(no subject)
The shop receives two very special visitors twenty minutes before lunch break. Seymour and Audrey have had no time to finish their dropped conversation. She has a new bruise, from when her heel broken on the stairs.
“Welcome to Mushnik & Son’s Florist,” Audrey says. “How can we help you today?”
Seymour is explaining to a customer that gerbera daisies come in many colours besides white, when a familiar voice replies, “We’d like to speak to the young Mushnik.”
“’Scuse me a sec, ma’am - Wanda! Horace!” Faint and gone the second after it arrives is the urge to call them mom and dad.
Wanda’s a few pounds heavier than she was last year when Seymour went out to visit. He shakes Horace’s hand and hugs Wanda, barely able to make his hands meet when he puts his arms around her.
“How long’re you in L.A. for? You shoulda called!”
“We’re just up for the day. And I told her to call, but to stop Wanda from her heart’s desires is to try and stop the tide with a bucket. She wanted to see the look on your face when we showed up. Was it worth it, dear?”
“Of course it was!” Her tone goes from happy to concerned in an instant. “Good Lord, baby, what happened to your hand?”
Seymour feels a flush of warmth at being called baby. Suddenly his tongue trips over what he’s said so easily so many times before. “I had- there were some shears and-with the roses and all-it-so, uh, Wanda…how’s the new job?”
Wanda’s eyes are suddenly as sharp as Mushnik’s. “You seen a doctor about this?”
He slips his hands into his pockets, gaze slipping to the floor. “’Course.” This isn’t the first lie he’s told the Krelborns. But he’d practiced the other ones.
“Mr. and Mrs. Krelborn.” Mushnik smiles genially as he shakes Horace’s hand; his smile becomes one of friendly bewilderment as he looks at Wanda, whose handshake is very short.
“Has this boy seen a doctor?”
“About…?” Mushnik glances at him. “Oh, that. No need to go through all that trouble just for a few bandages, I figure.”
Seymour’s cheeks are glowing hot when Wanda glances back at him. To Mushnik she says, “I see.” It is a very multi-purpose two syllables: her expression shows her surprise, her tone’s coolness shows her doubt of Mushnik’s parenting capabilities, and there’s a challenging ‘I hope you have a better explanation?’ in there. Seymour feels both thrilled and terrified.
“Haven’t heard any complaints,” Mushnik says with a hint of defensiveness. And they’d better not, Seymour hears.
Sons help their fathers. It’s how the world works. “Haven’t been any, sir,” Seymour replies quickly.
“So,” Horace says, interrupting Wanda, “That’s the plant we’ve heard so much about.”
“In the paper and everything,” Wanda says, turning from Mushnik with difficulty. “We’re so proud of you. You looked so handsome in that photo.” Mushnik had tossed the Times article at Seymour and growled that he’d forgot to mention the store’s address.
“Mind if we take one?” Horace asks, hoisting the camera around his neck.
There’s a distinct pause. Mushnik’s gaze goes longingly to the “Photo With the Plant - $5!” sign. Horace continues looking expectant, while Wanda’s expression becomes reminiscent of a cat’s as it sits in front of a mouse hole.
The pause ends when a broad smile breaks over Mushnik’s face. “Of course, of course.” Seymour grins with vindictive cheerfulness.
They take a picture with Seymour and Twoie, then, Seymour takes their picture with the plant. (It only wakes up at night.) Horace and Mushnik talk baseball while Seymour goes to ring up some purchases. Audrey joins the Krelborns and Mushnik at the front, her back facing the counter. Seymour can’t quite make out what they’re saying between the noise of the cash register and the radio playing The Barenaked Ladies’ “Jane” (I wrote a letter / she should’ve got it yesterday / that life could be better by being together / is what I cannot explain to Jane).
When the customers have left, he notes with a surge of alarm that Mushnik is trying to hide a smirk as Wanda talks, and Horace keeps opening how mouth to try to interrupt.
“-lovely!” Wanda says when Seymour gets there, her tone of pleased surprise. “And a dentist, too! Mazel tov, dear.”
“Thank you,” Audrey replies. Her face is a bit pink. “Well, I don’t want to keep you from your lunch.”
Seymour really doesn’t like how apologetic Horace looks.
They go to a nearby McDonald’s. Wanda makes Seymour promise that if there’s even a hint of his hand getting worse, he’ll go see a doctor. Wanda and Horace speak warmly of the children under their care (only three right now, and the Aaron - the oldest - is babysitting the two younger ones). They finally got enough money to add a new bedroom; his old room had two bunk-beds with four feet of space between them and one closet.
“And look at you, getting so successful,” Wanda says. “You’ll be able to move out of this place.” She says ‘place’ but means ‘dump’. “And get yourself a decent education, too.”
“That’s what we’re hoping.” (Lie #1: Seymour is just waiting for enough money to go to college. The corollary is Lie #2: Seymour graduated high school.)
“Your dad - is there anyone in his life?”
“Not that I know of.” (Lie #3: There’s no one in Mushnik’s life. A few months back Seymour came up from the basement to ask Mushnik what a word meant. Mushnik was in the upstairs bathroom, but the telephone book was open in the back room. Seymour read the word ‘escorts’ upside down before ducking out.)
“Mmm.” Wanda never comes out and says that the lack of any woman in Mushnik’s life is a bad thing. She just purses her lips and acts like she couldn’t care less despite having asked the question.
“No one in mine, either,” Seymour adds, because that’s usually what they follow up with.
“You always speak so highly of that Audrey girl,” Wanda mentions.
“She’s a good friend,” he says with a shrug. “But not my type. If there was anything there, something woulda happened by now, right?” (Lie #4: His true feelings about Audrey. This is both a Krelborn and a Mushnik lie - the Krelborns nod in acceptance; Mushnik rolled his eyes and said “Long as you keep your hands off her,” the one time the subject came up.)
“I ever tell you the one about the old man and the flood?” Horace asks. “Okay, there’s this old man in the village and the flood comes. Everyone’s getting packed and leaving town - he doesn’t. They ask him why and he says, ‘God will provide.’
“So the flood comes. The water’s halfway up his house, so he sits on the second story. A rescue boat comes up to him. ‘Old man!’ the rescue worker calls, ‘please get in!’ But the old man says, ‘No. God will provide.’ And the worker has other people to save, so he leaves the old man there.
“Next he’s on the roof of the house and a helicopter comes. ‘Old man!’ says the rescue worker, ‘please get in!’ But the old man says, ‘No. God will provide.’ And this helicopter also has other people to save, so he leaves the old man there.
“The old man is very surprised when he drowns. He goes up to heaven and meets God, and to God he says, ‘I drowned! Lord, why didn’t you provide for me?’
“God looks at him and says, ‘What is this ‘didn’t provide for you’ dreck? I provided you with a boat and a helicopter!’”
Seymour laughs, but remains puzzled.
“Now I’ve forgotten - why’d I tell that?” Horace asks Wanda.
“I can read your mind now?” Wanda replies. “But I think you meant it to mean how sometimes you can be so busy looking for things to turn out right that you miss making things turn out right.” She looks at Seymour dead on as she says this.
Seymour stares back, confused.
“She’s a very pretty girl,” Wanda adds.
They’re talking about him and Audrey. The idea shocks him to the core. They’ve seen through his lie about her being just his friend. They always nodded at him while quietly disbelieving everything he said. How many other lies have they seen through?
“There’s-” lots of complications because “-she’s-” so funny and goes dancing and has a rich boyfriend and “-I’m-” just a schmuck, can’t you tell?
“I suppose this dentist is some big shot, huh?” Horace asks.
The dentist’s bright red car gleamed in the sunlight. “Uh-huh.”
“You know who else was some big shot? Guy named Goliath. And you remember what happened to him!”
“Of course.” Seymour doesn’t. (Lie #5: He’s Jewish in more than name.)
“One thing’s for sure is that nothing will change if you keep standing aside,” Wanda continues. “So, maybe this Audrey isn’t the gal for you. It’d be better if you learned that after trying to see if she was, wouldn’t it?”
No one talks to him like this. No one says these things to him.
“Aw, c’mon, girls don’t-” Seymour begins, “I mean, what I mean is I’m not much-”
“Not much!” Wanda repeats. She has a list of what he is, and she says it at very loud volume: he’s kind, considerate, polite, sensitive, caring, and his eyes are so pretty.
The thought comes into his mind and for once he doesn’t immediately reject it: This could work. I love Audrey. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t hate me. Maybe….
His half hour lunch break is almost over. The Krelborns walk him back to the store. He thanks them for their advice. Horace claps him on the shoulder. Wanda swoops him into a hug. “You could call more,” she tells him, and he nods in agreement.
He waves as they walk away then ducks into the store, his face politely blank. (Lie #6: Seymour never minds going back to Mushnik. Maybe the Krelborns can see through that lie, too.)