Just a letter for a girl.
Dear girl,
You’re asleep at this very moment.
Dreaming.
I’m awake
,Yet dreaming
Of you.
I saw a picture of you tonight. I wasn’t expecting to come across such a thing, but I did. The smile on your faced brought a sharp pain too my chest and I began to think about everything. I began to think about how much I miss you. But then I thought about how wrong it is for me to even do this. We’re both older, more mature, moved on. You’re still beautiful, no gorgeous - your brunette hair, sometimes I swear when someone walks past I can smell that sweet strawberry scent that your hair lets off. But it’s never you. Always an imposter.
You’d look up at me
Your eyes telling me you loved me -
Your eyes...
I started thinking about the things we’d done, not really specific details, more like remembering moments that have been frozen still in time. I remember the look you’d give me when I did something that revolted you, yet made you laugh at the same time. I still remember the way you looked when you slept next to me, all snuggled up in the blankets. I remember our countless crazy sexual encounters in the most random places, you still turn me on. I’ve forgotten one thing though. What it’s like to actually touch you or kiss you. I try and sometimes I spend hours focusing on one kiss with you, but I just can’t seem to remember what it feels like. Even when I hug you now it’s not the same. He’s still in the back of my mind.
I can still see you two
Hugging and holding hands
And I stood in a crowd of people all alone
He’s not a bad guy; he’s easily a better lover than I could ever be. I’m fucked, plus I had my chance and completely blew it. I said horrible things that made you upset and even though you tell me its ok, I know it’s not. I’d do anything to go back in time, like go back to prom night and we’d never be apart. I remember when we talked about marrying each other and spending the rest of our lives together, it seemed so ridiculous, but now it scares me because I feel the same way again.
Just the look you give me
Is enough to make the pain go away
I can’t try and ignore it all, it hurts too much and it heightens my anxiety to the point that it feels as if my whole chest is going to vacate my body. I’ve come close to throwing up when I think of you sometimes, not because I despise you, but because I love you so much. I know. You don’t need to say it, it’s impossible and you’re in love with someone else. I respect that and I would never want to come between you two (well maybe that’s a bit of an understatement), nonetheless I just want you to be happy.
Remember the walks
Coffee talks
I’ve never told you this or admitted it, but you’re one of the strongest people I know. The shit you’ve been through would make any average person insane, including me. I tried to be there, but I never really knew what to say or do and then afterwards I’d think of something and it already be too late. Sort of like this letter. I dream about you. All the time. Last night I had a dream that you were torn between me and an other guy and the other guy killed me and you hardly blinked. Put a bullet right through my forehead. I saw you at my funeral crying and then I woke up sweating and scared, not scared because I had just been murdered in a dream, but scared because I had lost you for good. I didn’t really sleep well after that.
I once saw two people holding hands
They were doing everything so perfectly
But we would have done it better.
I don’t think I’m crazy, I think a lot of people get these thoughts. I just need to let this out. I’m an extrovert when it comes to certain things, expression being one of them. I miss you and I love you. And I always will and maybe one day, we’ll be together again. But until then, all of this is nothing but a letter to a girl.
I’ll never really be the same
Apart of me will always be yours
It’s for one simple reason
You can see right through me -
But baby - I’m locked out.
Love,
The Loser.
You’re asleep at this very moment.
Dreaming.
I’m awake
,Yet dreaming
Of you.
I saw a picture of you tonight. I wasn’t expecting to come across such a thing, but I did. The smile on your faced brought a sharp pain too my chest and I began to think about everything. I began to think about how much I miss you. But then I thought about how wrong it is for me to even do this. We’re both older, more mature, moved on. You’re still beautiful, no gorgeous - your brunette hair, sometimes I swear when someone walks past I can smell that sweet strawberry scent that your hair lets off. But it’s never you. Always an imposter.
You’d look up at me
Your eyes telling me you loved me -
Your eyes...
I started thinking about the things we’d done, not really specific details, more like remembering moments that have been frozen still in time. I remember the look you’d give me when I did something that revolted you, yet made you laugh at the same time. I still remember the way you looked when you slept next to me, all snuggled up in the blankets. I remember our countless crazy sexual encounters in the most random places, you still turn me on. I’ve forgotten one thing though. What it’s like to actually touch you or kiss you. I try and sometimes I spend hours focusing on one kiss with you, but I just can’t seem to remember what it feels like. Even when I hug you now it’s not the same. He’s still in the back of my mind.
I can still see you two
Hugging and holding hands
And I stood in a crowd of people all alone
He’s not a bad guy; he’s easily a better lover than I could ever be. I’m fucked, plus I had my chance and completely blew it. I said horrible things that made you upset and even though you tell me its ok, I know it’s not. I’d do anything to go back in time, like go back to prom night and we’d never be apart. I remember when we talked about marrying each other and spending the rest of our lives together, it seemed so ridiculous, but now it scares me because I feel the same way again.
Just the look you give me
Is enough to make the pain go away
I can’t try and ignore it all, it hurts too much and it heightens my anxiety to the point that it feels as if my whole chest is going to vacate my body. I’ve come close to throwing up when I think of you sometimes, not because I despise you, but because I love you so much. I know. You don’t need to say it, it’s impossible and you’re in love with someone else. I respect that and I would never want to come between you two (well maybe that’s a bit of an understatement), nonetheless I just want you to be happy.
Remember the walks
Coffee talks
I’ve never told you this or admitted it, but you’re one of the strongest people I know. The shit you’ve been through would make any average person insane, including me. I tried to be there, but I never really knew what to say or do and then afterwards I’d think of something and it already be too late. Sort of like this letter. I dream about you. All the time. Last night I had a dream that you were torn between me and an other guy and the other guy killed me and you hardly blinked. Put a bullet right through my forehead. I saw you at my funeral crying and then I woke up sweating and scared, not scared because I had just been murdered in a dream, but scared because I had lost you for good. I didn’t really sleep well after that.
I once saw two people holding hands
They were doing everything so perfectly
But we would have done it better.
I don’t think I’m crazy, I think a lot of people get these thoughts. I just need to let this out. I’m an extrovert when it comes to certain things, expression being one of them. I miss you and I love you. And I always will and maybe one day, we’ll be together again. But until then, all of this is nothing but a letter to a girl.
I’ll never really be the same
Apart of me will always be yours
It’s for one simple reason
You can see right through me -
But baby - I’m locked out.
Love,
The Loser.