This is not helping me at all, what you are doing here...
I have this fear, this one dream that never fails to send me into chills and paranoid glances for entire day. It's the one where I'm checking my exam schedule for the end of the semester, and there's a class on there that I've never attended. I get frantic, show up to the class and I'm so far behind, I'm trying to lie to the professor saying that I HAVE been attending class all along and I should pass (because, of course, this is a requirement for graduation), and try to think of some plan that involves me passing this final exam. I always hate that first feeling of dread, when you get all cold and everything seems to drop, and you know you're fucked, but you still have the small slice of hope to which you cling.
I hate that dream.
I always wake up in this state, wondering if I'm still dreaming. I wander around my apartment, touch things, trip over shoes, all wondering if I'm still asleep. I keep trying to find something that ties me here, that links me to these people or this place, that says, "yep, this is me, and I'm awake." I don't really have anything, though. I keep wondering if I'm going to wake up soon, in bed at my mother's house, and think, "Well, that's another thing I shouldn't eat before bed - the fuck was up with THAT dream?"
But, at the same time, I wonder if I'd even notice. Right now, I don't really know anything. I like that, though. Why bother trying to keep up? I feel like I'm still asleep now. I don't know anyone, I don't know anything. It's a comforting ignorance.
Maybe it's the frostbite from the way home. Maybe it's the fact that I had to workshop a review today (which was a ring of hell, if anyone is taking notes). Maybe it's eerie resemblance to TBWIL that my professor bears. Who knows?
Maybe I just ate something really weird before going to sleep again...
I hate that dream.
I always wake up in this state, wondering if I'm still dreaming. I wander around my apartment, touch things, trip over shoes, all wondering if I'm still asleep. I keep trying to find something that ties me here, that links me to these people or this place, that says, "yep, this is me, and I'm awake." I don't really have anything, though. I keep wondering if I'm going to wake up soon, in bed at my mother's house, and think, "Well, that's another thing I shouldn't eat before bed - the fuck was up with THAT dream?"
But, at the same time, I wonder if I'd even notice. Right now, I don't really know anything. I like that, though. Why bother trying to keep up? I feel like I'm still asleep now. I don't know anyone, I don't know anything. It's a comforting ignorance.
Maybe it's the frostbite from the way home. Maybe it's the fact that I had to workshop a review today (which was a ring of hell, if anyone is taking notes). Maybe it's eerie resemblance to TBWIL that my professor bears. Who knows?
Maybe I just ate something really weird before going to sleep again...