i wish i stayed asleep today
so ive had a bad couple of days. eh whatever i'll get over it im sure. although mike cutting the string might take me a while to recover from. :(
so have you ever wondered why we have live journals? or not even just live journals but diarys or something? it all has to do with memory in my opinion. for example, when something really funny or something great happens and i dont wanna forget i put it in my journal and update about it. well im hoping you all have seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. pretty great movie. i wish i could have some memories erased from my mind.. i also wish i could remember everything i wanted to. if i could i would erase everything that makes me sad, everything i had thats gone now, and everything i know of in this world that sucks. but if i could pick a few memories to keep forever, it would most definantly be with the most important people to me. yeah my cousins and brothers. i would want to remember my childhood with them cause they make me the happiest person. lately has been pretty bad though, ever since february things have pretty much gone down hill. yeah. i miss her a lot. my best friend has been pretty occupied lately i guess. so ive been keeping myself busy too but once again change is coming in and im starting to think everything is gonna suck again. i dont know how to react to things like this. seriously relationships kinda suck and i dont want a boyfriend anytime soon. if i cant handle friendships, then forget it. i think that for now, i basically give up. so yeah, memory.. ive thought about a lot of old times lately. incase you didnt know, which i dont think many people have.. my grandmother is moving. probably going to be a really hard thing for me since i used to go over there every weekend until i was like 11. yeah well i dont adjust well to change. for example, when she sold our summer house, i still havnt gotten over it and just thinking about it can make me cry. when i was younger i used to tell my grandmother i was gonna live with her in that house cause i loved it so much. all my memories of my grandfather are in that house.. fuck. changes are really hard. people always tell me i think of change as a bad thing. sorry but i do. i know i do. but really, telling me that isnt gonna make me stop thinking it is. i cant change the way i feel or think. so much of my childhood kind of makes me sad. especially since im losing it. it really is hard to let things go. you always have them in the back of your head somewhere, because you never really forget things. or at least things that hurt you the most or mean the most to you. its weird to think that what happens now and from everything i remember now can all go away when im older. im afraid ill forget things, especially things i dont want to forget. memory can be kinda sad.. maybe it would be better to forget everything and start over. seems less painful to let things go if you have nothing to hold on to.
one thing i really love is when i get an idea in my mind and i can just go on writing or talking about it. i hate when i stop but there always comes a point when you say something, and you just know its the perfect ending.
so have you ever wondered why we have live journals? or not even just live journals but diarys or something? it all has to do with memory in my opinion. for example, when something really funny or something great happens and i dont wanna forget i put it in my journal and update about it. well im hoping you all have seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. pretty great movie. i wish i could have some memories erased from my mind.. i also wish i could remember everything i wanted to. if i could i would erase everything that makes me sad, everything i had thats gone now, and everything i know of in this world that sucks. but if i could pick a few memories to keep forever, it would most definantly be with the most important people to me. yeah my cousins and brothers. i would want to remember my childhood with them cause they make me the happiest person. lately has been pretty bad though, ever since february things have pretty much gone down hill. yeah. i miss her a lot. my best friend has been pretty occupied lately i guess. so ive been keeping myself busy too but once again change is coming in and im starting to think everything is gonna suck again. i dont know how to react to things like this. seriously relationships kinda suck and i dont want a boyfriend anytime soon. if i cant handle friendships, then forget it. i think that for now, i basically give up. so yeah, memory.. ive thought about a lot of old times lately. incase you didnt know, which i dont think many people have.. my grandmother is moving. probably going to be a really hard thing for me since i used to go over there every weekend until i was like 11. yeah well i dont adjust well to change. for example, when she sold our summer house, i still havnt gotten over it and just thinking about it can make me cry. when i was younger i used to tell my grandmother i was gonna live with her in that house cause i loved it so much. all my memories of my grandfather are in that house.. fuck. changes are really hard. people always tell me i think of change as a bad thing. sorry but i do. i know i do. but really, telling me that isnt gonna make me stop thinking it is. i cant change the way i feel or think. so much of my childhood kind of makes me sad. especially since im losing it. it really is hard to let things go. you always have them in the back of your head somewhere, because you never really forget things. or at least things that hurt you the most or mean the most to you. its weird to think that what happens now and from everything i remember now can all go away when im older. im afraid ill forget things, especially things i dont want to forget. memory can be kinda sad.. maybe it would be better to forget everything and start over. seems less painful to let things go if you have nothing to hold on to.
one thing i really love is when i get an idea in my mind and i can just go on writing or talking about it. i hate when i stop but there always comes a point when you say something, and you just know its the perfect ending.