A long needed update
So I moved back home..... been here since Tuesday and I am still al il sore from it all...the packing, moving heavy boxes to storage, rearranging things, and living in the front living room...not too bad but not a room.
I dont know where I am at in my life right now...like I feel as though I am stuck just simpl living and not living to live. i hate my 2 jobs because 1-coldstone has been fun off and on for 4 yrs but NO RAISE...and Staples is not going to work with school and I lost the only good manager so I hate the management.... I am just just done with them but dont know where to go next. I feel like I am just following the routine simply to keep going and make the monthly payments and bills.
I have lost almost all comunication with friends...and I know its no ones fault..we are all simply just trying to live and make ends meet and there is not always room for free time...but I feel disconnected to those whom I use to see daily/weekly.....I had lunch with Chelsea today and was overwhelmed with all the updates on our mutual friends. By the way Jarrod Im happy you have found a wonderful girl.... isnt love grand? And paddy and jess congrats again if you know what I mean.... actually dreamt it and when I mentioned it to Chelsea she revealed that it was true...kinda trippy.
But see YOU guys I have lost....for quite sometime.....and its sad.
I am turning 22 this year and I feel that I am supposed to be in better standings. I should of had degrees by now, I should be making far more money with my work experience, I should WANT to go out at night and BE young...but instead I am working 2 jobs and too tired to want to go out...I feel OLD.
Now I am not saying that there are no positives in my life. one is of course George. now if ur rolling your eyes them go away you dont understand or your too judgemental and dont deserve to read this. But ti is true. I have had my depression start again for the past few months over issues out of my control and the only constant person was George. He had to deal with my vents, long cry sessions, and even my doubts of myself concerning him. But he has stayed through it and helped me cope and I am forever grateful of that. I have come to realize exactly what love is, how it feels, what it means, how hard it is to work on and in the end, I couldn't see myself without him. I only hope that my friends can see that and wish that everyone experience it at least once in their lives...for it is a feeling that no words can express but that the heart yearns for and the soul is completed by it.
On a side note a few people have said that "people distance themseles whenever they are in relationships, that they forget who their friends are" That is not true...for one the phone works both ways, 2- friends are supposed to WELCOME another friends significant other into their lives as it is a part of their friends. 3- i never discluded anyone from my life but if I dont want to go get high or drink at some random party weekly then thats my choice... I went through the Drinking Parties my first years of college, but for me it was a phase...and it gets old and I find it not fun anymore..maybe it was the fact that it was different people and different places...but it had passed.
Now is the time for a positive change and I am going to work my ass off to make it happen. I am going to find a new job that makes me at least somewhat happy by being there. I am going to go back to school and hopefully have an Assoc degreee by the end of fall. I am going to save up some $ so if I do have time for a vacation I will use it wisely. And last, I am going to keep working on ME and try to grow from my experiences to become a more positive and responsible adult.
that is all for now....
off to keep un-packing and try to make a home again..
ciao
I dont know where I am at in my life right now...like I feel as though I am stuck just simpl living and not living to live. i hate my 2 jobs because 1-coldstone has been fun off and on for 4 yrs but NO RAISE...and Staples is not going to work with school and I lost the only good manager so I hate the management.... I am just just done with them but dont know where to go next. I feel like I am just following the routine simply to keep going and make the monthly payments and bills.
I have lost almost all comunication with friends...and I know its no ones fault..we are all simply just trying to live and make ends meet and there is not always room for free time...but I feel disconnected to those whom I use to see daily/weekly.....I had lunch with Chelsea today and was overwhelmed with all the updates on our mutual friends. By the way Jarrod Im happy you have found a wonderful girl.... isnt love grand? And paddy and jess congrats again if you know what I mean.... actually dreamt it and when I mentioned it to Chelsea she revealed that it was true...kinda trippy.
But see YOU guys I have lost....for quite sometime.....and its sad.
I am turning 22 this year and I feel that I am supposed to be in better standings. I should of had degrees by now, I should be making far more money with my work experience, I should WANT to go out at night and BE young...but instead I am working 2 jobs and too tired to want to go out...I feel OLD.
Now I am not saying that there are no positives in my life. one is of course George. now if ur rolling your eyes them go away you dont understand or your too judgemental and dont deserve to read this. But ti is true. I have had my depression start again for the past few months over issues out of my control and the only constant person was George. He had to deal with my vents, long cry sessions, and even my doubts of myself concerning him. But he has stayed through it and helped me cope and I am forever grateful of that. I have come to realize exactly what love is, how it feels, what it means, how hard it is to work on and in the end, I couldn't see myself without him. I only hope that my friends can see that and wish that everyone experience it at least once in their lives...for it is a feeling that no words can express but that the heart yearns for and the soul is completed by it.
On a side note a few people have said that "people distance themseles whenever they are in relationships, that they forget who their friends are" That is not true...for one the phone works both ways, 2- friends are supposed to WELCOME another friends significant other into their lives as it is a part of their friends. 3- i never discluded anyone from my life but if I dont want to go get high or drink at some random party weekly then thats my choice... I went through the Drinking Parties my first years of college, but for me it was a phase...and it gets old and I find it not fun anymore..maybe it was the fact that it was different people and different places...but it had passed.
Now is the time for a positive change and I am going to work my ass off to make it happen. I am going to find a new job that makes me at least somewhat happy by being there. I am going to go back to school and hopefully have an Assoc degreee by the end of fall. I am going to save up some $ so if I do have time for a vacation I will use it wisely. And last, I am going to keep working on ME and try to grow from my experiences to become a more positive and responsible adult.
that is all for now....
off to keep un-packing and try to make a home again..
ciao