Fanfic: Concept [Criminal Minds]
Title: Concept
Author: wanderingjasper
Rating: NC17
Characters: Morgan/Reid
Word Count: 3980
Themes: Sex, angst.
Warnings: Explicit sex, references to childhood sexual abuse.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do take liberties with them for no financial gain.
Notes: References previous fics, can standalone if you just want smut. Small spoilers for s5.
Summary: A third time they collide; Reid speaks, Morgan refuses to listen.
“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” - Emil Ludwig
It happened under circumstances so similar yet so different to the first time. It was after a case again, and another ride home offered by a friend, but this time after a case that was most definitely a success; a serial arsonist apprehended before his body count peaked over five. The two men had both set aside the previous encounter they’d had and were back on form, banter induced by a rather hilarious trip and stumble of an entrance into the bullpen on Reid’s part the previous day.
They were both laughing in the car as Morgan parked up outside Reid’s apartment building, and when Morgan leant across and kissed him mid-laugh Reid didn’t resist for even a second, giggles passing as he sunk into the kiss. This time they didn’t need words to confirm; Morgan ended up in Reid’s apartment a few minutes later and the younger man was stripping him of his shirt, peppering kisses along his exposed shoulder. Morgan did the same, and they tried to maintain a kiss as they both slipped off their shoes with little success.
They kissed their way to Reid’s bedroom, where the light of the evening poured in through the window. Spencer undid Morgan’s belt and pushed his trousers from his hips, and ran his hands up the man’s side as their kiss deepened, tongues snaking around each other.
“What do you want?” Morgan breathed. Reid cupped the man’s hardness through the fabric of his boxers. “Oh, I see.” He grinned against the rosy lips.
Reid wasn’t sure he did understand what he wanted, so without words he showed him by pulling down his boxers, waiting for him to step out of those and his socks before he nudged the man back, and down into the sofa chair that stood by the bed. Carefully he got on his knees between the older man’s legs, grazing his eyes over Morgan’s straining erection.
“I’ve never done this before.” Reid said.
“Just don’t use too much teeth and you’ll do fine.” A laugh rumbled up from Morgan’s chest, as Reid ran his hand along the length of Morgan’s shaft. It was hot and hard in his hand, and looked much bigger up close than it had appeared the last time he’d encountered it. Reid’s other hand, which had been braced on Morgan’s thigh, took his smooth heavy balls into his hand. He was familiar enough with his own to have a good idea of what Morgan could like, and his rolled the sacks around, stimulating the organs within. Morgan gave an appreciative groan.
The man was clearly relaxed, and happy to let Reid take his time between his knees, fascinated with the way the dark foreskin moved with the motion of his fist. He possessed an encyclopaedic knowledge of human anatomy, and that included the penis, so as he stroked his brain mapped out where the most nerve endings were, where the most delicate skin was, which muscles were filled with blood. He knew, in theory, where the best places to put his hands and mouth would be, but he realised he wanted more than just to stimulate the other; he actively wanted to put his mouth against the man’s private flesh and taste him.
So he did, pressing the tip of his tongue against the bead of precum formed at the end of Morgan’s cock. Morgan let out a long sigh as Reid pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, spreading the sweetness around. He lowered his mouth and put his lips against the reddish swollen head, feeling the heat and a twitch even as he held the base of the man’s shaft with his hand. He let the head slip past his lips a little and ran his tongue around the underside, rewarded with a deep moan from Morgan, and a hand snaking out to brush against his cheek. He let more into his mouth, testing the shape and weight of it against his tongue, which ran along the underside. He pulled back slowly, pursing his lips as he went, gauging that this was a good technique by his friend’s reaction; hips lifting, another long moan. He repeated the cycle; taking the several inches he could comfortable manage into his mouth, adding a slight suction to help him, and then drew back and let his tongue lavish attention at the head. After repeating it several times he realised his hands had stilled, and theorising that multiple stimulations would make it even more enjoyable for the slow-panting male who was gripping the arms of the chair; he began to roll the man’s ball in his hand, giving them a gentle tug every time he had his mouth at the furthest point along Morgan’s cock. His other hand squeezed and twisted the base of his hard flesh, and after a while he dared to push down far enough for his lips to meet the edge of his fingers, letting the man’s cock test his gag reflex repeatedly.
Morgan was glad the man’s hair was shorter now, because without it falling in his face he could see Reid’s lips wrapped around him. The utter concentration the man was showing in his ministrations was both effective and sexy, and Morgan had to grip the arms of the chair hard to stop him grabbing at Spencer. The younger man’s sharp jaw adjusted each time he bobbed his head, and Morgan found himself simultaneously wanting to kiss along the flesh there, and realising how masculine that part of the body was; he had certainly never really appreciated women’s jaw lines in the way he was looking at Spencer’s. Just then the man gave an appreciative hum around him, and he swore under his breath and bucked against the sudden stimulation.
Reid couldn’t believe he hadn’t considered the adage of vibration during oral sex earlier; it was the principal employed by most sex toys, and he was certainly no stranger to the concept of those. He hummed again, making Morgan thrust up into his mouth wantonly. The man’s taste elicited similar thoughts as his look; rich, dark, smooth, strong and heady. Spencer pulled back slowly, pursing his lips as they slid over Derek’s sensitive cock head. He adjusted his hold a little and put his mouth at the base of Morgan’s shaft, then licked a long flat stripe upwards back to the head.
“Fuck! Reid!” Morgan gasped. Reid looked up, catching the man’s eyes momentarily and then looking away, lapping at dribble of precum from the dark cock. “Hey, look at me, prettyboy.”
Reid did, looking up at the darker man as he rested his lips against the head of the man’s shaft. Eye contact with Morgan had always been the least intimidating, but now it was powerful, like the anecdotal experiences Reid had encountered. Eye contact had never inspired anything in him but awkwardness before now; now there were feelings of want. He returned his mouth to the base of Derek’s length, and this time wound his tongue up more slowly, savouring the heat of his flesh, the taste of him. He took the sensitive head into his mouth again, slipping his mouth down, and testing his gag reflex again.
Morgan groaned and put his hands on the back of Spencer’s head, closing his eyes. He realised where they were a few seconds later and removed them, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable with the dominant motion. He felt fingers whispering over the veins on the back of his hands and opened his eyes again. Reid was watching him, still bobbing his head along the length of Morgan’s thick cock when he gripped his hands and lifted them, putting them back to where they’d been against is head. Morgan understood and delicately cradled the back of the man’s skull, lacing his fingers in the soft hair. His grip firmed as Reid increased pace and suction, finally averting his eyes so he could concentrate on the task at hand.
“Oh fuck...” Morgan grunted. Reid braced one thin hand on the hot skin of the man’s hip, the other he returned to his cock and began a joint motion of stroking his hand and his mouth along, meeting in the middle of Derek's length. “Fuck, prettyboy, I’m close...”
Reid gave an excited hum and sucked luxuriously, slowly pulling his lips along the man’s cock and then pressing down again, hand twisting at his base.
“You want this?” Morgan asked breathlessly, astonished. Reid met his eyes and gave a nod as best he could as he teased the man’s cock head with his tongue. He knew what Morgan was referring too, knew that his orgasm was impending, and Spencer was painfully hard at the thought of experiencing it. Morgan gripped his head harder and guided Reid’s mouth, an apparently dominant motion that was actually dictated by the pace Reid set; Morgan didn’t force the man, didn’t push him further than he was able to go, lips and tongue and suction along the nerve endings alight under the skin of his throbbing cock.
“Fuck!” Morgan gasped, hips bucking upwards as his release raced from every fibre of his nervous system to his groin, and his consciousness fractured with the force of orgasm. He grunted as his release streaked the younger man’s tongue, Reid’s lips sealed around the head and sucking as his hand worked furiously to stimulate him through his climax.
Reid swallowed greedily, the salty release almost familiar, the context completely new. He was surprised by the amount of it, Morgan bucking his hips, moaning and grunting as he rode out his orgasm, hands gripping Spencer’s scalp hard.
Finally, with a shudder, Morgan’s hips stilled and his grip loosened, panting in the aftermath of his peak. Reid continued to stroke the man’s residual hardness slowly, licking at the cock head slowly. He pursed his lips and blew a stream of cool air over the man’s sensitive head, making him groan.
“Damn, Reid...” the older agent breathed, watching the younger licking his lips and sitting back on his haunches. “Stand up, prettyboy.”
Reid complied, feeling the echo of pain in his leg from where he’d once taken a bullet and ignoring it. His mind felt clouded with arousal, and as much as his brain attempted to work in its usual way, it was exceedingly difficult as Morgan’s hands were unbuckling his belt and quickly pulling off his trousers. Morgan’s thumb under his chin angled his head just so, and he was aware of Morgan moving in for a kiss, and then he paused, pulling away slightly. He wondered if the man hesitated because of the act he’d just performed; whatever his reason, he seemed to set it aside quickly and claimed Reid’s mouth.
Morgan could taste what he was certain was his own release on Reid’s mouth, and instead of making him feel grossed out, it felt completely sexy. Reid linked his arms around Morgan’s neck, Morgan stepped forward, and the two tumbled down onto Reid’s bed in a mess of naked limbs. A dark hand found a pale, slender cock and wrapped around it, stroking quickly.
“How did it feel?” Morgan murmured against the shell of Reid’s ear, delighted to feel the man lifting his hips to meet his hand, one pale hand gripping the bed below, and the other holding onto a dark bicep. “My cock in your mouth?”
“Ah...” Reid groaned out, biting his lip. He didn’t know how to answer that, didn’t know if Derek wanted an answer.
“C’mon prettyboy...” the rich syrup of Derek’s voice drizzled against Spencer’s pale jaw as he put kisses there. “How did my cock in your mouth feel?”
“Big.” Reid breathed, followed by a small squeak as Morgan twisted his hand on his cock just so. Morgan gave a soft dark chuckle.
“How did my cum taste?” he whispered.
“Salty.” Reid gasped, and Morgan kissed over his neck, flicking his tongue out against his laryngeal prominence. “Sweet.”
“Did you like it?” He spread his lips against Reid’s jaw again, his fist pumping furiously on Reid’s weeping cock.
“Yes.” Reid whispered. “Yes! Fuck! Morgan!”
Reid came hard, crying out as Morgan pumped his spurting cock furiously, emptying his iridescent release over his glistening stomach and torso, back arching and legs pushing his hips upwards into the feeling, gripping desperately at Derek's bicep.
“It’s hot hearing you swear.” Morgan chuckled. Reid couldn’t respond as his body still quaked as his orgasm subsided. “Making you swear...” he added, squeezing Reid’s cock, teasing the last dribble of semen from him to pool against his skin. Reid keened breathlessly.
Morgan collapsed beside the pale man, wiping his hand subtly on the bed. Reid noticed, smiling breathlessly but not saying anything.
“You sure that’s the first time you’ve done that?” Morgan asked.
“Yes.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“The concept is simple, really,” Reid said, too drained to gesticulate, “even if the colloquialism of ‘blowjob’ is misleading.”
“I guess you’re right,” Morgan laughed, “no blowing involved usually. Was that what that was? That little blowing at the end, just to make the name make sense?” he teased.
“Maybe.”
“Where did you learn about sucking dick, anyway?”
“I read a lot, Morgan.” Reid said simply.
“Figures.”
“Actually, plenty of those.” Reid said, reaching for a tissue from the bedside to wide traces of his orgasm from himself. “For example one of the earliest records of fellatio is considered to be in the Osiris and Isis myth of ancient Egypt; Osiris was cut up into pieces by his brother, and when his sister Isis put him together again his penis was missing, so an artificial one was moulded from clay and Isis sucked it to give life back to it.”
“Really?” Morgan raised an eyebrow.
“And did you know most linguists think ‘blowjob’ evolved from ‘blowoff’, meaning to end, to finish. There’s some debate on whether it has roots in eighteenth century Britain when prostitutes were referred to as ‘blowers’, but there’s little to no evidence of the word blowjob actually being used.”
“I didn’t know that. But you actually learned how from books?”
“You’d be surprised just how many books there are on sexual activity.”
“I don’t think that would surprise me dude, maybe just how many of them you’ve read.”
“A lot.”
“Do you like learning that kinda stuff?” Morgan wondered aloud.
“I enjoy learning in general. Learning about human sexuality is definitely a fascinating topic.”
“So, yes?” Morgan turned his head, smiling at his friend.
“Yeah.” Reid caught his eye, giving a half smile he hoped wouldn’t give away just how fascinated he was by sex, especially lately homosexual sex, and the thought of sex with Morgan in particular.
Morgan pushed himself up, swinging his legs off the bed and getting up to find his underwear and jeans.
“I gotta get going.” He said. It was calmer than his exit the last time; Reid mirrored his action; finding his own trousers and pulling them on. Reid knew Morgan would leave afterwards; this time he expected it. It didn’t mean he liked it. He looked down at his feet, realising he still had his socks on - again. He wiggled his toes and bit his lip, turning to look at Morgan; dark muscled back to him as he pulled up his jeans over his shapely rear.
“We can’t do this again.” Reid said quietly, breaking the silence.
“What?” Morgan raised an eyebrow, turning as he did up his jeans. “Why?”
“What’s the most times you’ve had sex with the same person?” Reid posed.
“Twice.”
“This is the third time we’ve had sex - sexual contact.” Reid paced his words, knowing he was liable to rush through in the effort to get everything his brain lined up for him to say out.
“So?” Morgan pulled his shirt on hastily. “We’re grown men, just having fun. Haven’t you had fun?”
“I’m not like you, Morgan.” Reid said.
“I’m not gay.” Morgan snapped.
“That’s not what I said.” Reid said carefully, instead of beginning a long-winded explanation of the spectrum of attraction and sexuality being broader than ‘straight’ and ‘gay’. “I said I’m not like you. Every sexual encounter I’ve had has been a one-time thing, just recreational; but not by choice. Not like you.” He looked to Morgan, who opened his mouth as if to speak. “I’m not judging you.” Reid added quickly. “You’re so sure of what you want. I’m not - I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what significance sex has in my life. And if it turns out sex to me is part of a more complex connection to other people, I don’t want to keep having sex with you only to know I’m going to have to stop because we’re not compatible, that I’m never going to make that connection with you.”
“What...?” Morgan shook his head a little. “Are you saying you want us to date?” he scolded. Sounding so angry at the idea was the only way Morgan knew how - in the second before he spoke - to cover the fact that his brain didn’t automatically rebel at the idea of dating his friend. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, or why his brain was trying to complicate things like it never had before with the way he felt towards other people he’d had sex with.
Reid didn’t answer, pressing his lips together and closing his eyes for a second. He’d entertained those thoughts, but he had always known they were fantasy; Morgan’s reaction only served to confirm this. It wouldn’t be fair to let it show that it hurt to realise he had romantic feelings towards his friend, and that his friend had none for him, at exactly the same time.
“I’m saying that I don’t know if I’m capable of engaging in casual sex without forming other attachments in the way you are. And it’s not logical, knowing that, to keep having sex with you.” Reid explained.
“Do you have to analyse everything?” Morgan bit. “Can’t you just go with it like a normal person, for once?”
“I don’t think it’s fair,” Reid said, annoyance seeping into his voice, “that you’d ask me to ignore the potential for things to get complicated for me in order for you to still get what you want.”
“How would it get complicated?”
“I already explained, I don’t know what sex means to-”
“So you don’t want to have sex with me any more in case what?” Morgan asked. “Dude, it’s been great. And things haven’t changed between us, have they? We’re friends.”
“This isn’t what friendship feels like!” Reid shouted suddenly. Morgan’s lips parted in surprise, his eyebrows hitching upwards. “Not to me. I know it is to you, but I don’t understand how I feel about you, man. It’s always been different to how I feel about my other friends, and it might just be because you’re the first best friend I’ve ever had and I’m just getting confused,” he babbled, trying to explain something he didn’t even understand fully when it was swirling in his own mind, “and then we had sex, and that was a catalyst for-” he rubbed his hands self-consciously on his face, sighing out. “I don’t want to keep having sex with you, knowing you’re only ever going to be my friend.”
“You want more from me?” Morgan asked, sound as confused as he looked. Reid didn’t answer, staring like a deer in headlights at his friend. “Have you got a crush on me or something?”
Reid couldn’t hide the hurt on his face at Morgan’s words; he made him feel infantilised, like how he felt was childish and foolish. It hurt most because he was sure Morgan was right.
“Dude, it’s just sex.” Morgan said, in that same scolding tone. “I’m not gay.”
“Neither am I.” Reid said quietly.
“Oh c’mon,” Morgan gestured emphatically. “Starting all this, wanting to get fucked, sucking my dick.” He pointed at the bed. “I thought we made it clear, this was just fucking? I’m not gay. I’m never gonna be gay.”
“I haven’t once said you are!” Reid waved his hands exasperatedly. “But does it even matter if you’re not straight, Morgan? What if-”
“Back off!” Morgan barked, looking livid. “You need to back the hell off. You don’t know me, you don’t know what I am!”
Reid didn’t move as Morgan stormed out of the bedroom, waiting until he heard his apartment door slam closed before he rubbed furiously at his eyes with the heels of his hand and let a frustrated sound climb out of his throat.
---
Back off. ‘Back off’ is what he’d told his best friend when it had become clear he was having some of the same feelings that Morgan was. He swore loudly and punched the tough fabric of the punching bag in his home gym, and laid several more into it as he thought over what had transpired just an hour before.
He’d acted as if Reid was the instigator, when he knew full well that all three times they’d been together he had started it with a kiss. Worst than that, he’d accused Reid of being gay as if it was an accusation at all, as if it was a detriment and an insult. He’d never been homophobic - his mother had raised him better than that - even as a cop when it had been rife amongst other officered, and he certainly would never have been accepted onto the BAU team if he was, but he still had the bitter sensation in the back of his throat from such ugliness rearing its head with Reid.
Reid admitting, in his own fumbling way, that he had more than platonic feelings towards him absolutely terrified Morgan. It made him think about his own feelings, made him think that all those moments with Reid that had felt so strange and wonderful had to be more than friendship. If no woman had ever made him feel like this, if this was because of a man, had he been in denial all this time about being gay? And if that was true, how much of a factor had his abuse played in that? He felt physically sick to remember it, and clung to the punching bag. He had enough experience with the human mind to know there could be a huge environmental factor to the formation of sexual identity, and the thought that what he was feeling for Reid might be directly connected to what had been forced onto him as a youngster was absolutely disgusting. He had told Carl Buford in confrontation that he had made him, turned him into someone who hunted men like him, but the idea of accrediting him with his close friendship with Reid was appalling to him. If they were connected, everything good about that friendship justified what he’d suffered through; Morgan did not want to forgive that. Forgiveness was never something that could heal him, because it was akin to saying what had happened was allowable, negated how heinous and despicable it still felt. It was no justice to forgive someone for doing that.
He wasn’t sure he could forgive Reid for being the one to awaken this conflict in him.
“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” - Erica Jong