so I was ok. No pain. no tears. no nothing. but now i feel
so me and jack did our closeure today. Before it i felt nothing no pain nothing. I knew the end was comeing. I was prepared that she was likey not going to be able to get over the gender thing. I started prepareing myself the second she said "I feel like i'm in love with a man" just in case. She knew deep down that I would never be able to live with someone that needed to call me there gf there whole life and she beat the the shit of of herself for feeling like she needed to. I would have put up with it for a few months hopeing that she would have got her head around it. But then i would have started emotionaly moveing away from her and hateing her for it and hateing me for hateing her. I loved her enough to want to try and change, to just be a butch. She loved me enough to never let me try and i loved myself enough to know that I could never change no matter how much I ever loved someone. So in the end what can you do. Love them enough to let go. Love them enough to say everything that needs to be said. Love them enough to never regret loveing them. Which we have done. As much as the closure made the pain come and the tears i'm glad we did. With reen we never got closure. We never got to end it on our own account and that's why it killed me to leave someone addicted to coke. This will all be ok now. We got closure and i will never regret letting myself feel something and i will never regret loveing both of us enough to let her go and let myself go. Sometimes i wish i could be simple. Sometimes i wish I wasn't trans. sometimes i wish i wasn't gender queer about my sex and could fit into a box. sometimes i wish i didn't feel so much. Sometimes i wish i could just be normal and i know there isn't this normal people talk about. In all of this i remember how much i love me now. I remember all of me and everything i am able to feel and i don't want to be normal. I will heal form everything this world can toss at me but i would never heal from trying to change. So i say goodbye love. let you not hurt and let you know your forgiven and that i will never regret you.