Fic: Decision
Title: Decision
Author: wanderingjasper
Rating: PG13/FRT
Characters: Prentiss, JJ,
Word Count: 1456
Themes: Angst, friendship, gen, abortion.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do take liberties with them for no financial gain.
Summary: For the CM Prompt Meme R1: The Ladies. 7 months after Henry is born, JJ finds out she is pregnant again. Knowing she's not ready for another baby, she confides in Prentiss who supports her through the process of a termination.
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The clinic waiting room was clean and bright and familiar; JJ had been there several times in the past for birth control, for pap smears and for maternity care. The difference was that this time walking pasting the small throng of protesters outside with their signs about baby killers and lost children and various bible verses actually got to her. It had been easy to dismiss them before, because she wasn’t going for any of the services they objected so strongly too, although they weren’t really keen on birth control either. But on this occasion she knew what she was going to do, and their assumptions were right. Prentiss had squeezed her hand and ignored the protesters entirely.
“You never asked me if I was sure,” JJ said without looking at Emily, looking at her hands instead as they sat in a corner of the waiting room away from any of the other waiting patients.
“What?”
“When I told you I was pregnant and I’d booked an abortion. You didn’t ask me if I was sure.”
“I’m a profiler.” Prentiss shrugged minutely. “If I’d thought you were conflicted I would have asked, but you seemed sure of your decision. Your nerves seemed to be about confiding in me and asking for support, not in the choice you made. Asking you if I thought you were sure when I knew you were might have seemed like a subtle attempt to imply I didn’t agree with your decision.”
“Do you? Agree?” JJ looked around at her friend, who smiled kindly.
“I agree with whatever choice is right for you, JJ.”
“Right.” She nodded. She knew she didn’t require her friend’s approval, and her disapproval wouldn’t have changed her mind, but in that moment in the waiting room it was comforting to know the choice she was making wasn’t being doubted.
“Can I ask you something, JJ?” Emily said quietly, and the blonde nodded. “Why haven’t you told Will? Doesn’t he agree with abortion?”
“Everyone else’s he’s fine with,” she said, pushing her hair behind her ear, “I just think when it’s his he might not be okay. And he’d try to be, but it can already be difficult sometimes, with work, I don’t want another reason that can be used in an argument when we don’t mean what we say, but still end up hurting each other.”
Emily nodded, kind smile still in place for her friend who was smoothing down the wrinkles of her pant legs.
“When I found out I was pregnant with Henry I considered getting an abortion,” she admitted, looking to Prentiss to see her reaction. She didn’t miss the look that clearly indicated she wasn’t that surprised. “I mean I’m glad I didn’t because I love my son, but I did not see myself getting pregnant. And I was terrified, and Will was so happy. Why can’t the guy get pregnant? That would have made things so much easier.”
Prentiss laughed softly, reaching out to grasp her friend’s fingers with her own, stroking her thumb over the woman’s hand.
“But I mean I really considered it. I was careless, getting pregnant was an accident. This time too, I got so used to not taking the pill while I was pregnant I keep forgetting.”
It had already been made clear that Prentiss had no judgement for her, but she still found herself wanting to explain, to share with someone.
“I love my job, and it’s hard enough to work around Henry. I can’t have another kid.”
“Ms Jareau?”
Both women looked up at the sound of the name being called by a female doctor at the end of the corridor. JJ started to get up, straightening her shirt.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Prentiss asked.
“Yes.” JJ nodded quickly.
The doctor was kind and friendly, not passing comment on Emily's presence nor assuming their relationship as they went into a small office and were then directed straight to a small private bathroom so JJ could take a pregnancy test. They sat in front of the office desk and the doctor asked routines questions about JJ’s health while they waited for the test result. It was positive as expected, and the doctor talked about the options available, but quickly gauged that JJ’s choice was set. There were diagrams of anatomy she knew well as the doctor talked about medication and the procedure of a termination.
Emily was allowed into the procedure room with her and gently held and stroked her hand as they listened to the doctor explain the procedure again and offer her extra medication to relax her. Without hesitation she declined; JJ felt calmer than she had at her first prenatal appointment.
The actual aspiration portion of the procedure took less than ten minutes of the half hour they were in the operating room, the rest of the time towards allowing medications to work and dilate the cervix to allow the procedure to be performed. She started to get the cramping pain she’d been warned about towards the end, but squeezing Prentiss’ hand wasn’t a direct response to the discomfort, but to the realisation that she was glad for the pain because it was proof of success of the procedure; she wasn’t pregnant any longer.
In the recovery room full of padded chairs and blood pressure cuffs she let a nurse take her blood pressure and talk to her about post-abortion counselling that was available but she felt no need for. When the nurse left her to recover Emily pressed a small bag of cheetos into her hand and JJ couldn’t help but grin.
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” Prentiss said as she took one from the offered open pack. “You feeling okay?”
“Much better,” she said despite the discomfort, because the panic and dread of coping with another pregnancy were gone. “Thanks for coming with me.”
Prentiss put a reassuring hand on her knee, smiling at her. JJ let her eyes wander; there was a lot more eye contact than the waiting room; the few seconds of silent understanding of each other’s emotions passing between strangers; JJ saw her relief reflected back at her multiple times. Letting out a breath she felt like she’d been holding since she realised she had been pregnant, she leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes briefly, listening to the far-off bustling and the crinkle of the cheeto packet in her hand as Prentiss took another.