Petra Pan
I was cleaning out my room the other night because I couldn't sleep again *surprise, surprise* and I realized what a pack rat I was. I had little notes that my then-boyfriend passed to me during class from more than six years ago. And I had candy wrappers from candies that then-crushes gave me. And posters of celebrities I then-adored.
But aside from all that useless junk that I came across [and have now disposed of, thank goodness!], I also came across a bunch of other things: keychains that were won for me in those claw-games you can find in arcades, little figurines from I-don't-even-remember-where-anymore, snow globes that were running out of water because of old age, and stuffed animals. Man, I had a ton of stuffed animals.
As I looked at all the clutter that I had piled up in one corner of my room to dispose of [i.e. dump down the garbage], I felt a little pang of pain inside of me. I had never disposed of any of my trinkets. Ever. The white shelves in my room were next to bare and my bed - one that was cluttered up with a vast array of poohbears of different shapes and sizes - was empty apart from two that I decided to keep [shutup, they had sentimental value, okay!].
A few minutes of taking those last looks at them, I realized what I was doing...
At the not-so-tender age of twenty, I finally decided to grow up.
It's strange, the transition.
I don't even recall what made me do it. Hell, I wasn't even aware that I was putting off doing it.
I mean, when is the "right" time to do it? What is the legal age of growing up?
Is it when you realize you've been fooling around with a ton of guys for the past couple of years that you don't remember the last time you were in a steady, decent relationship? Or rather, you choose not to remember because the relationship was so bad, you'd rather forget you wasted eight months on it? And then you start thinking about your mother and how lucky she is to have found someone like your father. And then you realize they got married when she was twenty-one. And OMG. You're twenty ... and single. When and how in the world will you ever find someone like your father in... hmm... half a year?
Yeah. That has to be it.
The legal age of growing up is when you realize you've wasted so much precious time partying, drinking, having sex, and smoking your lungs out when you could have been using that time wisely by, say, looking for the perfect guy who can only aspire to live up to your expectations [i.e. your own father].
Ok. Maybe not.
That was just me ranting and hating that I am no longer a teenager.
The other day, Karl told me that I will always be 19 1/2 years old in his eyes.
That's when I realized that I have always had this fear of getting old... growing up... which totally explains my never-dying fascination with fairy tales and vampires. I recently saw Stardust [which I absolutely LOVED btw - you have to see it, if you haven't yet. Or heck, even if you have, see it again!], and I couldn't help but wish that I were made of stardust. Immortality in youth.
It was kind of like my wish to live in Never-Never Land with the Lost Boys, to be the mistress of the Vampire Lestat, to find the Tucks' Fountain of Youth, to marry Legolas Greenleaf, to sell my soul to the devil, even.
Most people are scared of living forever. Freddie Mercury even wrote a song on it. But that is my dream: to live life for centuries and centuries, to be young forever. Yes, even if it means roaming the streets, doomed to be alone [boys suck, anyhoo]. I've always wished I were around for the Victorian Era and the 70's. Had I been a vampire, I could have lived through all of that and watched the world change. The concept of being able to do that is just pure genius.
And I am not joking - I would sell my soul to the devil to be immortal.
Hell, I should dream bigger..... I wish I were God.
Fine.
So I strayed a bit off-topic there. And I admit, that is probably not the answer to my legal age question.
I actually think the legal age of growing up is when you realize you need to start prioritizing and thinking about your future - trying to get where you want to be and visualizing where you see yourself a few years from today.
I'd like to say I see myself married, and settled down, maybe pregnant or with a few kids.
But truth be told... I know that's never gonna happen. Not in the near future, at least. Coz hell, I'm too darned scared of the idea of ending my own childhood - how in the world am I supposed to raise my own kids???
I wish I had the guts to embrace life and just grow up already.
Properly.
But aside from all that useless junk that I came across [and have now disposed of, thank goodness!], I also came across a bunch of other things: keychains that were won for me in those claw-games you can find in arcades, little figurines from I-don't-even-remember-where-anymore, snow globes that were running out of water because of old age, and stuffed animals. Man, I had a ton of stuffed animals.
As I looked at all the clutter that I had piled up in one corner of my room to dispose of [i.e. dump down the garbage], I felt a little pang of pain inside of me. I had never disposed of any of my trinkets. Ever. The white shelves in my room were next to bare and my bed - one that was cluttered up with a vast array of poohbears of different shapes and sizes - was empty apart from two that I decided to keep [shutup, they had sentimental value, okay!].
A few minutes of taking those last looks at them, I realized what I was doing...
At the not-so-tender age of twenty, I finally decided to grow up.
It's strange, the transition.
I don't even recall what made me do it. Hell, I wasn't even aware that I was putting off doing it.
I mean, when is the "right" time to do it? What is the legal age of growing up?
Is it when you realize you've been fooling around with a ton of guys for the past couple of years that you don't remember the last time you were in a steady, decent relationship? Or rather, you choose not to remember because the relationship was so bad, you'd rather forget you wasted eight months on it? And then you start thinking about your mother and how lucky she is to have found someone like your father. And then you realize they got married when she was twenty-one. And OMG. You're twenty ... and single. When and how in the world will you ever find someone like your father in... hmm... half a year?
Yeah. That has to be it.
The legal age of growing up is when you realize you've wasted so much precious time partying, drinking, having sex, and smoking your lungs out when you could have been using that time wisely by, say, looking for the perfect guy who can only aspire to live up to your expectations [i.e. your own father].
Ok. Maybe not.
That was just me ranting and hating that I am no longer a teenager.
The other day, Karl told me that I will always be 19 1/2 years old in his eyes.
That's when I realized that I have always had this fear of getting old... growing up... which totally explains my never-dying fascination with fairy tales and vampires. I recently saw Stardust [which I absolutely LOVED btw - you have to see it, if you haven't yet. Or heck, even if you have, see it again!], and I couldn't help but wish that I were made of stardust. Immortality in youth.
It was kind of like my wish to live in Never-Never Land with the Lost Boys, to be the mistress of the Vampire Lestat, to find the Tucks' Fountain of Youth, to marry Legolas Greenleaf, to sell my soul to the devil, even.
Most people are scared of living forever. Freddie Mercury even wrote a song on it. But that is my dream: to live life for centuries and centuries, to be young forever. Yes, even if it means roaming the streets, doomed to be alone [boys suck, anyhoo]. I've always wished I were around for the Victorian Era and the 70's. Had I been a vampire, I could have lived through all of that and watched the world change. The concept of being able to do that is just pure genius.
And I am not joking - I would sell my soul to the devil to be immortal.
Hell, I should dream bigger..... I wish I were God.
Fine.
So I strayed a bit off-topic there. And I admit, that is probably not the answer to my legal age question.
I actually think the legal age of growing up is when you realize you need to start prioritizing and thinking about your future - trying to get where you want to be and visualizing where you see yourself a few years from today.
I'd like to say I see myself married, and settled down, maybe pregnant or with a few kids.
But truth be told... I know that's never gonna happen. Not in the near future, at least. Coz hell, I'm too darned scared of the idea of ending my own childhood - how in the world am I supposed to raise my own kids???
I wish I had the guts to embrace life and just grow up already.
Properly.