So your girlfriend's best friend is a dude...
I want to get into something that I've experienced first-hand, and I'm sure plenty of people have as well. While I'm not currently in the following situation, just thinking about it is making me rethink about my intentions with the people who surround me.
Anyway, let me jump right in. When two people are in a healthy relationship, there is trust, care, love, etc. To maintain a healthy relationship, there has to be some kind of separation from each other and this usually is filled by the luxury of friends, family, hobbies, so forth. Now this is the specific part I want to talk about... the friends, or more importantly: the best friend. Okay fine, I'll take it one step further: the best friend of the opposite sex.
So you have a couple, the guy and the girl... and say the girl has a best friend/really close, long-term friend that is a guy. There's no reason for the boyfriend to be worried because she's in a relationship with him. There's no reason to think she's going to cheat, but there is an intimidating factor with this "best guy-friend." Sometimes, they can enjoy a conversation better than the boyfriend. There is a really good chance that this best guy-friend even knows her better than the boyfriend. So what's the boyfriend do to?
What can the guy in the relationship legitimately say to the girlfriend that doesn't make him come off as an ass who doesn't trust her? It's not like he thinks she's going to cheat with that best guy-friend, but it definitely puts the boyfriend in a weird situation.
Now let me explore my experiences with this. I've been on both ends of the spectrum here. I've had a relationship where my girlfriend whose best friend was a guy who she knew since she was a little girl. She said "he's like a brother to me" (like every girl would). While I trusted her and didn't think she would ever cheat on me with him, in some ways I did feel cheated on. She needed her alone time with him so they could hang out like they always have in the past. They shared inside jokes that I obviously didn't get. But the MAIN thing that bothered me (as I'm sure would bother anyone) is that whenever me and her had a dispute, she would go to her best friend to talk about. She would be talking about personal things, that I thought should be between us, to him. I understand that girls have to express their feelings and vent their emotions when they're upset, but to another guy?
I was put in a very tough situation whether or not to tell her how I felt about all of this. After a lot of thinking, I decided to let her know how I felt. I wasn't surprised when she reassured me she had no feelings for him and how it's nice to have someone who she knows will be there to listen to her whenever she needed someone. But I don't think she really understood how weird it was for him to be somewhat stuck between us. Was I just being jealous? Was I being unreasonable?
I won't go into how I played the role of the best guy-friend right now, but I'm sure I'll hit upon that topic later on as I continue to write in here. But it just got me wondering how situations like this can work out. The guy shouldn't ever tell his gf who to see and who not to see, but there has to be some kind of boundaries. And if that best guy-friend makes the bf uncomfortable, doesn't the gf deserve to know? Shouldn't she be able to figure that out and know what to do?
And for the record, I've been in the situation where I had an extremely close gal-friend while in a relationship. Needless to say, I believed that I had to pick one and of course I picked my girlfriend.
Anyway, let me jump right in. When two people are in a healthy relationship, there is trust, care, love, etc. To maintain a healthy relationship, there has to be some kind of separation from each other and this usually is filled by the luxury of friends, family, hobbies, so forth. Now this is the specific part I want to talk about... the friends, or more importantly: the best friend. Okay fine, I'll take it one step further: the best friend of the opposite sex.
So you have a couple, the guy and the girl... and say the girl has a best friend/really close, long-term friend that is a guy. There's no reason for the boyfriend to be worried because she's in a relationship with him. There's no reason to think she's going to cheat, but there is an intimidating factor with this "best guy-friend." Sometimes, they can enjoy a conversation better than the boyfriend. There is a really good chance that this best guy-friend even knows her better than the boyfriend. So what's the boyfriend do to?
What can the guy in the relationship legitimately say to the girlfriend that doesn't make him come off as an ass who doesn't trust her? It's not like he thinks she's going to cheat with that best guy-friend, but it definitely puts the boyfriend in a weird situation.
Now let me explore my experiences with this. I've been on both ends of the spectrum here. I've had a relationship where my girlfriend whose best friend was a guy who she knew since she was a little girl. She said "he's like a brother to me" (like every girl would). While I trusted her and didn't think she would ever cheat on me with him, in some ways I did feel cheated on. She needed her alone time with him so they could hang out like they always have in the past. They shared inside jokes that I obviously didn't get. But the MAIN thing that bothered me (as I'm sure would bother anyone) is that whenever me and her had a dispute, she would go to her best friend to talk about. She would be talking about personal things, that I thought should be between us, to him. I understand that girls have to express their feelings and vent their emotions when they're upset, but to another guy?
I was put in a very tough situation whether or not to tell her how I felt about all of this. After a lot of thinking, I decided to let her know how I felt. I wasn't surprised when she reassured me she had no feelings for him and how it's nice to have someone who she knows will be there to listen to her whenever she needed someone. But I don't think she really understood how weird it was for him to be somewhat stuck between us. Was I just being jealous? Was I being unreasonable?
I won't go into how I played the role of the best guy-friend right now, but I'm sure I'll hit upon that topic later on as I continue to write in here. But it just got me wondering how situations like this can work out. The guy shouldn't ever tell his gf who to see and who not to see, but there has to be some kind of boundaries. And if that best guy-friend makes the bf uncomfortable, doesn't the gf deserve to know? Shouldn't she be able to figure that out and know what to do?
And for the record, I've been in the situation where I had an extremely close gal-friend while in a relationship. Needless to say, I believed that I had to pick one and of course I picked my girlfriend.