(no subject)
I'm so pissed and so upset lately. So my body is trying to shut itself down I think. I'm having problems with vision...eyes are going blurry or far, far away alot. Im havin problems swallowing too. Not a sore throat or anything...muscles just don't seem to wanna work right. Liguids I'm pretty much okay with, it's solids that are giving me fits. Have to usually mix solids with lots of liquids now if I wanna get them down at all...no matter how well they are chewed. Same thing with going pee. I know when I have to go, but have to force it out. Most tiimes I'm okay or it's just a stmmble here or there...but then sometimes (like yesterday morning and again tonight) I'm having to hold onto whatever is along my path...walls, chairs, desks, tables, people even...just to get from place to place. Lots of headaches and forgetting things too...alot more of forgetting too mid sentence what I'm even talking about. I never know what day of the week it is....have to check that one several times a day. Once I konw the date, I can keep remembering that for the whole day most times, but days of the week I can't. Right now, I'm living on Cody time though. I know Cody is coming home in a week on Saturday. And I know tomorrow is Saturday too because Angel is going to DC to spend the day there instead of Gabe coming home. And I know the Saturday after Cody comes home, everyone will be going out of town except me. (Angel to her dad's to get some work done on her jeep and Sessy and Diego to Spike's moms house for Diego's bithday party...so I get the whole weekend alone with Cody!) I told Sessy earlier today that back when I used to drink alot, I only had one real hangover...and that's what today felt like...or actually this afternoon, cause I didn't wake up till after 2pm! It's not major stuff, but enough to irritate me because I know I shouldn't be this way. I'm losing too much time again. Not being able to remember stuff (even simple stuff) and not being able to do stuff physically that I should be able to do without even thinking about it...along with losing time and a few other things that I haven't even mentioned here...is just not right.
A friend tonight who just happens to be a nurse asked me if I had a doctor up here yet because something in the noggin just aint right. I KNOW that, but I can't get into a doctor here until the medicaid is transfered and starts here....which can't happen until the SSI gets switched (I just can't afford anymore doctor bills...I have a ton in Virginia to pay yet...and I'm talking in the thousands of dollars)....which can't happen until somebody decides to drive me down to the local SS office. I called on the phone and they flagged me because I couldn't remember my previous address...which I know I actually DID remember because I used to get mail from SS there...so that one is somebody else's screw up at the main federal office....grrrrrr. Same with closing my case in Louisiana. I have called 2 days in a row now and can't catch the social worker I'm assigned to in the office. I left messages but nobody has contacted me back yet...so that's another call to make again on Monday. double grrrrrrr. If he's not in his office again on Monday, Imma just ask for his supervisor and try to get things moving that way. Frustrating to be trying so hard to get done what I need done and having to work on everyone else's schedules...especially when the people I need to contact don't seem to like to stay in their offices.
In other news, Angel's attitude is still good...she was like major bitchy for a few weeks and then all of a sudden it all changed...for quite a few days now. It's almost like I have my old "friend" back again. I beat her butt good in Monopoly last night...we tried to play again tonight (after she made me promise not to take EVERYTHING tonight..lol), but we had to shut it down early because I just didn't have enough concetration...bummer...becasuse I really enjoyed last nite's game but tonight I couldn't remember one play to the next or even which token I was or where I was on the board...it got that bad, so we had no choice but to give up even trying to finish out the game.
Gabe I still haven't spoken to since he sent the money back to me. I explained to Angel why is was so improtant to have it back though, so I'm sure she will pass the message along to him. Those two are like 2 old washer wimmen at a fence when it comes to talking...LOL. I don't really care...I have back what I need to get my Cody here and that's all that really matters to me anymore in that respect.
And most all the snow melted away...just long enough for me to get lost with the change of the landscape...and now it's all back again...and just freakin COLD COLD COLD!!!! Damn is it cold out there...and tonight in here too for that matter. LOL I've been just sleeping in t-shirts for the last few nights...but I am back to being bundled up in long jammies again now. I had planned on the fleece footed jammies again tonight...but since I never got dressed today because I woke up so late...and I skipped the shower tonight (can't believe that one myself since lately I'm back to scrubbing to the point of almost bleeding in there) I just didn't see any use in changing them from last night yet...so I'm still decked out in Eeyore and fluffy pink slippers...shivevering my ass off no less! lol
And seeing that Sessy woke up a bit ago and asked me why I was still up...and I have a nice warm fluffy blue blanket waiting for me on the couch...and it's now aftr 3 am, I guess I should go crawl underneath it and try to get some sleep at a decemt hour tonight.
Sweet dreams to all!
xoxoxxo
A friend tonight who just happens to be a nurse asked me if I had a doctor up here yet because something in the noggin just aint right. I KNOW that, but I can't get into a doctor here until the medicaid is transfered and starts here....which can't happen until the SSI gets switched (I just can't afford anymore doctor bills...I have a ton in Virginia to pay yet...and I'm talking in the thousands of dollars)....which can't happen until somebody decides to drive me down to the local SS office. I called on the phone and they flagged me because I couldn't remember my previous address...which I know I actually DID remember because I used to get mail from SS there...so that one is somebody else's screw up at the main federal office....grrrrrr. Same with closing my case in Louisiana. I have called 2 days in a row now and can't catch the social worker I'm assigned to in the office. I left messages but nobody has contacted me back yet...so that's another call to make again on Monday. double grrrrrrr. If he's not in his office again on Monday, Imma just ask for his supervisor and try to get things moving that way. Frustrating to be trying so hard to get done what I need done and having to work on everyone else's schedules...especially when the people I need to contact don't seem to like to stay in their offices.
In other news, Angel's attitude is still good...she was like major bitchy for a few weeks and then all of a sudden it all changed...for quite a few days now. It's almost like I have my old "friend" back again. I beat her butt good in Monopoly last night...we tried to play again tonight (after she made me promise not to take EVERYTHING tonight..lol), but we had to shut it down early because I just didn't have enough concetration...bummer...becasuse I really enjoyed last nite's game but tonight I couldn't remember one play to the next or even which token I was or where I was on the board...it got that bad, so we had no choice but to give up even trying to finish out the game.
Gabe I still haven't spoken to since he sent the money back to me. I explained to Angel why is was so improtant to have it back though, so I'm sure she will pass the message along to him. Those two are like 2 old washer wimmen at a fence when it comes to talking...LOL. I don't really care...I have back what I need to get my Cody here and that's all that really matters to me anymore in that respect.
And most all the snow melted away...just long enough for me to get lost with the change of the landscape...and now it's all back again...and just freakin COLD COLD COLD!!!! Damn is it cold out there...and tonight in here too for that matter. LOL I've been just sleeping in t-shirts for the last few nights...but I am back to being bundled up in long jammies again now. I had planned on the fleece footed jammies again tonight...but since I never got dressed today because I woke up so late...and I skipped the shower tonight (can't believe that one myself since lately I'm back to scrubbing to the point of almost bleeding in there) I just didn't see any use in changing them from last night yet...so I'm still decked out in Eeyore and fluffy pink slippers...shivevering my ass off no less! lol
And seeing that Sessy woke up a bit ago and asked me why I was still up...and I have a nice warm fluffy blue blanket waiting for me on the couch...and it's now aftr 3 am, I guess I should go crawl underneath it and try to get some sleep at a decemt hour tonight.
Sweet dreams to all!
xoxoxxo