finally found.
Here we stand, two hearts broken in two. ... Break those chains that bind you. You know I still love you, though we touched and went our separate ways....
So, I kind of deserted livejournal for a while. Though I am never dishonest or even misleading in these entries, I put on these pages my life as I want other people to see it. And because so many people read have access to this, I am always lead to leave out information or talk around everything, in which case I just go write in my private journal. And that is what I have been doing lately. However, I do not have anything to hide anymore. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I do not care what the average nobody on the street thinks of me. I don't care what rumors are going around or about drama people try to get me caught up in, because I finally know who I am and what I am doing with my life.
I took a trip to Virginia this past week, and stayed at my grandparents house. I got a slap-in-the-face kind of reminder of what it was like to, even if only for a week, do pretty close to nothing with my life. I didn't work or go to church. I just lived it up and tried to have fun. But... it really wasn't as fun as it used to be. There were a few select friends, and you know who you are, who I will never tire of and will never grow old to me. But all of the people who used to be so interesting and captivating to me last year just.... aren't now. I am no longer content to sit amongst a room full of people smoking weed, or even a room full or juggalos. I just look at everyone and realize how much I have moved on. I will still hold last summer and all of the memories it holds close to my heart... but I am so glad that I am not there anymore. Last summer was the summer to fuck up, and this is the summer to grow up. Going to Virginia, I was so excited to see everyone and relive old times, but honestly... it scared the shit out of me. That is where I lost myself. Some great times have happened there, but some really bad ones have, also. And I don't want you to know where I've been, 'cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been. Leaving Virginia left me excited to return to Texas, in a way. If I were to go back to stay right now, I fear I would lose everything. I need to continue to strenghten myself so that I can face everything there again someday, and not get sucked in by it all one more time. It is so easy to lose yourself in Virginia. Virginia is that place where the sun never rises because it never sets in the first place. And I never really go that until Thursday night.
I will be ready to come back one day. But that day isn't today. Today is not my day to find you. I spent last summer trying to take on the world... and this summer, I am just mastering taking on myself. And I finally got it!! I am so happy. And it is not because of Texas, but it is because of who I became in the past few months while in Texas. I know that this is where I am supposed to be, and not physically, but in mind and in spirit. I think I have it more figured out than a lot of people give me credit for.
I just always posted sad, emo posts, and for once, I just wanted to let everyone know how happy I am to be me and to be living life right now. This is only the beginning of Theresa. I am nineteen and have life to go....