my life has ended
omg, my life has drastically changed in a 1 hour period. Okay, so i lied when i said nothing like that had ever happened before. Something so unimportant that i completly forgot did happen a long ass time ago. Me and chris weren't doing too well. I was pretty sure he had fucked these 2 girls. I guess i was feeling down and a good friend of mine gave me his shoulder to cry on. He was so sweet to me. He made me feel special again, i guess. Anyway, one thing led to another and we did it, i think. Actually, you cant really count it as doing it because he didnt get hard, so technically, we tried to do it. While we were at the mall like 30 minutes ago, this bitch friend of his that i'm sure he's fucked called him and told him. How the fuck she found out is a mystery to me, stupid bitch. If i ever see her i swear i will kill her. So, the next journal entry i write will most likely be from another location. Chris is gonna kick me out for sure. god, i cant be without him. Suicide has crossed my mind so many times. If i wasnt so scared of the thought of hell i swear i'd do it. If i have to leave, which i will do kicking and screaming, i'm not staying here. Fuck Virginia. I;m going to live with my dad. Here's another bonus, i might be pregnant. Is ia Chris'? Is it Drew's? Godammit. I need some kind of drug. I cant stop throwing up. He's my life. I know you're probably thinking that if i really loved him i wouldnt do anything like this to him in the first place. You are probably right. I do love him though. More than myself or anything in my life. I"d die for him. I cant explain why i've done these things. I'm just cold hearted, i guess. Thats what drew would say anyway. I'm contemplating just going in there and ending it myself to save him the trouble. He deserves so much more. So so so so much more. Someone who would never look at another guy or even consider doing what i've done. Turning back time would be so useful right about now...