(no subject)
I feel so guilty when I have a journal entry saying that I've had a bad day. I mean...I could be alot worse off..I could be homeless, I could be a single mom trying to afford groceries for her kids... I've got it pretty good I guess.. I always just let little circumstances get to me, and I shouldn't. I really just want to stop focusing so much on the little things and focus on the big things.. I need to just focus on God and let everything else fall into place. Why is it so hard to do that? Why after being a Christian for so long and seeing God work miracles in my life do I still find it so difficult to just trust him? ...
I remember a time in my life when I did trust God wholeheartedly..and then once again, I got caught up in the little things and it really hindered my trust in God, and it shouldn't have... looking back on my life, It should've made my trust a heck of alot stronger...and it has in most cases, but still I struggle daily, I find myself worrying alot..I hate it.. I shouldn't worry.. I know that God is real...its just hard sometimes because you seek after him so much and you feel like your talking to the wall...and your just like.."God, are you there?" and he's silent.. I guess at times like this I should be in the word and praying the hardest, its the valleys in life that I think the most growth can come out of.. and thats why Im here, to grow. As a Christian what good am I if Im not constantly pushing myself forward? I used to be so radical in my walk with Christ, I was really a super-christian for awhile..but then... life happened.. and there were distractions, there were things in front of me, beside me, behind me, that constantly had me questioning God and ..looking every which way but up to Him.. I know he's got my back..I know he's bigger than any little thing that I deal with here, I just hate it how I know something in my heart, but I can't get my head to cooperate....
I need to start having daily quiet time, time to talk to God, read the bible, praise him, worship him, just sit in the silence and wait for him.. I have such a huge hunger within me, I just feel so...distracted. I really am not even envovled in church at all right now...Im so disconnected... I need to be in church, I need to get my passion back, I need to find out what and where God wants me to be..
I trust him though, as much as I struggle, but I know that I will be where he wants me, and that I will do what he wants me to do..I just want to know what my calling is in life. Where do I go from here, I wanna be so much, I wanna do so much, I just don't know where to begin, which way to go, what road to turn on..and its really frustrating sometimes. I know what I need to do.. I just lack the direction.. Im just at a waiting point where Im like.. Im not moving one more inch until I know its in the direction God wants me to go...
I need to work on time managment...
I need to set aside a time to study, to have quiet time, and time to do everything else... I need to just..shutup
Im so needy tonight, God is probably getting annoyed....I need to just relax and rely on him and trust that he will guide me where he wants me...
Im sorry if that made no sense to you, Im just ...confused and really in need to just fall to my knees and surrender every single part of my being to Him.
Im out...
peace
I remember a time in my life when I did trust God wholeheartedly..and then once again, I got caught up in the little things and it really hindered my trust in God, and it shouldn't have... looking back on my life, It should've made my trust a heck of alot stronger...and it has in most cases, but still I struggle daily, I find myself worrying alot..I hate it.. I shouldn't worry.. I know that God is real...its just hard sometimes because you seek after him so much and you feel like your talking to the wall...and your just like.."God, are you there?" and he's silent.. I guess at times like this I should be in the word and praying the hardest, its the valleys in life that I think the most growth can come out of.. and thats why Im here, to grow. As a Christian what good am I if Im not constantly pushing myself forward? I used to be so radical in my walk with Christ, I was really a super-christian for awhile..but then... life happened.. and there were distractions, there were things in front of me, beside me, behind me, that constantly had me questioning God and ..looking every which way but up to Him.. I know he's got my back..I know he's bigger than any little thing that I deal with here, I just hate it how I know something in my heart, but I can't get my head to cooperate....
I need to start having daily quiet time, time to talk to God, read the bible, praise him, worship him, just sit in the silence and wait for him.. I have such a huge hunger within me, I just feel so...distracted. I really am not even envovled in church at all right now...Im so disconnected... I need to be in church, I need to get my passion back, I need to find out what and where God wants me to be..
I trust him though, as much as I struggle, but I know that I will be where he wants me, and that I will do what he wants me to do..I just want to know what my calling is in life. Where do I go from here, I wanna be so much, I wanna do so much, I just don't know where to begin, which way to go, what road to turn on..and its really frustrating sometimes. I know what I need to do.. I just lack the direction.. Im just at a waiting point where Im like.. Im not moving one more inch until I know its in the direction God wants me to go...
I need to work on time managment...
I need to set aside a time to study, to have quiet time, and time to do everything else... I need to just..shutup
Im so needy tonight, God is probably getting annoyed....I need to just relax and rely on him and trust that he will guide me where he wants me...
Im sorry if that made no sense to you, Im just ...confused and really in need to just fall to my knees and surrender every single part of my being to Him.
Im out...
peace