(no subject)
so i feel the need to let my emotions out via livejournal, so i can look back on it all and say to myself "oh lordy, i was so young and naieve (sp?)!".
i'd like to start out by saying, i really like writing with pens better than penicls. although everyone has those days where they're like 'hm, i feel like writing in pencil all day today, it just seems right'. but thats all besides the point. for some incredibly odd reason, i am having the toughest time getting over and moving on from mr. brandon bookout. its always hard for me to get over someone, but this is harder. it could be because i see him everyday. but the feelings are still there. i've been hanging out with patrick a lot and he is great and so sweet and so my type and i really like him. i want to move on but i cant. when i kiss patrick or anything else, its nice but it just feels wrong to me. i'm going to push myself to move on and try and be strong, and i hope it works. but right now it isn't. when me and bookout first started things i kept asking myself 'why don't i like this kid that way?' and now im asking myself 'why can i not get over him?' why must my feelings be so confusing. he is there for me like no one else i know. whether i had a bad day, my car is fucked, i want to play, im sad, ANYTHING...he is right there. and if not, i dial the number and hes there. he is the sweetest man i have ever met in so many ways, and i wish i could have him all to myself. i miss everything we had every single day. i think about it every single day. i wish i didnt love him as much as i do, but then again how can i not? he's perfect. god i sound so stupid, but this is how i feel. i wish i could just grow up and get over but im stuck. i feel its wrong to try and give my heart to someone when its still bleeding in someone else's hands. i cant talk to him about this. i wish i could but i know it would put him in yet again another bad position to be in. i think he knows how i feel. i hope he does. i always preach to people about getting over it and moving on, but i cant even do it myself right now. i have patrick, who is amazing, but its not brandon. when im sitting in his car or we're playing, or watching tv, or at the store or wherever, i just want to spill myself. ive done it before and i feel if i do it again i'll look pathetic. im not asking for him back cause i kknow i cant have that right now. but i want to make sure he knows. but at the same time i want to keep it inside. god damn im confusing. i dont know, i love him and i can't see myself with anyone else but him right now.
love is a BIOTCH!
i'd like to start out by saying, i really like writing with pens better than penicls. although everyone has those days where they're like 'hm, i feel like writing in pencil all day today, it just seems right'. but thats all besides the point. for some incredibly odd reason, i am having the toughest time getting over and moving on from mr. brandon bookout. its always hard for me to get over someone, but this is harder. it could be because i see him everyday. but the feelings are still there. i've been hanging out with patrick a lot and he is great and so sweet and so my type and i really like him. i want to move on but i cant. when i kiss patrick or anything else, its nice but it just feels wrong to me. i'm going to push myself to move on and try and be strong, and i hope it works. but right now it isn't. when me and bookout first started things i kept asking myself 'why don't i like this kid that way?' and now im asking myself 'why can i not get over him?' why must my feelings be so confusing. he is there for me like no one else i know. whether i had a bad day, my car is fucked, i want to play, im sad, ANYTHING...he is right there. and if not, i dial the number and hes there. he is the sweetest man i have ever met in so many ways, and i wish i could have him all to myself. i miss everything we had every single day. i think about it every single day. i wish i didnt love him as much as i do, but then again how can i not? he's perfect. god i sound so stupid, but this is how i feel. i wish i could just grow up and get over but im stuck. i feel its wrong to try and give my heart to someone when its still bleeding in someone else's hands. i cant talk to him about this. i wish i could but i know it would put him in yet again another bad position to be in. i think he knows how i feel. i hope he does. i always preach to people about getting over it and moving on, but i cant even do it myself right now. i have patrick, who is amazing, but its not brandon. when im sitting in his car or we're playing, or watching tv, or at the store or wherever, i just want to spill myself. ive done it before and i feel if i do it again i'll look pathetic. im not asking for him back cause i kknow i cant have that right now. but i want to make sure he knows. but at the same time i want to keep it inside. god damn im confusing. i dont know, i love him and i can't see myself with anyone else but him right now.
love is a BIOTCH!