighs as she squeezes his hand.
They stay silent for a moment until Blaine leans his head on Quinn’s shoulder and speaks.
“When I finally woke up and got released from the hospital after - I… I was different. I mean I was in pretty bad shape, but not just physically. There was…the nightmares and panic attacks.”
He stops, takes a shaky breath in and Quinn tightens her grip on his hand.
“Kids from school they - they called my house, wrote things on the internet. Everything was just - it was like, I almost died, and they still couldn’t leave me alone?”
“One day, I heard my dad talking on the phone…he was trying to find scholarships for me for Dalton. Money was…it was an issue - he had hospital bills to pay and…”
“Anyway, I sat in my room for awhile. Then I heard a crash and - someone threw a brick through our window. There was a note on it. My dad took it and ripped it up before I could read it, but, I just - I knew what it said. Everything just - it was all too much at once and…”
Quinn shuts her eyes tight, speaks in a quiet, hushed voice.
“You did what Dave did.”
He exhales in an even quieter voice, “yes”.
“I’ve regretted it every day since. When I woke up, I just - my family, they looked devastated and I felt so goddamn selfish. I had just gotten out of the hospital, and then I was right back in again, only this time, I was there because I had beaten myself instead of three football players doing it.”
Quinn blinks at her tears, sniffles and wraps her arms around Blaine.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m better now, just like you. It’s just - this whole thing with Dave has just - it’s a lot.”
“No, not just that. I don’t know if Kurt told you, but…we had an argument earlier. About our views on…and I just -“
“Please don’t apologize for having an opinion Q. - don’t ever apologize for that, okay? I don’t know what Kurt said, but you have as much a right as he does to have and voice your opinion. Sometimes Kurt - he doesn’t get that there are other people who hurt just as much as he does.”
“Thank you for that. Can - can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can.”
“When…when you - what was going through your head?”
“I wanted the pain to stop. Which is sort of ironic considering the way I did it. But it wasn’t just that. I didn’t want to be a burden; my dad had all these bills, my sister was getting bullied because of me and my brother had to miss an audition just because I needed to talk to him and I just thought - if I’m not here anymore, life would just be easier for them.”
“I didn’t understand why he would - why anyone would…but I think I can try. Feeling like that, I don’t think I ever have. I mean, after Beth I felt so hollow and numb, but never enough to take my life.”
He hugs her waist, and soon her head is lying on his chest; she can feel his heart beat, feel the rise and falls of his lungs as he breathes.
“I didn’t think I’d ever take my own life, or try, before that. Sometimes it just gets too much though, and at that point in my life I wasn’t as strong as I am now.”
She lifts her head to looks at him, smiles at him softly.
“You are strong, you know? One of the strongest people I know.”
He smiles back at her, one of her favorite smiles, the one that reaches his eyes.
“Thanks, Q. You’re strong too, okay? Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t, but only if you don’t forget either.”
They both laugh as they link pinkies, something no one but Mike will ever know that they do, ever, and say “pinkie promise” in soft voices.
They leave the library leaning against each other, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallways with the promise of a chain that will not break, and a weight that has lifted and crumbled.
Author: justdetails
Rating: T
Pairings: Blaine+Quinn friendship, mention of Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: 3x14 "On My Way"
Warnings (if any): vague mention of self harm, and suicide; depression, PTSD
Word Count: 1, 085
Summary: 'They leave the library leaning against each other, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallways with the promise of a chain that will not break, and a weight that has lifted and crumbled.'
Author's Note: I love Quinn and Blaine friendships so, sooooo much. And honestly, I felt like they both really just needed a friend in this ep., so thus, this fic!
She finds him in the library; he’s sitting on the floor in the Science Fiction section, his eyes closed, and head leaning back against the books.
He doesn’t acknowledge her presence, even though he knows she’s there - her soft footfall and signature scent of vanilla and tea gives her away - but she doesn’t mind.
Quinn first considers going to find Kurt, because while she and Blaine are slowly gravitating towards best friends, she’s not sure if she’s the right person for him right now.
But when she sees him absent mindedly rub a thumb over his wrist, something jumps inside her and she finds herself sitting next to him.
She stares ahead for a moment before tentatively holding his hand and stopping his movement.
He breathes in sharply at the touch, expecting her to prompt him to talk, but when she doesn’t he relaxes after a beat. She laces their fingers together then, and rests her head against his; as much as she knows he needs this, needs some form of comfort because of whatever is bothering him, she needs this too, and so she takes a moment to close her eyes and breathe.
Time passes, the bell rings twice, but neither speaks, nor moves.
Finally, when she thinks she is really going to have to go get Kurt, much to her displeasure, he says, “please don’t tell Kurt about this, Quinn”, in a thick voice.
She frowns, lifts her head to search his eyes; she’s only seen him cry once, by pure accident, but she thinks she might be getting her second viewing here amongst the books she and Blaine both love.
“I don’t - Blaine, I wouldn’t even know what to say even if -“
“Q., please - just, Kurt he - he’s going through a lot right now and -“
“And you’re not?”
He sighs deeply, avoids her gaze as he talks.
“That’s not - its fine, don’t worry about it.”
Quinn bites her lip, breathes deep and it takes all of her willpower not to yell at Blaine and throttle him.
“Don’t. Don’t do that, Blaine. You and I both know that keeping everything inside and pretending everything is fine never works. I’m here, right now, and I’m not leaving until you talk to me. I won’t tell Kurt, okay?”
He shakes his head, sighs as she squeezes his hand.
They stay silent for a moment until Blaine leans his head on Quinn’s shoulder and speaks.
“When I finally woke up and got released from the hospital after - I… I was different. I mean I was in pretty bad shape, but not just physically. There was…the nightmares and panic attacks.”
He stops, takes a shaky breath in and Quinn tightens her grip on his hand.
“Kids from school they - they called my house, wrote things on the internet. Everything was just - it was like, I almost died, and they still couldn’t leave me alone?”
“One day, I heard my dad talking on the phone…he was trying to find scholarships for me for Dalton. Money was…it was an issue - he had hospital bills to pay and…”
“Anyway, I sat in my room for awhile. Then I heard a crash and - someone threw a brick through our window. There was a note on it. My dad took it and ripped it up before I could read it, but, I just - I knew what it said. Everything just - it was all too much at once and…”
Quinn shuts her eyes tight, speaks in a quiet, hushed voice.
“You did what Dave did.”
He exhales in an even quieter voice, “yes”.
“I’ve regretted it every day since. When I woke up, I just - my family, they looked devastated and I felt so goddamn selfish. I had just gotten out of the hospital, and then I was right back in again, only this time, I was there because I had beaten myself instead of three football players doing it.”
Quinn blinks at her tears, sniffles and wraps her arms around Blaine.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m better now, just like you. It’s just - this whole thing with Dave has just - it’s a lot.”
“No, not just that. I don’t know if Kurt told you, but…we had an argument earlier. About our views on…and I just -“
“Please don’t apologize for having an opinion Q. - don’t ever apologize for that, okay? I don’t know what Kurt said, but you have as much a right as he does to have and voice your opinion. Sometimes Kurt - he doesn’t get that there are other people who hurt just as much as he does.”
“Thank you for that. Can - can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can.”
“When…when you - what was going through your head?”
“I wanted the pain to stop. Which is sort of ironic considering the way I did it. But it wasn’t just that. I didn’t want to be a burden; my dad had all these bills, my sister was getting bullied because of me and my brother had to miss an audition just because I needed to talk to him and I just thought - if I’m not here anymore, life would just be easier for them.”
“I didn’t understand why he would - why anyone would…but I think I can try. Feeling like that, I don’t think I ever have. I mean, after Beth I felt so hollow and numb, but never enough to take my life.”
He hugs her waist, and soon her head is lying on his chest; she can feel his heart beat, feel the rise and falls of his lungs as he breathes.
“I didn’t think I’d ever take my own life, or try, before that. Sometimes it just gets too much though, and at that point in my life I wasn’t as strong as I am now.”
She lifts her head to looks at him, smiles at him softly.
“You are strong, you know? One of the strongest people I know.”
He smiles back at her, one of her favorite smiles, the one that reaches his eyes.
“Thanks, Q. You’re strong too, okay? Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t, but only if you don’t forget either.”
They both laugh as they link pinkies, something no one but Mike will ever know that they do, ever, and say “pinkie promise” in soft voices.
They leave the library leaning against each other, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallways with the promise of a chain that will not break, and a weight that has lifted and crumbled.