My New Year's Resolution.
It’s 3:44 am and I can’t sleep again. No particular reason tonight, had a nice relaxing day, saw some family. No anxiety. It was nice. However, being awake I thought it would be a good idea to at least be productive.
Therefore, before the fatigue sets in, I would like to present you my New Year’s resolution for 2008.
Although I know that New Year’s is still a few days away, I’ve figured out in the past few weeks what needs to be done on my part. The answer: express.
I don’t have the highest self-confidence and sometimes it’s hard for me to express myself without wanting to hit the delete button or scratch the chords to a verse I just spend three hours writing - everyone has these moments. However, I’ve come to realize that perhaps the only thing I have going for me is my writing and my constant need to express. I don’t excel beyond the average person in almost all categories, yet I still find it in me to pick up a new hobby or interest all the time. Perhaps, that’s one of the reasons I can’t sleep half the time - there’s just too much to do, yet so little time. However, tonight I was doing an outline for an idea for a short story that I dreamt of last night and it hit me. It doesn’t matter or it shouldn’t matter. People will always be critical of everything you do and people WILL ALWAYS disagree, but I’ve come to learn - you’re never going to be right and that’s the beauty of it all. I’ve also come to realize that I have some of the greatest friends and companions that anyone could ever ask for. Although, I know there is only few of you who actually understand how much writing and art means to me, at least your there to listen. Thank you and you know who you are.
I hope that from 2008 and on I can keep this promise to myself and continue to do it - no matter what. I’m not looking to be the next Stephen King or Bob Dylan - I’m looking to be me and perhaps this is just another stepping stone in that ever so tediously designed process. I appreciate the support from all of you and I hope I can grow the balls too put myself into public action instead of hiding in my room and feeling secure in my own little world - because we all need to take chances and that, my friends, is something I’ve never been good nor fond of. Nonetheless, it’s go time.
I’ll always think too much, I’ll always doubt myself and the world, but as long as I can keep finding ways to express it and expose it. I think I can stay sane.