You might be a redneck if...
Friday the 13th. Yay. I'm usually pretty sketchy on Friday the 13th, always all tweaked out that something horrible is gonna happen...
Well, today I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th until damn near 10:30 at night, so I suppose my ignorance negated the bad luck. I had a great day today! Until... 10:31pm, after I had realized it was Friday the 13th.
I'm driving down the highway on my way home from class, and I pull off from this light that had just turned green. There's a little hunk o' junk Nissan pickup next to me, and a big ass 'I'm a wife beating redneck' truck behind it. The Nissan didn't take off fast enough, apparently. The redneck truck just goes ahead and pulls out to pass the Nissan, but... HELLO! I'M DRIVING HERE! Fucking moron almost clipped my front fender clean off.
So I do what anyone else in my position would do. Or.. any non-homicidal maniac would do. I slam on my brakes and hit the brights, just for a second, so that dickhead knows damn well that I was there, and that he almost took me out. The asshole speeds off like he's a fat kid late for his supper. I just kinda shrugged it off after issuing him the all important finger, and continue my drive home.
About a mile later, this redneck truck slows waaayyyy down in front of me. So I creep by Nissan and pull into the right lane to pass redneck. Redneck GETS BEHIND ME an boom! Floodlights on me... and now I'm blind. Thanks a lot, you toothless goat loving genius! I kinda swerved just a little bit, because I honestly couldn't see.
So then I grin, because parked on the side of the road is a dark blue Camaro. In the town of Wind Lake, dark blue Camaro = the po-po. Sure enough -- cherries. Here come the red and blue. Redneck gets pulled over, for being a general ass, I'm guessing. I get curious, and kinda do a roundabout to pass by the scene, and what do I see? Redneck... face down in the dirt, hands bound behind his back, and three more cop cars, not to mention that group of cops congregated around redneck's open tailgate. Wonder what he had in there...
Well, today I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th until damn near 10:30 at night, so I suppose my ignorance negated the bad luck. I had a great day today! Until... 10:31pm, after I had realized it was Friday the 13th.
I'm driving down the highway on my way home from class, and I pull off from this light that had just turned green. There's a little hunk o' junk Nissan pickup next to me, and a big ass 'I'm a wife beating redneck' truck behind it. The Nissan didn't take off fast enough, apparently. The redneck truck just goes ahead and pulls out to pass the Nissan, but... HELLO! I'M DRIVING HERE! Fucking moron almost clipped my front fender clean off.
So I do what anyone else in my position would do. Or.. any non-homicidal maniac would do. I slam on my brakes and hit the brights, just for a second, so that dickhead knows damn well that I was there, and that he almost took me out. The asshole speeds off like he's a fat kid late for his supper. I just kinda shrugged it off after issuing him the all important finger, and continue my drive home.
About a mile later, this redneck truck slows waaayyyy down in front of me. So I creep by Nissan and pull into the right lane to pass redneck. Redneck GETS BEHIND ME an boom! Floodlights on me... and now I'm blind. Thanks a lot, you toothless goat loving genius! I kinda swerved just a little bit, because I honestly couldn't see.
So then I grin, because parked on the side of the road is a dark blue Camaro. In the town of Wind Lake, dark blue Camaro = the po-po. Sure enough -- cherries. Here come the red and blue. Redneck gets pulled over, for being a general ass, I'm guessing. I get curious, and kinda do a roundabout to pass by the scene, and what do I see? Redneck... face down in the dirt, hands bound behind his back, and three more cop cars, not to mention that group of cops congregated around redneck's open tailgate. Wonder what he had in there...