Sex: M is for misfit

[justben]

Gender’s been on my mind a bit for the last year or so. It’s always been a bit of an awkward topic for me, but lately I’ve been spending some think-time trying to analyze why. I think the narrative of how it’s surfaced is interesting in its own right, but I’ve tried to write that once or twice now, and it always seems to get bogged down and

Comments

[justben]

The distinction of sex from gender was introduced in the 50s and popularized in the field of feminist theory around the 70s. The difference is commonly simplified as: “Sex is what’s between your legs; gender is what’s between your ears.” Less reductionistically, sex is about biology and body and body image, while gender is about roles that people fill in society, linked perhaps partially to sex-linked biology but also so social expectations and to personal identity formation within these roles. The distinction between sex (male/female/etc) and gender (masculine/feminine/etc) provides a handy vocabulary for people to talk about, for instance, sex/body dysphoria irrespective of gender roles, or individuals’ gender presentation and identity irrespective of their sex. While the two are generally closely linked for most of the population, their variations and differences can be interesting in the minority for whom they’re not.

This post was entirely about sex. I have a big post (or maybe several) brewing about gender, but I figured I’d start with sex since my thoughts on it are a bit simpler, and since my thoughts on gender lean somewhat on my thoughts on sex.

For me, models aren’t so much emotional comfort and belonging. I’ve tried deriving emotional comfort from intellectual understanding before, but I find in the long run it tends to fall flat for me. For me, models are more about intellectual understanding, analysis, and verbal communication of those ideas, all opening doors for social growth.

The picture you draw of your coworkers’ discomfort in their interactions with your female superior speaks to me of our mainstream culture’s saddening inflexibility with regard to gender preconceptions. I also see it as closely related to our mainstream culture’s problems with queer people (though orientation, too, is often separate from sex and gender), and honestly it really bothers me. That’s a big part of why I want to make this series of posts. But I’ll get to gender and orientation next, as soon as I can. :-)

[akiko_kalla]

Okay. Then from your question at the end of your original post...as far as I know the answer is yes. :P

As to the rest...I would say the sex is the least important to an identity of any of the traits. Not that it isn't important at all, just for me personally I don't really put it up there with other aspects of my identity. As long as it works I suppose that's good, as if that matters, but other than that I don't really care.

I don't really like models because I am always the exception. Always. It pisses me off. Most people do not use them to open communication as much as they do to stop it I've found. They want to put you in a nice tidy box that the model points to and refuse to see what is in front of them if it doesn't.

Inflexibility in our culture is just downright hurtful. It's leading to fear, pain, and hate. It makes me very sad. I've heard rumors about myself and others and I always tell the kids that if they want to know they should just ask, because it isn't that big a deal to me since it isn't what makes me who I am. I try to emphasize with them that who you are isn't defined by your sex, gender identity, or orientation, and has no bearing on what type of person you are or what you will do with your life. Middle school can be a very cruel place...especially when the majority of teachers don't stop the harassment on these aspects the way they do on race, wealth, dress, etc.