(no subject)
191 calls today. all while having a horrible headache, feeling like a nervous breakdown and talking to a friend on lastfm via shoutbox all afternoon. damn i'm good.
had a nice talk with my mom on the way home tonight. possibly going back on medication. found out i can skip the re-diagnosis and therapy sessions if i go to my family doctor. i'm not sure if i really want to do that yet, despite the fact i could probably gain from it. i hate that life is the best it's been for me in 7 months and while i'm happy, i'm still always feeling like something's not right. i thought i had this under control. i'm so afraid of things going back to how i used to be...it was a living hell that i thought i'd put behind me. guess you can only go so long before shit starts catching back up to you. i dont know. i think i'll wait a week or two, see if i'm feeling any better and if not, at least give medication an honest second attempt before i swear it off forever. i'm just sick of stupid shit bothering me when there's no reason for it. i'm sick of waking up in the morning wishing i could stay in bed and forget the world exists sometimes.
anyhow, i might have re-figured my path for this summer. i think i'm going to mix up the order in which i originally planned on visiting people. if seth is able to go with me, here's what the new order is possibly going to be:
stop at Coley's on the way to Vermont. spend friday and friday night with her. leave early Saturday morning (not as much time as i had planned, but there are a couple things that i really want to do on this trip and i might not be able to accomplish it otherwise. besides, i'll be living up north soon anyhow which will give me much more time to spend with her) and drive up to Vermont. stay until Monday morning. leave early Monday morning and head over to Janine's in Highland Mills. spend a day/night there. leave sometime on Tuesday. i'm debating if i want to backtrack and just visit Scott in Ohio first. stay a day/night there, then spend the rest of my time in Jamestown with Chuckie. if i do it that way, it's more time i get to spend with him and i can possibly go see AFI. which i REALLY REALLY want to go see. then from there we can just drive home. yeah, i think i might do it that way. then i get everything i want to do/see done. i have a few extra days i can spend. my parents are coming back on a thursday/friday i think. i dont want to come back until Sunday night. i want the few extra days. get back sometime Sunday evening, probably go right to sleep unless i sleep in the car and wake up for work Monday morning. i should get in touch with everyone and see if that works for them. i feel bad cutting time with people short, but...it's AFI. and i think that's the only way i can make it work. besides, like i said, i'll be moving up there soon anyhow.
Larry called me last night. havent heard from him since he left almost 2 months ago. he's considering moving to NY with me. says he's running out of reasons to stay in Chicago but hates FL as badly as i do. i really hope he goes through with it. wether or not i have a place to stay, i'm still moving. but it'd be nice to know i have someone who can for sure get a place with me and whatnot. plus it'd make my parents feel a lot better about me leaving as well.
life's looking great right now.
as soon as i can shake this pit of helplessness i'm in, i think it'd be safe to say i absolutely love life.
had a nice talk with my mom on the way home tonight. possibly going back on medication. found out i can skip the re-diagnosis and therapy sessions if i go to my family doctor. i'm not sure if i really want to do that yet, despite the fact i could probably gain from it. i hate that life is the best it's been for me in 7 months and while i'm happy, i'm still always feeling like something's not right. i thought i had this under control. i'm so afraid of things going back to how i used to be...it was a living hell that i thought i'd put behind me. guess you can only go so long before shit starts catching back up to you. i dont know. i think i'll wait a week or two, see if i'm feeling any better and if not, at least give medication an honest second attempt before i swear it off forever. i'm just sick of stupid shit bothering me when there's no reason for it. i'm sick of waking up in the morning wishing i could stay in bed and forget the world exists sometimes.
anyhow, i might have re-figured my path for this summer. i think i'm going to mix up the order in which i originally planned on visiting people. if seth is able to go with me, here's what the new order is possibly going to be:
stop at Coley's on the way to Vermont. spend friday and friday night with her. leave early Saturday morning (not as much time as i had planned, but there are a couple things that i really want to do on this trip and i might not be able to accomplish it otherwise. besides, i'll be living up north soon anyhow which will give me much more time to spend with her) and drive up to Vermont. stay until Monday morning. leave early Monday morning and head over to Janine's in Highland Mills. spend a day/night there. leave sometime on Tuesday. i'm debating if i want to backtrack and just visit Scott in Ohio first. stay a day/night there, then spend the rest of my time in Jamestown with Chuckie. if i do it that way, it's more time i get to spend with him and i can possibly go see AFI. which i REALLY REALLY want to go see. then from there we can just drive home. yeah, i think i might do it that way. then i get everything i want to do/see done. i have a few extra days i can spend. my parents are coming back on a thursday/friday i think. i dont want to come back until Sunday night. i want the few extra days. get back sometime Sunday evening, probably go right to sleep unless i sleep in the car and wake up for work Monday morning. i should get in touch with everyone and see if that works for them. i feel bad cutting time with people short, but...it's AFI. and i think that's the only way i can make it work. besides, like i said, i'll be moving up there soon anyhow.
Larry called me last night. havent heard from him since he left almost 2 months ago. he's considering moving to NY with me. says he's running out of reasons to stay in Chicago but hates FL as badly as i do. i really hope he goes through with it. wether or not i have a place to stay, i'm still moving. but it'd be nice to know i have someone who can for sure get a place with me and whatnot. plus it'd make my parents feel a lot better about me leaving as well.
life's looking great right now.
as soon as i can shake this pit of helplessness i'm in, i think it'd be safe to say i absolutely love life.