Entry #1: June 12, 2009
The thoughts that went through my head as I walked through campus on the last day of finals...and on graduation day.
So…it’s the last day of classes, last day of undergrad education for today’s graduates, and my last day as a college junior before I re-enter campus as a college senior. I should be excited, really…I keep looking around campus at all the preparations for the graduation ceremony: the white chairs set up on several school campus gardens for the guests to sit down, the stage preparations for the speakers, the flower stands with various flower arrangements laid out on the tables, along with beautiful bouquets of red roses wrapped tightly in lavender-colored tissue paper and pink ginger leis to put around the graduates’ necks (at least for the graduates with families who are willing to dish out about $30 for one of those heavy leis; didn’t the graduate’s education cost them enough money already?). As I walk by all this preparation, I think to myself, this is all going to be set up this time next year…and it’s going to be for me. Next year, I’m going to be graduating. Next year is when I’ll run around with a camera in my hand and my friend will be running behind me trying to catch up as we both run to various spots on campus, donned in our graduation robes. With all luck, my relatives from Europe would be able to make the trip here just to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma. And I’m only a year away from all of this…I should be excited!
…so then…why am I not?
Is it because I feel as though I haven’t accomplished anything? That I haven’t gotten involved in anything on campus, that I haven’t been to any parties or on any random trips I shouldn’t be going on? Is it my pitiful GPA and the fact that I haven’t been able to raise it despite my hardest efforts, and that after this, I’ll only be able to raise it by a measly .1?
What has been my college experience up to now? All nighters before midterms and finals under the fluorescent light of the computer table at home, nights spent locked in my room by myself either watching television mindlessly or surfing the internet, and coming home early only to take care of my little brother. I never was able to go out much during the weekends because either I was needed at home while my dad took care of business outside or because my best friend was with her agricultural club somewhere far away.
What is my college experience going to be for the upcoming year? The same damn thing, except I would age a year.
Everyone I know is taking a year off after graduation before jumping into either law school or any other graduate school. Everyone’s going to go traveling, go away to an internship, or just…do something that involves being with their peers and being away from home. Some are doing this just for a break, and some are getting out there to try to figure out whether what they had in mind for their future is really the right choice.
What will I be doing after graduation? The same damn thing, except I would age a year and, God willing, have my work increase tenfold.
Maybe I am whining about this. I should be glad that I’ll be graduating from one of the best universities in the world, and I should be glad that it was easy for me. Perhaps I am taking my own situation for granted. But can you honestly blame me when my year ahead looks and feels so damn bleak?
So…it’s the last day of classes, last day of undergrad education for today’s graduates, and my last day as a college junior before I re-enter campus as a college senior. I should be excited, really…I keep looking around campus at all the preparations for the graduation ceremony: the white chairs set up on several school campus gardens for the guests to sit down, the stage preparations for the speakers, the flower stands with various flower arrangements laid out on the tables, along with beautiful bouquets of red roses wrapped tightly in lavender-colored tissue paper and pink ginger leis to put around the graduates’ necks (at least for the graduates with families who are willing to dish out about $30 for one of those heavy leis; didn’t the graduate’s education cost them enough money already?). As I walk by all this preparation, I think to myself, this is all going to be set up this time next year…and it’s going to be for me. Next year, I’m going to be graduating. Next year is when I’ll run around with a camera in my hand and my friend will be running behind me trying to catch up as we both run to various spots on campus, donned in our graduation robes. With all luck, my relatives from Europe would be able to make the trip here just to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma. And I’m only a year away from all of this…I should be excited!
…so then…why am I not?
Is it because I feel as though I haven’t accomplished anything? That I haven’t gotten involved in anything on campus, that I haven’t been to any parties or on any random trips I shouldn’t be going on? Is it my pitiful GPA and the fact that I haven’t been able to raise it despite my hardest efforts, and that after this, I’ll only be able to raise it by a measly .1?
What has been my college experience up to now? All nighters before midterms and finals under the fluorescent light of the computer table at home, nights spent locked in my room by myself either watching television mindlessly or surfing the internet, and coming home early only to take care of my little brother. I never was able to go out much during the weekends because either I was needed at home while my dad took care of business outside or because my best friend was with her agricultural club somewhere far away.
What is my college experience going to be for the upcoming year? The same damn thing, except I would age a year.
Everyone I know is taking a year off after graduation before jumping into either law school or any other graduate school. Everyone’s going to go traveling, go away to an internship, or just…do something that involves being with their peers and being away from home. Some are doing this just for a break, and some are getting out there to try to figure out whether what they had in mind for their future is really the right choice.
What will I be doing after graduation? The same damn thing, except I would age a year and, God willing, have my work increase tenfold.
Maybe I am whining about this. I should be glad that I’ll be graduating from one of the best universities in the world, and I should be glad that it was easy for me. Perhaps I am taking my own situation for granted. But can you honestly blame me when my year ahead looks and feels so damn bleak?