(no subject)
i swear to god....what the fuck? as soon as i think everything is okay, ive got a fresh new start with a fresh new boy, the past is done and over with, it comes back. will i ever get a break? i ask myself one of my favorite quotes from SATC...can i get to my furture, if my past is present? i dont think i can. its like clock work. as soon as i let go of it all, in hopes to have a fresh new start with a new boy, my past is back. all the hard work i have done to attempt to be done with this, all the sorting ive done in my mind, is put to shit now. its so comforting, but at the same time...its draining me again. im back to where i started. when will this stop? why is it always me? i feel like im not supposed to move on from my past, since it keeps coming back. i dont know what to do. i truely dont know what to do. i cry, but that doesnt even help. usually someone will feel better after a good cry, but its still with me. cause its such a big part of me. all i want is to move on, but i cant get there when my past keeps coming back. i keep telling myself im okay but im not. i was, now im not. i need a god damn break from this. it doesnt matter which of the two it is....they always come back right when im about to move on...and let go.
im sure everyone is wondering what exactly happened. lucas sent me a myspace message. telling me hes been thinking about me, and there was jealousy towards todd and dusto. then another saying how he misses me, and still thinks about me, and still loves me. i deleted it, i couldnt even look at it. i did respond though, but im not sure if i should have
will this cycle of my past ever end?
im sure everyone is wondering what exactly happened. lucas sent me a myspace message. telling me hes been thinking about me, and there was jealousy towards todd and dusto. then another saying how he misses me, and still thinks about me, and still loves me. i deleted it, i couldnt even look at it. i did respond though, but im not sure if i should have
will this cycle of my past ever end?