I Hate You, My Love
I want to tell you everything and then kick you when I'm done.
I thought I was over you. I convinced myself I was.
But it turns out I'm not.
I've still got residuals.
I want to yell and scream at how it was unfair for me to have gone through this emotional roller coaster as you sat back and just enjoyed the ride.
I want so much for you to fall into a hole, deep enough so that no one will ever hear from you again.
I want so much to forgive you and forget you ever played a significant part in my life.
A significant part because I put you there!!!
Oh, what was I thinking?!!
I have a list of wants, and they are all at odds with each other.
I want to hate you, want you to love me, want it all and nothing at the same time.
I don't know which end is up with you, especially when I'm the one down.
I pray for you constantly, more than I pray for myself! Who are you to cloud my thoughts with your face, your voice, your body?
You are my bane, my crutch, my love.
How can you be my love? You give me nothing. All you do is take!
I do not do half truths, I don't hold myself back,
but there is one thing I did not tell you.
I loved you.
As I lick my wounds, you pay sweet homage to someone else's ears.
Does she know that your body was pressed up against mine while you chatted with her?
Does she know that you once used to call me what you now call her? That you've called others the same scores before us?
Oh, I hate you.
What am I supposed to do with my feelings for you?
I hate you for not loving me the way I love you.
I hate myself for loving you when it is not what is right to do.
Be good to her, as you've never been good to me.
Last night I dreamed I saw you with her, and in my dream I smiled, because I thought it was nice to see you happy.
I woke up feeling okay, that you were not the one for me.
But as reality set in, I began to feel doubt, in myself, that I wasn't enough,
and perhaps will never be enough,
for anyone.
And that, my love, that blame I place on you. Because I gave my all, I gave my good, which is still too good for you, because I was enticed by the scraps you let fall from your not so clean table. I was entertained by half truths and sweet nothings.
You can't sit back and tell me that it is in all in my head.
You can't lay back in the bed you've made, because I was there too!
And I have to now face the reality you've left me.
A reality of doubt, of longing for an all consuming, reciprocated love.
But don't worry, my love. I will not pine for you. You never deserved my love to begin with.
I will love again, and continue to do so with abandon, with all that I have, because I cannot change who I am.
But I am mourning what little there was, because at times, it was radiant. I am mourning what could be, my love, because I would have made you shine brighter than the sun.
That's what my love does, and that's what you will never have.
So be good to her, as you've never been good to me.
I thought I was over you. I convinced myself I was.
But it turns out I'm not.
I've still got residuals.
I want to yell and scream at how it was unfair for me to have gone through this emotional roller coaster as you sat back and just enjoyed the ride.
I want so much for you to fall into a hole, deep enough so that no one will ever hear from you again.
I want so much to forgive you and forget you ever played a significant part in my life.
A significant part because I put you there!!!
Oh, what was I thinking?!!
I have a list of wants, and they are all at odds with each other.
I want to hate you, want you to love me, want it all and nothing at the same time.
I don't know which end is up with you, especially when I'm the one down.
I pray for you constantly, more than I pray for myself! Who are you to cloud my thoughts with your face, your voice, your body?
You are my bane, my crutch, my love.
How can you be my love? You give me nothing. All you do is take!
I do not do half truths, I don't hold myself back,
but there is one thing I did not tell you.
I loved you.
As I lick my wounds, you pay sweet homage to someone else's ears.
Does she know that your body was pressed up against mine while you chatted with her?
Does she know that you once used to call me what you now call her? That you've called others the same scores before us?
Oh, I hate you.
What am I supposed to do with my feelings for you?
I hate you for not loving me the way I love you.
I hate myself for loving you when it is not what is right to do.
Be good to her, as you've never been good to me.
Last night I dreamed I saw you with her, and in my dream I smiled, because I thought it was nice to see you happy.
I woke up feeling okay, that you were not the one for me.
But as reality set in, I began to feel doubt, in myself, that I wasn't enough,
and perhaps will never be enough,
for anyone.
And that, my love, that blame I place on you. Because I gave my all, I gave my good, which is still too good for you, because I was enticed by the scraps you let fall from your not so clean table. I was entertained by half truths and sweet nothings.
You can't sit back and tell me that it is in all in my head.
You can't lay back in the bed you've made, because I was there too!
And I have to now face the reality you've left me.
A reality of doubt, of longing for an all consuming, reciprocated love.
But don't worry, my love. I will not pine for you. You never deserved my love to begin with.
I will love again, and continue to do so with abandon, with all that I have, because I cannot change who I am.
But I am mourning what little there was, because at times, it was radiant. I am mourning what could be, my love, because I would have made you shine brighter than the sun.
That's what my love does, and that's what you will never have.
So be good to her, as you've never been good to me.