Stuff...

[just_simply_me7]

So, I haven't posted in awhile...not because nothing's going on, but mostly because I had become too independent and somehow had it in my mind that I didn't need anyone. I knew I need people, but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't even feel like I needed God there for a little while...I felt like I was just going through the motions of life, wanting to be completely independent of anyone and anything that could hurt my heart, but at the same time I was pretending that I was leaning on God and some of you. I'm sorry for decieving you and myself in that way.
My heart's been out on the table in a few relationships for months and it's so hard to leave it there...so hard. I'm struggling guys. I'm struggling to keep it there. Part of me wants to leave it out there (the part known as "God's Truth") and at the same time, the fleshy part of me wants to pull it off the table as fast as I can and hide it forever. Satan sure knows where to attack me, but I'm making the decision to leave it there. I need your support and love now. You have all been so amazing and I know that I can trust you to walk with me in this.
God broke me tonight. It was much needed. I haven't curled up in the arms of my Abba (or in the arms of anyone else for that matter) in a really long time. I just cried...it felt so good. I needed to cry, to let all of my fears, anxieties, hurts, questions, anger, and everything else out...it was raw and uninhibited...it was gut wrenching and great all at the same time.
That's where I'm at. I love you all more than you'll ever know...even when I distance myself I'm still longing for you...please push through it with me. Please fight for me and with me. Thanks for listening and being here for me.