7
7 hours from right now, 7 months ago.
I lost one of my longest friends, someone you always think that you have plenty of time to hang out with, laugh with, flirt with, makeout with, and beat up. 7 months ago I thought life was over because he ignored my phonecalls and texts. only to find out 7 hours later it was not the case. and once again think that life is done, but for other reasons other then, "he stood me up."
but then life continues, and you find new things. it may take you months, years, decades, but life is not that cruel to keep you down for the rest of your life. life seems to bring you down hard when it does, but it only makes you appreciate the good times when you get your time to shine.
Sometimes others dont think you are ready to take the video off of pause. And sometimes during the play mode, you feel like, maybe they are right. But there is no way to get happy if you sit in a corner and hide, never lettng anyone new get a chance to fill that hole that has been placed inside of you. you can kick, scream, cover your ears, and not listen to a word anyone else says, but that also does not help anything.
Losing someone that you truly cared about and loved with all your heart is not easy. It hurts so bad, worse then any breakup ever really could, because its final, no time for apologees, no hugs and pats on the back and winks. You can go to their grave and try to let it out, but that still is not the same as a laugh and a hug.
Finding someone after losing is hard not only on yourself, but for the person who happens to fall in love with you as well. being that next guy I am sure is not an easy task. You have so much you want to compare them to, so many expectations for them. you want them to get their face changed and have them grow a few more inches. change their story of you and them. you want to ultimately transform them into that persosn you lost. and you know that it does not work that way, but still even if its unconciously, you keep doing it to them. You push and fight with them. you dont know how to let go. you want to. but you cant. little things rip your heart apart. you could love that person to pieces, but on those bad days when you think about your lost love, you cant even tell them anything. you just want to yell at them and put everything on them. you want them to not touch you, not care about you, leave you once again to your cave to hide. and after all the tears and the yelling, they are still there for you trying to comfort you. I cant begin to tell you how wonderful it is that i found someone who understands a lot of what i am going through and will stand by as i have my fits and tears and mental break downs. i found one of the most perfect men out there... barf i know, but i dont know how or why i got to find him. i doubt it sometimes believing he will also leave when i think we have more time and plenty of it. i know life is life, random and no one can tell you whats ahead. I really dont even know where i am going with all of this. i have so much circulating in my head. stress, and i am nervous and scared for the future. afraid to make a step and fall. but the only way to progress with life, is to move forward and step on to the path thats being lit for me to walk.
I lost one of my longest friends, someone you always think that you have plenty of time to hang out with, laugh with, flirt with, makeout with, and beat up. 7 months ago I thought life was over because he ignored my phonecalls and texts. only to find out 7 hours later it was not the case. and once again think that life is done, but for other reasons other then, "he stood me up."
but then life continues, and you find new things. it may take you months, years, decades, but life is not that cruel to keep you down for the rest of your life. life seems to bring you down hard when it does, but it only makes you appreciate the good times when you get your time to shine.
Sometimes others dont think you are ready to take the video off of pause. And sometimes during the play mode, you feel like, maybe they are right. But there is no way to get happy if you sit in a corner and hide, never lettng anyone new get a chance to fill that hole that has been placed inside of you. you can kick, scream, cover your ears, and not listen to a word anyone else says, but that also does not help anything.
Losing someone that you truly cared about and loved with all your heart is not easy. It hurts so bad, worse then any breakup ever really could, because its final, no time for apologees, no hugs and pats on the back and winks. You can go to their grave and try to let it out, but that still is not the same as a laugh and a hug.
Finding someone after losing is hard not only on yourself, but for the person who happens to fall in love with you as well. being that next guy I am sure is not an easy task. You have so much you want to compare them to, so many expectations for them. you want them to get their face changed and have them grow a few more inches. change their story of you and them. you want to ultimately transform them into that persosn you lost. and you know that it does not work that way, but still even if its unconciously, you keep doing it to them. You push and fight with them. you dont know how to let go. you want to. but you cant. little things rip your heart apart. you could love that person to pieces, but on those bad days when you think about your lost love, you cant even tell them anything. you just want to yell at them and put everything on them. you want them to not touch you, not care about you, leave you once again to your cave to hide. and after all the tears and the yelling, they are still there for you trying to comfort you. I cant begin to tell you how wonderful it is that i found someone who understands a lot of what i am going through and will stand by as i have my fits and tears and mental break downs. i found one of the most perfect men out there... barf i know, but i dont know how or why i got to find him. i doubt it sometimes believing he will also leave when i think we have more time and plenty of it. i know life is life, random and no one can tell you whats ahead. I really dont even know where i am going with all of this. i have so much circulating in my head. stress, and i am nervous and scared for the future. afraid to make a step and fall. but the only way to progress with life, is to move forward and step on to the path thats being lit for me to walk.