"Stranded Here On Planet Earth.."
I can't write for entertainment, or for anyone other than myself anymore. So i'm not even going to bother, or count on anyones opinions, let lone my own. I feel so distant anymore to attempt to care.
I'm married now, the story behind that is a novel of its own...I'm happy about it, but that's not what my post here is about, and frankly, I myself, vaguely know what this is about.
To be down right cheesy, I'm a reflection of the victims in the movie Pulse. Feel too much, but of nothing. Like a zombie. I'm finding it hard to smile, and mean it. To laugh, and be sincere. To wake up in the morning, and find, no, be given a reason to be chipper. Which isn't me. If anyones' known me in any instance at all, they'd say what i am right now is the definition of contrary to me. That I used to be Ms/Mrs.Optimistic, kick me in the nuts, and i'll still smile, maybe even so much as happy-go-lucky. I know this isn't me, it pisses me off. I have every reason in the word to be happy, chipper, outgoing, and just my old self. I'm alive, my gran is alive still, i'm married, i have parents that are still married, are happy, and love me, i have everything a person really needs aside from that of a job, or a proper "education." So it's not material, and i'm almost 100% certain it's not emotional...though i can't rule anything completely out...maybe it's spiritual? I don't know. But i do know that what ever it may be, it needs to be fixed. It's been wearing on me now for almost a year now...It's a rut that's freaking killing my ass, and is sending me more so closer to the straight jacket.='[
Cabin fever? Lol, possibly, but it never really ever got to me that much, Portland, or no Portland (Referring to when first arrived here in Hell Paso.) I seriously can't reflect how i'm feeling about this to you the reader(s.) Course if i could i don't think i'd really want to, wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Did i mention it's driving me insane?
I'm married now, the story behind that is a novel of its own...I'm happy about it, but that's not what my post here is about, and frankly, I myself, vaguely know what this is about.
To be down right cheesy, I'm a reflection of the victims in the movie Pulse. Feel too much, but of nothing. Like a zombie. I'm finding it hard to smile, and mean it. To laugh, and be sincere. To wake up in the morning, and find, no, be given a reason to be chipper. Which isn't me. If anyones' known me in any instance at all, they'd say what i am right now is the definition of contrary to me. That I used to be Ms/Mrs.Optimistic, kick me in the nuts, and i'll still smile, maybe even so much as happy-go-lucky. I know this isn't me, it pisses me off. I have every reason in the word to be happy, chipper, outgoing, and just my old self. I'm alive, my gran is alive still, i'm married, i have parents that are still married, are happy, and love me, i have everything a person really needs aside from that of a job, or a proper "education." So it's not material, and i'm almost 100% certain it's not emotional...though i can't rule anything completely out...maybe it's spiritual? I don't know. But i do know that what ever it may be, it needs to be fixed. It's been wearing on me now for almost a year now...It's a rut that's freaking killing my ass, and is sending me more so closer to the straight jacket.='[
Cabin fever? Lol, possibly, but it never really ever got to me that much, Portland, or no Portland (Referring to when first arrived here in Hell Paso.) I seriously can't reflect how i'm feeling about this to you the reader(s.) Course if i could i don't think i'd really want to, wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Did i mention it's driving me insane?