fic: not a happy ending (1/1) - regina & emma
Title: Not a happy ending
Author: just_liv
Rating: T
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters/ Pairings: Regina Mills, Emma Swan (Swan Queen)
Words: 12,874
Disclaimer: Not a single ownership was given.
Summary: It's silly really, to think that The Evil Queen will be vanquished by nothing more than a small little thing, a tiny spot. A betrayal of her own body. Melanoma. Stage four.
Warning: Angst MUCH!
***
This is not supposed to be how it ends.
It doesn’t make sense. Not considering all the things they’ve been through, or who they really are (a secret they share, a past they have left behind).
Regina never expected a happy ending. Well, that’s not entirely truth. She did once.
Once upon a time…
When she was young and naïve and so very much in love.
His name was Daniel and the only thing she has left of him now is a bittersweet memory of all the things that could have been, but never were. That, and the darkness that consumed her after losing him and losing herself in the process.
It took 28 years, a curse and a savior until Regina could finally find some happiness again.
And she did. Or, come to think about it, happiness found her.
And it’s different from anything she’s ever imagined or dreamed of.
This life that she has now is not perfect, far from it really. It’s loud and crowded in a two-store house not nearly big enough for their teenage son’s long limbs and his inherited clumsiness, or his mother’s appalling collection of boots and leather jackets and all the babbling and laughter of the two little ones.
It’s fights about whose turn it is to do the dishes, to pleeease turn the TV down, eat your peas, don’t pull your sister’s hair, use your own words (thanks for that Miss Swan. You’re very welcome your Majesty), can you pick up the kids from school today, guess what? your son doesn’t seem to find necessary to go to college, why are you so impossible? why are you so uptight? shush, you’ll wake up the kids. no tv until you do your chores, why did you let them stay up until late? don’t talk to your mother in that tone young lady, did you give them sugar before dinner again? how many times do I have to repeat myself? why do you always make me look like the bad guy? maybe I should go to the PTA’s meeting this time, why? and Emma’s restrained smile when she admits the possibility you might be somewhat of an intimidating figure for your daughter’s second grade teacher and then you just throw one of the pillows at her because how is it possible for someone to be endearing and completely maddening at the same time?
No, her life is not perfect. Nor is her house, her marriage, her children and especially not herself. She could never be, not when The Evil Queen will always be part of her past.
But Regina has come to terms with that. It took her a long time and hard work, and fights, and tears and breaking things and makeup sex and whispered apologies in the midst of moisten kisses and hiccups in the darkness of their room, in the softness of their bed, in the middle of the night.
Words pressed against her skin by soft lips until they finally poured into her heart.
Happiness has finally found Regina.
And it’s nothing like she expected it to be. But only because is so much better.
Because is not perfect but it is real. And now, now she just can’t seem to let go.
And once again, as so much in her life for so long, there’s nothing she can really do about it.
It’s cruel and definite.
It’s a familiar feeling, to be at the end of the abyss so completely aware of the inevitable downfall. Only this time is infinitely worse because where before there was just the idea of what she was about to lose, possibilities and expectations, now it’s losing everything she knows and holds dear.
It makes her want to scream, to run, to cast a curse and stop time. Again.
And yet she wouldn’t dare to do any of those things. Not anymore. Not this Regina.
Because there’s happiness in her life.
Something to hold on to. Something to ground her. All the people she loves and the feeling of being loved by them. Her teenage son who no longer looks at her like she’s some villain, just mom, and who is embarrassed to be kissed by her in public, but not enough to be spoiled whenever he has the flu. There are her beautiful children who look at her with nothing but love and trust and sometimes annoyance because of course she would be the bad cop when it comes to their education. And there’s her gorgeous wife who gives her coffee-tasted kisses in the morning and never leaves the house without pressing ‘I love you’ against her lips.
Her family.
And all of that (them) is so much more than she believed to deserve. Much more than she’s thought to be possible, after all those years and all those tears.
Sitting in an uncomfortable chair at the doctor’s office, unable to breathe, to even move when the man in front of her delivers her greatest fear through dry words, Regina can’t help but be stunned by the realization that this is the end of the line.
Much to her surprise it’s not a curse that will stop her from seeing the smile on her children’s faces for much longer or waking up another day by the side of the savior (her savior).
No. It won’t be magic; black or white. Or the actions of revenge of the enemies she has left behind, in another life.
She almost feels like laughing (the hysterical, desperate kind of laughter that bubbles in your throat leaving a bitter taste in your mouth) just because it’s silly really, to think that The Evil Queen will be vanquished by nothing more than a small little thing, a tiny spot. A betrayal of her own body.
Melanoma. Stage four.
Perhaps that is her doing after all. The blackness that possessed her heart for so long, making a stand over her body, claiming it back.
And there’s not much Regina actually hears after the words have been spoken, just glimpses of technical details she cares little about and the one thing she does: how long she has left.
Six months, maybe a year. It’s hard to say.
It breaks her heart in ways she didn’t believe to be possible, in ways no heart could ever survive, simply because all she can think about is: there’s not enough time.
It’s too much.
Certainly more than she can handle at once, and all of a sudden Regina needs air, and solitude, because the tears are coming and she was never one to shed them in front of strangers.
The doctor shows some concern about her abrupt urgency to departure. Regina merely mumbles a paltry excuse while reaching for the nearest exit. Outside, on the hallway, heart pounding and eyes closed, she hears a voice talking to her. The nurse asks if there’s anyone she can call, a family member perhaps.
Regina thinks about her family and swallows whole a sob.
There’s no need, she hears herself saying using the imperious voice that once belonged to a mayor in a small city lost in Maine. A voice she hasn’t used in a very long time.
Outside the building, the wind is cold, even though the Sun is high in the sky. The sounds of the city hit Regina all at once and for a short moment all she can do is observe as people around her keep going with their lives.
Like absolutely nothing has changed.
It’s a sunny day in Boston.
And then her cell phone rings inside her purse and reality regains speed. Through the phone’s display she recognizes Emma’s name and immediately Regina brings the device to her ear.
The one thing she needs now is to listen to her wife’s voice.
Then she’ll know what to do.
.::.
To continue: Fanfiction.net | AO3
Author: just_liv
Rating: T
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters/ Pairings: Regina Mills, Emma Swan (Swan Queen)
Words: 12,874
Disclaimer: Not a single ownership was given.
Summary: It's silly really, to think that The Evil Queen will be vanquished by nothing more than a small little thing, a tiny spot. A betrayal of her own body. Melanoma. Stage four.
Warning: Angst MUCH!
***
This is not supposed to be how it ends.
It doesn’t make sense. Not considering all the things they’ve been through, or who they really are (a secret they share, a past they have left behind).
Regina never expected a happy ending. Well, that’s not entirely truth. She did once.
Once upon a time…
When she was young and naïve and so very much in love.
His name was Daniel and the only thing she has left of him now is a bittersweet memory of all the things that could have been, but never were. That, and the darkness that consumed her after losing him and losing herself in the process.
It took 28 years, a curse and a savior until Regina could finally find some happiness again.
And she did. Or, come to think about it, happiness found her.
And it’s different from anything she’s ever imagined or dreamed of.
This life that she has now is not perfect, far from it really. It’s loud and crowded in a two-store house not nearly big enough for their teenage son’s long limbs and his inherited clumsiness, or his mother’s appalling collection of boots and leather jackets and all the babbling and laughter of the two little ones.
It’s fights about whose turn it is to do the dishes, to pleeease turn the TV down, eat your peas, don’t pull your sister’s hair, use your own words (thanks for that Miss Swan. You’re very welcome your Majesty), can you pick up the kids from school today, guess what? your son doesn’t seem to find necessary to go to college, why are you so impossible? why are you so uptight? shush, you’ll wake up the kids. no tv until you do your chores, why did you let them stay up until late? don’t talk to your mother in that tone young lady, did you give them sugar before dinner again? how many times do I have to repeat myself? why do you always make me look like the bad guy? maybe I should go to the PTA’s meeting this time, why? and Emma’s restrained smile when she admits the possibility you might be somewhat of an intimidating figure for your daughter’s second grade teacher and then you just throw one of the pillows at her because how is it possible for someone to be endearing and completely maddening at the same time?
No, her life is not perfect. Nor is her house, her marriage, her children and especially not herself. She could never be, not when The Evil Queen will always be part of her past.
But Regina has come to terms with that. It took her a long time and hard work, and fights, and tears and breaking things and makeup sex and whispered apologies in the midst of moisten kisses and hiccups in the darkness of their room, in the softness of their bed, in the middle of the night.
Words pressed against her skin by soft lips until they finally poured into her heart.
Happiness has finally found Regina.
And it’s nothing like she expected it to be. But only because is so much better.
Because is not perfect but it is real. And now, now she just can’t seem to let go.
And once again, as so much in her life for so long, there’s nothing she can really do about it.
It’s cruel and definite.
It’s a familiar feeling, to be at the end of the abyss so completely aware of the inevitable downfall. Only this time is infinitely worse because where before there was just the idea of what she was about to lose, possibilities and expectations, now it’s losing everything she knows and holds dear.
It makes her want to scream, to run, to cast a curse and stop time. Again.
And yet she wouldn’t dare to do any of those things. Not anymore. Not this Regina.
Because there’s happiness in her life.
Something to hold on to. Something to ground her. All the people she loves and the feeling of being loved by them. Her teenage son who no longer looks at her like she’s some villain, just mom, and who is embarrassed to be kissed by her in public, but not enough to be spoiled whenever he has the flu. There are her beautiful children who look at her with nothing but love and trust and sometimes annoyance because of course she would be the bad cop when it comes to their education. And there’s her gorgeous wife who gives her coffee-tasted kisses in the morning and never leaves the house without pressing ‘I love you’ against her lips.
Her family.
And all of that (them) is so much more than she believed to deserve. Much more than she’s thought to be possible, after all those years and all those tears.
Sitting in an uncomfortable chair at the doctor’s office, unable to breathe, to even move when the man in front of her delivers her greatest fear through dry words, Regina can’t help but be stunned by the realization that this is the end of the line.
Much to her surprise it’s not a curse that will stop her from seeing the smile on her children’s faces for much longer or waking up another day by the side of the savior (her savior).
No. It won’t be magic; black or white. Or the actions of revenge of the enemies she has left behind, in another life.
She almost feels like laughing (the hysterical, desperate kind of laughter that bubbles in your throat leaving a bitter taste in your mouth) just because it’s silly really, to think that The Evil Queen will be vanquished by nothing more than a small little thing, a tiny spot. A betrayal of her own body.
Melanoma. Stage four.
Perhaps that is her doing after all. The blackness that possessed her heart for so long, making a stand over her body, claiming it back.
And there’s not much Regina actually hears after the words have been spoken, just glimpses of technical details she cares little about and the one thing she does: how long she has left.
Six months, maybe a year. It’s hard to say.
It breaks her heart in ways she didn’t believe to be possible, in ways no heart could ever survive, simply because all she can think about is: there’s not enough time.
It’s too much.
Certainly more than she can handle at once, and all of a sudden Regina needs air, and solitude, because the tears are coming and she was never one to shed them in front of strangers.
The doctor shows some concern about her abrupt urgency to departure. Regina merely mumbles a paltry excuse while reaching for the nearest exit. Outside, on the hallway, heart pounding and eyes closed, she hears a voice talking to her. The nurse asks if there’s anyone she can call, a family member perhaps.
Regina thinks about her family and swallows whole a sob.
There’s no need, she hears herself saying using the imperious voice that once belonged to a mayor in a small city lost in Maine. A voice she hasn’t used in a very long time.
Outside the building, the wind is cold, even though the Sun is high in the sky. The sounds of the city hit Regina all at once and for a short moment all she can do is observe as people around her keep going with their lives.
Like absolutely nothing has changed.
It’s a sunny day in Boston.
And then her cell phone rings inside her purse and reality regains speed. Through the phone’s display she recognizes Emma’s name and immediately Regina brings the device to her ear.
The one thing she needs now is to listen to her wife’s voice.
Then she’ll know what to do.
.::.
To continue: Fanfiction.net | AO3