telling the grandparents
the disclosure with the paternal grandparents ended up going really well. it was a long day. i finished the post that i made, left the house and headed to my home town. i had to go pay my car insurance, so i decided to do that first. on my way to the insurace place, i drove by my maternal grandfather's cemetary and bursted into tears.
after i paid the insurance, i decided that i woudl go to see him first. i figured that atleast he wouldnt be able to talk back ;-) so after sitting on the ground in the cemetary crying for like 20 minutes, i drove to my maternal grandmother's house. she knows but we havent spoken about it. and i have just not visited since january. that went well. she asned me a few questions. she said "why did you decide to 'change'. my reply was about not feeling happy with my body and how right things feel now. and then she said but you didnt seem that way as a young girl, you seemed happy. my reply was that i was trying hard to be who i was raised to be and that i didnt have the words or knowledge to really describe what i was feeling inside. she seemed to comtemplate that response and didnt say anything else about it.
i told her i had to go tell memere and pepere and she said "i think memere already knows" which means "i told her but told her not to tell you i told her, but im not sure what she will say about it."
while i was with memere and pepere, we didnt relay talk about me much. i mostly heard about how awful francona is doing with the redsox and the plight my grandfather had with his heart scare/lung surgery. and about how he works one day a week for the german club in pawtuckt and is amember even though he is french. he said he was looking forward to the beer they planned to get for octoberfest. when he left the room i asked my memere if she really knew what was going on with me and she said "well yes, your not the first person in the world to do this." but then she started telling me about other people in the family that "are like that". so i didnt really think she understood. i tried again explained the name change, asked her if she knew i had had surgery(she knew) told her that i live my daily life as a man. and again she just said "well your not the first. and your still our first grandschild." i asked her if pepere knew and she said yes, and i said not about my sexuality about my being transgender and she said i think so.
so when he came back, i decided to just start talking. i pured my heart out to them. why i hadnt been around. why i didnt come to see him in the hospital. how i thought they wouldnt want me in their lives anymore. that i was scared how they would react. all of that.
when i was done they just said "(birthname) we still love you, you are still our grandchild"... then followed it with can you beleive that moron left matsuzaka in the game for 5 innings pitching like that?
and the moment was over. they are not very emotional people. but they acknowledged me and said that they accepted me. and they didnt really ask any questions. so i concider it successful. when that was all over i went straight to a therapy session that i had arranged while i was driving to somerset. because i knew that i was going to need it when i was done.
it was a VERRRYYYY long day. very emotionally draining. but in the end. it was done. and as much as i hate to admit it. kolby was right, and i am glad that it is over.
after i paid the insurance, i decided that i woudl go to see him first. i figured that atleast he wouldnt be able to talk back ;-) so after sitting on the ground in the cemetary crying for like 20 minutes, i drove to my maternal grandmother's house. she knows but we havent spoken about it. and i have just not visited since january. that went well. she asned me a few questions. she said "why did you decide to 'change'. my reply was about not feeling happy with my body and how right things feel now. and then she said but you didnt seem that way as a young girl, you seemed happy. my reply was that i was trying hard to be who i was raised to be and that i didnt have the words or knowledge to really describe what i was feeling inside. she seemed to comtemplate that response and didnt say anything else about it.
i told her i had to go tell memere and pepere and she said "i think memere already knows" which means "i told her but told her not to tell you i told her, but im not sure what she will say about it."
while i was with memere and pepere, we didnt relay talk about me much. i mostly heard about how awful francona is doing with the redsox and the plight my grandfather had with his heart scare/lung surgery. and about how he works one day a week for the german club in pawtuckt and is amember even though he is french. he said he was looking forward to the beer they planned to get for octoberfest. when he left the room i asked my memere if she really knew what was going on with me and she said "well yes, your not the first person in the world to do this." but then she started telling me about other people in the family that "are like that". so i didnt really think she understood. i tried again explained the name change, asked her if she knew i had had surgery(she knew) told her that i live my daily life as a man. and again she just said "well your not the first. and your still our first grandschild." i asked her if pepere knew and she said yes, and i said not about my sexuality about my being transgender and she said i think so.
so when he came back, i decided to just start talking. i pured my heart out to them. why i hadnt been around. why i didnt come to see him in the hospital. how i thought they wouldnt want me in their lives anymore. that i was scared how they would react. all of that.
when i was done they just said "(birthname) we still love you, you are still our grandchild"... then followed it with can you beleive that moron left matsuzaka in the game for 5 innings pitching like that?
and the moment was over. they are not very emotional people. but they acknowledged me and said that they accepted me. and they didnt really ask any questions. so i concider it successful. when that was all over i went straight to a therapy session that i had arranged while i was driving to somerset. because i knew that i was going to need it when i was done.
it was a VERRRYYYY long day. very emotionally draining. but in the end. it was done. and as much as i hate to admit it. kolby was right, and i am glad that it is over.