letting it out
I’m not a tool in your political agenda
I’m just a simple guy desperate for the right to truly be me
With out the fight, with out it having to fit in anyone’s political agenda
Wanting to loose the deep pain with in me that burns my skin and heart
Wanting to have a voice for all the deep secret cried out alone and afraid
I find myself unable to repress my feelings and pain about my gender anymore thus causing me to truly deal with it all which although a little painful but freeing. I’m finding as I deal with all my own inner pain and feelings about who I am I am also dealing with the hurt and anger that I have experienced from people around me. I find when ever your identity is considered off societies road map of what is accepted that you invoke pain, anger and fear while doing nothing but being even part of yourself. When a community feels fear and anger over what another community is doing to feel inside themselves they will fight back with anger and try to control the other community so they need not deal with there feelings. This is of course part of human nature , but we can’t let ourselves try to control and use people to ease our fears and make them fit into our political agenda. People are people not tools. People are not to be controlled and changed to fit into what someone else wants I’m sorry. If we fight for true freedom as a society we should up hold everyone’s right in a community to be who they are and do what they will as long as it hurts no one. And by hurt I don’t mean the discomfort some people feel when others don’t fallow there rules of what to think, feel, be and believe.
Issues that come up from angry feminists and others communities as well
- The whole angry passionate talk about why I should be proud and love my womanhood , my chest and want to act, dress and behave like a women.
- The big talk about all the work feminists have done to give women the right to express themselves outside of the old school gender roles and by feeling male and acting masculine I am undoing all that work and making it so that women can’t do certain things and still be fem and a women.
- Being told that I’m not allowed to feel/ act male because there isn’t just two genders and by me feeling that I belong to one I’m undoing all there work and I should not be male and help get rid of the whole gender system.
- The whole but you would make such a pretty women .
I have tried and I can’t and I shouldn’t be forced to try and feel something that I don’t. When all the girls around me where preying to go through puberty I was desperately preying that it wouldn’t happen to me. That the force in the world would hear my crys and let me stay a boi. I thought I was winning for some time because it happened so late to me and never every month. But it happened and I was angry and overcome with this pain and felt that if there was a force in this world that could hear my cries that they just didn’t care. I was a kid in a bathroom shall feeling like there whole world was going to be taken away from them. I could never tell anyone this pain when I was younger and that’s not right. I ended up hiding that it happened for some time because a part of me still thought I could wish it away and go back to being pre female puberty and just being the boi I always was.
Why does anyone think that they can’t be a fem or a women if someone else isn’t. You can do anything you want as a women and all the power to you. You don’t need to try and control others to feel proud of the things that make you feel like a women and your expression of your gender. At the same time give me the same right. I have always felt like a boi and I should be allowed to behave in the masculine manner that makes me feel good about me.
I agree that there are more. But I have the right to feel that I belong in a camp and express myself as a male. I do believe there is some Grey in me and that I’m likely between 3rd gender and bio male. But I’M DIFANITY NOT FEMALE and in a world where there is a binary why should I be forced into a box of social gender that does not fit me at all just because there might be a little Grey in me but not between male and female but between other and male. I fit in the male gender with the Grey in me. So let me express who I am in the social gender that I belong in. Many guys have that little bit of grey in them too.
I so don’t care. I wouldn’t feel that way. When I was fitter and still forced to have long hair that I tied back I felt the guy in me and felt good about the things that made me look more masculine and wanted to buff up even more and look more masculine and felt very sexy once I disobeyed my mother and cut all my hair off. When others saw a person that could be a cute female if only they dressed and acted like one I saw someone that could look very hot once they got buffed up more and looking more masculine. So when I get back in shape and buffed up again it will be to look masculine so bite me because what I want is what matters.
God I’m feeling really great after writing this. Yup you can do great therapy on yourself and let things go and feel better. Yay me