WORK
I have been thinking about how I should have answered a question that was posed to me yesterday and there were so many other things I could of said instead of my answer that was meet with reticule. I was asked what happened to me if I use to be such a kick ass AE in my last command. My answer was situations needed to be taken care of but then things happened to make it undesirable to learn there. The person that makes it most undesirable to work there was the one who reticule me about it.
When I got to that command I will admit I didn’t want to be there. Didn’t want to work on those jets and didn’t want to be so far from home. But when I got there things just seem to get worse. They didn’t like the fact that I was a single parent with teenagers that needed attention and medical help. They started hating me from the get go because I had so many appointments for the kids. Then I realized how cruel the people in the shop were. They were quick to judge people and make fun of them. It was one thing to joke with the person to their face and have some fun but some of the mean things they say about people behind there back was just plain wrong. I just knew they were doing the same about me because I didn’t fit into their idea of a perfect person.
It is amazing I got there being one of the senior second classes taking orders from a junior second just because I didn’t know the platform. This same said second is the reason of my dislike. He was rated number one out to the E-5s because he is the golden boy in my supervisor’s mind. Yes he has qualifications but that doesn’t make him a great second class. He doesn’t have his wing nor has he the time in service to be as good as he thinks he is. He is the main one in the shop that likes to reticule and degrades people. And the shop supervisor does nothing about this, he lets him do anything he wants.
For example: I had a very bad week with a lot of issues that needed to be taken care of or the consequences would have been great. I took 4 hours off one day asked for an hour off the next and got a lot of flack for it. He asks to leave early to go buy a motorcycle and it is okay. Then he is given more time off 3 days later to get it registered. My situation involved losing my house and his was damn motorcycle and I got the lecture and told I spend too much time away from the shop. They call this favoritism and I brought it to the attention of my chief because it is wrong. I should never have been given crap for something that was as important as what I was going thru.
Anyway, I got into it with this guy about my taking time off. He told me my situation is no worse than anyone else’s and it isn’t all that hard to raise teenagers. Has he met mine? Does he know that kind of things my children are going thru? Does he know what I have been going thru to raise these children? NO!!! He had the nerve to tell me that his situation is no different he is a single parent going thru a divorce raising a 4 year old. HELLO, some one clue him in that our situations are completely different and that raising a 4 year old, one child, compared to emotionally scared teenagers is completely different.
I have never gone into what I deal with, with my children to a lot of people. People might think I might make it seem more than what it is but the feelings I have inside about what I live with everyday, is nothing compared to what I tell them.
They don’t know what it is like to have to take your children to see a shrink and find out what is wrong with them because you just don’t know. They don’t know what it is like to worry that what you are going to hear is so bad you just are at wits end. They have no idea what it is like to have to lock up your own daughter because she tried to slice her wrist while in school. Or the time it took 3 grown adults to stop her from hurting herself and someone else because she was mad and off her medicine. They don’t know what it is like to live day in and day out wondering if her daughter will make it home from school or if she decided to take a detour that ended in disaster. Worrying that she didn’t get on the bus and choose to go somewhere and get wasted and raped. Or for that matter being too trusting with someone and ends up dead. So I will take the time off, go to the shrink and see if they can help my little girl because I just don’t know what to do.
They also don’t know about a self destructive young man who wants attention from his mother because all hers is spent on his sister that he acts out too. He is by-polar and he is moody. He skips school but not to get high just because. He does poorly and is on the verge of failing another grade. He can be violent, but not towards me. He likes to destroy things, burn things and hurt himself when his life feels like it is too hard to handle. He is so much like his mother that they butt heads about everything. He is not a bad young man just a lost one and I don’t know how to find him at times.
Then on top of all of this there is the mother herself. One that has fallen in to despair and doesn’t know what to do at times. Who was so depressed between work and children that she just didn’t care. She didn’t care that she had the money to do what needed to be done she just didn’t do it. She let everything go and now she is in a hole that seems so deep she doesn’t know if she can get out. She fell and there was only one person, outside her parents, who cared enough to pull her out. Who stood by her, held her as she cried and listened to her ramble as the tears fell! He is there for her everyday and that is her only shining light. But even he couldn’t know what she was going thru because she hid it from him too. Until it was too late…….. Not too late! Things worked themselves out and she will get the money situation under control. Get a new job and get her life back. But she will still live with the fear that something will happen to her children. She still lives with the fear every day that she isn’t doing enough for them. That there was something different she could do, where she went wrong with them. How do you fix it?
So you see there is a lot more to my life than they know at work. All they see is someone who needs time off a lot someone who doesn’t want to work on the aircraft, someone unworthy of their help. They judged her with out knowing her, without giving her a chance. This is what I deal with. This is what I should have blurted out to them. But it is none of their business!!!
Life can only get better since I have hit the bottom………..
When I got to that command I will admit I didn’t want to be there. Didn’t want to work on those jets and didn’t want to be so far from home. But when I got there things just seem to get worse. They didn’t like the fact that I was a single parent with teenagers that needed attention and medical help. They started hating me from the get go because I had so many appointments for the kids. Then I realized how cruel the people in the shop were. They were quick to judge people and make fun of them. It was one thing to joke with the person to their face and have some fun but some of the mean things they say about people behind there back was just plain wrong. I just knew they were doing the same about me because I didn’t fit into their idea of a perfect person.
It is amazing I got there being one of the senior second classes taking orders from a junior second just because I didn’t know the platform. This same said second is the reason of my dislike. He was rated number one out to the E-5s because he is the golden boy in my supervisor’s mind. Yes he has qualifications but that doesn’t make him a great second class. He doesn’t have his wing nor has he the time in service to be as good as he thinks he is. He is the main one in the shop that likes to reticule and degrades people. And the shop supervisor does nothing about this, he lets him do anything he wants.
For example: I had a very bad week with a lot of issues that needed to be taken care of or the consequences would have been great. I took 4 hours off one day asked for an hour off the next and got a lot of flack for it. He asks to leave early to go buy a motorcycle and it is okay. Then he is given more time off 3 days later to get it registered. My situation involved losing my house and his was damn motorcycle and I got the lecture and told I spend too much time away from the shop. They call this favoritism and I brought it to the attention of my chief because it is wrong. I should never have been given crap for something that was as important as what I was going thru.
Anyway, I got into it with this guy about my taking time off. He told me my situation is no worse than anyone else’s and it isn’t all that hard to raise teenagers. Has he met mine? Does he know that kind of things my children are going thru? Does he know what I have been going thru to raise these children? NO!!! He had the nerve to tell me that his situation is no different he is a single parent going thru a divorce raising a 4 year old. HELLO, some one clue him in that our situations are completely different and that raising a 4 year old, one child, compared to emotionally scared teenagers is completely different.
I have never gone into what I deal with, with my children to a lot of people. People might think I might make it seem more than what it is but the feelings I have inside about what I live with everyday, is nothing compared to what I tell them.
They don’t know what it is like to have to take your children to see a shrink and find out what is wrong with them because you just don’t know. They don’t know what it is like to worry that what you are going to hear is so bad you just are at wits end. They have no idea what it is like to have to lock up your own daughter because she tried to slice her wrist while in school. Or the time it took 3 grown adults to stop her from hurting herself and someone else because she was mad and off her medicine. They don’t know what it is like to live day in and day out wondering if her daughter will make it home from school or if she decided to take a detour that ended in disaster. Worrying that she didn’t get on the bus and choose to go somewhere and get wasted and raped. Or for that matter being too trusting with someone and ends up dead. So I will take the time off, go to the shrink and see if they can help my little girl because I just don’t know what to do.
They also don’t know about a self destructive young man who wants attention from his mother because all hers is spent on his sister that he acts out too. He is by-polar and he is moody. He skips school but not to get high just because. He does poorly and is on the verge of failing another grade. He can be violent, but not towards me. He likes to destroy things, burn things and hurt himself when his life feels like it is too hard to handle. He is so much like his mother that they butt heads about everything. He is not a bad young man just a lost one and I don’t know how to find him at times.
Then on top of all of this there is the mother herself. One that has fallen in to despair and doesn’t know what to do at times. Who was so depressed between work and children that she just didn’t care. She didn’t care that she had the money to do what needed to be done she just didn’t do it. She let everything go and now she is in a hole that seems so deep she doesn’t know if she can get out. She fell and there was only one person, outside her parents, who cared enough to pull her out. Who stood by her, held her as she cried and listened to her ramble as the tears fell! He is there for her everyday and that is her only shining light. But even he couldn’t know what she was going thru because she hid it from him too. Until it was too late…….. Not too late! Things worked themselves out and she will get the money situation under control. Get a new job and get her life back. But she will still live with the fear that something will happen to her children. She still lives with the fear every day that she isn’t doing enough for them. That there was something different she could do, where she went wrong with them. How do you fix it?
So you see there is a lot more to my life than they know at work. All they see is someone who needs time off a lot someone who doesn’t want to work on the aircraft, someone unworthy of their help. They judged her with out knowing her, without giving her a chance. This is what I deal with. This is what I should have blurted out to them. But it is none of their business!!!
Life can only get better since I have hit the bottom………..